1 of 5
I was born in Jordan to a Muslim family, and was named Ruqaya after one of the prophet Muhammad's daughters. My uncle, who'd moved to Chicago, told my dad about the wonderful opportunities in the U.S., so my dad moved our family here when I was eight years old. While he was excited about providing for his family, my father worried that we'd grow up "Christian." So while my siblings and I went to a public school during the week, we attended Islamic studies on the weekends. The only friends I had were the Muslim kids who attended Islamic studies with me.
As I grew older, my dad became more concerned about the possibility I'd become "Americanized." So when I turned 14, my father decided I should return to Jordan to live with my grandmother. I wasn't thrilled about living so far from my family, but when I arrived in Jordan, I loved the people, the culture, and Islam, so I was happy to stay.
More than 90 percent of Muslims are of the Sunni sect—those who strictly follow the Qur'an and the Hadith (the sayings of Muhammad). Since my family was Sunni, I prayed five times a day, fasted during the month of Ramadan, read the Qur'an daily, wore the veil (covering my entire body, and showing only my hands, face, and feet), and tried to imitate the prophet Muhammad in every way. But no matter what I did for Allah, I felt I needed to do more to avoid his wrath. I tried to earn his favor so I could go to heaven.
I spent three years in Jordan, but missed my family so much, I asked my dad if I could return to live with them in the U.S. Once I returned, I stopped wearing my head covering because I didn't want to look like an "oddball," but I still kept strong in my prayers and my faith. And I was content—until my father decided it was time for me to get married.
Arab culture dictates men and women are not allowed to date. When a man finds a "suitable" woman, it's usually through family connections. The man and his family visit the young girl's home to meet her family. The "couple" are allowed to speak to each other, but only in the presence of both families. After several similar visits, the couple decide if they want to get married. In Islam, a woman has the right to say no, but in the culture, the family usually pressures the girl to say yes. In both the culture and religion, a woman can marry her first cousin. So when I turned 23, my dad pressured me to marry my first cousin who lives in Jordan. While I was against the marriage and certainly didn't want to spend the rest of my life married to someone I didn't love, I didn't feel I had the choice to go against my father's wishes. My father flew there ahead of me to prepare for the wedding. The rest of my family couldn't afford to fly to Jordan, so my father would be the only immediate family member at the ceremony.
 E-mail this page   Print this article  Post a comment |
