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I didn't suspect a thing, but I imagine God was smiling when I sat down to check my e-mail that day. He was about to bring great joy into my life after a dark season of sorrow.
It had been more than two years since my husband of 29 years had died of cancer. When Tom passed away, we had four sons at home, ages 8 to 23. I spent the first year in a fog. Exhaustion and sadness were my companions, but God faithfully met our needs.
As I entered my second year of widowhood, I knew I had to find a way to make peace with my new life. At 49, I was younger than most widows, but I didn't fit in a couples' world anymore. I drew closer to a few single friends and started meeting with a group of older Christian singles. I also joined a hiking club. Our nearby mountain trails were one of the few places my heart found comfort.
Still, the loneliness was unrelenting. My two oldest boys left home for jobs and college. Our youngest, now ten, wrestled with his dad's death. My third son, still in high school, knew how hard I struggled. I told him one day, "The hardest thing about being alone is knowing I'm no longer the most important person to anyone."
I searched the Scriptures for God's promises. Psalm 146:9 declares, "The Lord … sustains the fatherless and the widow." I knew I could trust God's care for my family. I also felt led to ask God for the gift of another romantic relationship. But I wanted his will more than mine.
Mom's Got Mail!One day I decided to search for widows' groups on the web. I found a support site where I learned my painful emptiness was a normal part of the grieving process.
Several months after asking God for another companion, I discovered websites where I could meet other Christian singles without divulging too much personal information. Although it was contrary to my reserved nature, I posted a profile and picture and signed up for a few free trials. My sons were amazed their mom was making new friends online.
At the singles sites, members used passwords and made personal contact only if both parties chose to do so. The men I met were committed believers, and I truly had no bad experiences. But as we prayed, communicated, and dated, God didn't give the go-ahead to these relationships. We recognized obstacles (job situations, family issues, personality differences) that discouraged further contact.
Getting the MessageAs I was beginning to believe I would be OK on my own, the e-mail arrived. It was short and simple: "I was also married 29 years and my wife died of cancer, too."
The sender's name was Phillip, and his profile contained the usual general information as well as a family photo. But when I saw he was from Indiana, I thought, I'll answer politely because I know his loss is hard. But Indiana—no way. There were no mountains in Indiana, and I was a Tennessee girl who needed mountains to climb!
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