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As newlyweds, one of the first times my husband, Tim, led me in prayer aloud, I made the awful mistake of laughing at him when he stumbled over his words! Many years into our marriage, Tim still remembers how uncomfortable I made him feel.
Most couples have difficulty developing an intimate spiritual life not just in the early stages of marriage, but throughout their lives. Yet there's nothing more significant than consistently and intentionally coming together before God to know him better and to serve him more fully. Unfortunately, according to author Neil Clark Warren, only 10 to 15 percent of couples really enjoys true intimate spirituality.
Intimacy BustersWhy is spiritual intimacy difficult to achieve? For Tim and me, so much seemed to compete for our spiritual affection. The desire for spiritual intimacy was there, but we got lost along the way and eventually became discouraged. Here are other barriers that can prevent you from being on the spiritual-intimacy track:
Stress. When you're stressed, all your energies are focused on protecting yourself and solving the problems that created the stress in the first place. That leaves very little energy to develop a deep relationship with your spouse and with your Lord. Managing everyday stress is a problem everyone needs to work on.
Time. In his book Margin, author Richard Swensen states that the average couple spends as little as four minutes a day in meaningful couple time. It's hard to spend much more when you're also balancing the demands of a job and children. But as my mother told me when I was a teenager, "If you don't take time for the Lord now, you'll never have time later on." Make time with both your spouse and God a high priority every day.
Satanic assault. Ephesians 6:12 says, "For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms." We are in spiritual warfare, and our enemy is Satan. I believe Satan's key targets are your relationship with the Lord and your marriage.
Traditions. We all grow up with different ways of worshiping God. In some homes, parents valued and modeled spiritual intimacy; in others, parents didn't. Regardless of your background, remember that parental influences and traditions go deep. Bringing together two different ways of seeking out God can be quite challenging.
Negative emotions. Fear, discouragement, anger … so many negative emotions can block spiritual intimacy. For instance, many couples are afraid to pray in front of their spouse, as Tim was in the beginning of our marriage. Or there may be times when you feel discouraged about life and disconnected from God to the point that you don't think God even cares about you. Anger is another emotional roadblock. It's hard to pray with your spouse when you're frustrated and angry at him.
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