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I've been dating a guy exclusively for several months, and am starting to think about marriage. But my boyfriend's noncommittal about our future together. He seems content to keep things where they are. While I would like to keep dating him, I'm getting antsy. Should I break it off—or hang in there a while longer to see if he'll become ready to commit?
What do you mean by "dating for several months"? Three or four months is quite different from eight or nine, although if you're already thinking about marriage, neither is long enough!
Too often the things that create a sense of urgency in us about marriage are fickle or fleeting. The makeup of your boyfriend's character is more important than your feelings, attraction, or longing for marriage. And dating for several months usually isn't long enough to tell you the full story. Godly character is demonstrated over time and through a variety of circumstances. For instance, how does your boyfriend handle frustration? What about disappointment? What happens when you don't agree? Does he treat you with respect and honor? Are your physical boundaries respected? Do you know people who've known this man for some time? What are their observations about his character?
Your boyfriend's noncommittal response may be normal for this stage of your relationship, or it may reflect ambivalence about commitment in general; it's hard to say. But if you genuinely believe he's husband material, spend at least a year getting to know him, interacting with him in groups as well as alone, sharing interests and experiences. Say nothing about a commitment during this time. Instead, ask a couple godly women from your church to pray for and with you regarding this relationship. And ask God to reveal your boyfriend's true character. Slow down—and look to God to enable you to see through his eyes what's really important.
Trick-or-Treating warsMy husband and I don't agree on how to handle Halloween. We're both Christians, but he grew up trick-or-treating and thinks we're depriving our four-year-old daughter of fun and free candy if we don't let her go. I'm opposed to the attention this gives the occult, but my husband accuses me of being a spoilsport. Can we ever see eye-to-eye?
Your husband wants to provide his daughter with the kind of fun he enjoyed as a child, while you see participation in Halloween as wrong because of some of its associations and origins. You need to ask yourselves, What is it we want to teach our child? Part of what you want your child to learn is how to make wise decisions. You can manage a child's behavior for years with fear, anxiety, and discipline, but if you haven't taught her how to think things through according to God's Word, once she's grown she won't be equipped to handle life wisely on her own. So be intentional about what you communicate to her.
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