1 of 3
Do an underdog, Mommy!" my daughter, Katie, called out as she settled herself into the swing. She wanted me to lift her high, running beneath the swing as I pushed.
"I don't do underdogs," I reminded her.
"Oh, yeah," said Katie with four-year-old matter-of-factness, "that's because you're an old mom. Only new moms do underdogs!"
Katie's casual comment tore through my self-esteem like a toddler through a department-store dress rack. Who, me? An old mom? I was 41 when Katie's twin brothers were born and 44 when Katie arrived, but I'd never had the fact I was older than most of her friends' mothers laid out so bluntly. Thanks to Katie, I spent most of my away-from-home time in the company of 20- or 30somethings. In my mind, I'd become 30 years old again—or so I'd imagined.
Katie's three little words crumpled that image. The lines around my eyes reappeared, my hair became grayer, and I was again, well, an old mom.
Since that day, I've become an even older mom. Katie's now a teen. Along the way, I've discovered some unique and delightful things about being a midlife mom.
In Old Testament times, several pivotal Bible characters were born to mothers past 40. Through Isaac, the long-awaited son God promised to Abraham and Sarah, came the nation of Israel. John the Baptist prepared the way for Jesus' ministry. Both these great men of God were born not only to older mothers, but to women long past childbearing age.
However, the reality is, for present-day midlife moms, having a baby after 40 is physically riskier. A recent study revealed that 47 percent of first-time mothers in their 40s had a Caesarean section—twice as many as women in their 20s. Pregnancy-related diabetes, high blood pressure, and premature delivery also are substantially higher for older mothers.
For many, adjusting to changes in lifestyle also is a major hurdle. Rita Kenner, editor of Midlife Mommies, an online support community for first-time moms over 35, was a videotape editor used to stress and deadlines when she had her first baby at 43. "Working on a newscast meant there was an end in sight. Once the show is off the air, you're alone," she says. "But taking care of an infant is a never-ending marathon of feedings, diaper changes, rocking, and crying, all with very few commercial breaks."
For those coming to parenthood from a fast-paced career, it may be hard to remember there is value in putting a puzzle together ten times or dipping every French fry and every bit of hamburger in catsup at a 45-minute McDonald's lunch. As one midlife mother put it, "Five years from now, your kids won't remember the night you left the dishes in the sink. But they'll treasure forever the memory of the walk you took with them to look at the night sky." And so will you.
But according to Christa Taylor-Jones, author of Midlife Parenting, one of the biggest challenges for older mothers is a sense of isolation. "Their friends either had grown kids, teenagers, or no kids," she says of those she interviewed. I was surprised to find that when I had my twins in my 40s, I entered this lonely land myself. For my same-age friends now at the end of their child-rearing years, my sleepless nights or toilet-training woes were a thing of the past. Lunch out for me meant calculating whether it was worth the time spent hunting down a sitter, the possible last-minute cancellation if my child got sick, or the chance the sitter wouldn't show. It seemed more trouble than it was worth. As a result, I often felt my connection to adult life had been severed.
 E-mail this page   Print this article  Post a comment |
