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As a single woman, I've found married women to be the best of friends and, unfortunately, the worst of friends. At best, these women open their hearts and homes, and together we laugh and cry about the craziness of life on both sides of the altar. At worst, their erroneous assumptions and comments about singleness leave me blue and belittled.
If you're a married woman, read on for an insider's peek into the ways you can endear yourself to the single women in your life.
We'd love your help from time to time. Picture life without a hubby to kill spiders in your home, shovel snow from your driveway, haggle with the mechanic, file your tax return, or heft heavy boxes to your basement. Now you have a good idea of some of the challenges we singles face regularly. Of course, I'm not naïve enough to think all husbands are this helpful all the time. But surely your guy offers at least some of these benefits we singles miss out on—benefits some of my much-loved married friends have shared with me over the years.
For example, I'll never forget the time I moved into a new apartment. The fact that two female friends from my aerobics class showed up to help was great. That they brought their husbands was a godsend! With the men's capable help, my meager post-college possessions got moved in a snap. Likewise, my friend Michelle "lent" me her husband, Tim, a self-professed computer geek, one Saturday afternoon to help me shop for my laptop computer. If I'd gone by myself on that shopping trip, I'd still be in some aisle in Best Buy comparing RAM, gigabytes, and a whole bunch of other stuff that's Greek to me.
Another great help is passing along household goods you no longer need. That's how I got my "new" microwave (my friend Ingrid realized her new home had one built in, and she no longer needed hers) and my fancy casserole dish and carrier (my sister received several as wedding gifts). Unless and until I get to register, these kind acts provide household items often nicer than I can afford.
Don't ask, don't tell. I have yet to find a witty response to the common small-talk question, "So, are you married?" After I reply, "No," there's usually an awkward silence that I feel compelled to fill with an inane comment such as, "But I'm not against it or anything." I wish strangers would take a few seconds to glance at the empty ring finger on my left hand and save me the conversational agony! The similar question, "So, are you seeing anyone?" yields similar results. If the answer's no, you've dead-ended the conversation again. If it's yes, we singles usually bring it up before you can ask.
Another vexing question is, "So, why aren't you married yet?" As if there were a specific answer to that, such as "Well, I guess I'm just not pretty enough." As with so many things in life, there are no easy answers—other than we just haven't met God's best for us yet.
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