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I'm 30 years old and debating whether to sign up for an online Christian dating service. I hear conflicting advice from other believers about going this route. Some say I shouldn't seek a husband; God will provide a mate in his time. Others encourage me to seek out eligible men to date. What do you think I should do?
It's easy to make the mistake of taking a "super-spiritual" approach to dating, expecting God to play cosmic matchmaker. And while it's crucial that prayer and wisdom guide you, it's equally important to take ownership of the process. Scripture is full of examples of people being proactive about finding mates. And a Christian dating service can be a great help in connecting you with people who share your interests, traits, and deeply held values. Think of it this way: Would it help to be in a room with a dozen other single men who are potential good matches for you? Of course. And that's what an effective online matching service does. I know dozens of happily married people who found each other this way.
If you choose to go this route, here are three things to keep in mind. 1) Don't be tempted to play games by presenting yourself to be different than you are. Be real. 2) Focus on the characteristics you want to find in your date. I've seen too many singles who want so desperately to be dating that they overlook problems in the other person. They sometimes fall for the popular myth, "I'll change him." You won't, so don't try. 3) God reveals his will in a variety of ways and we have to resist the idea that there's a predictable formula to follow that leads to a spouse.
One caution: The desire for love is so deep it easily can become an overwhelming goal. Resist the temptation to become consumed with the search for a mate.
Discerning God's will in your love life requires a listening spirit and, sometimes, a smart strategy. Prayer, wise counsel, and a spirit of obedience to God's direction are essential.
Babysitting BluesI'm starting to feel taken advantage of by a mother in my neighborhood. Our eight-year-old sons play together frequently, and during school vacations she asks me to watch her son and her six-year-old daughter while she works. The family can afford daycare, and taking care of both the children is a burden on me. How can I say "no" without seeming mean?
Be assured you can set a clear boundary with this woman without coming off as Attila the Hun. Begin by letting her know you enjoy her children and you're glad this temporary arrangement has been helpful. Then say something like, "But I'm learning something about myself: I have limits. While I wish I could maintain this arrangement, juggling the demands of my own kids, errands, relationships, marriage, church activities, and job is becoming overwhelming, and I've got to admit I can't do it all."
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