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In two short years, I'll have two empty bedrooms in my home … and I'm dreading it! The college catalogs strewn about the house remind me this is my son's last year at home; my daughter, a junior in high school, isn't far behind. Not only am I going to miss their company when they leave the nest, I'll also miss the purpose they bring to my life.
Because I know the empty nest will be a huge adjustment, I decided to seek out mothers who'd "crossed over" into this next season of life. I asked friends to tell me about women they knew who'd found a new ministry after their children left home. I suspected these moms' new interests would seem dull compared to having kids at home. Then I met Becky Oliver.
Becky, 50, and her husband, Jim, always stayed involved in each other's interests while raising their son and daughter. Then Jim started talking about motorcycles—and Becky thought he was having a midlife crisis. But Jim's interest grew. He encouraged Becky to take a safety course before riding on his motorcycle with him. What Becky learned from the class was, "It's way too much fun not to ride my own motorcycle!" Now they spend at least three weekends a month (April through October) riding side by side with their Christian Motorcycle Association "gang" to rallies, prisons, and children's homes, and Becky has new opportunities to serve and witness.
Let's face it: We won't all become bikers when our children grow up. But instead of moaning that there's "too much quiet" when our kids fly the coop, we can look to God to help us fill—not kill—our time.
Determining Your Midlife Ministry"Preparation for the empty-nest years is best begun as you're raising your children," says Barbara A. Kee, PhD, a Christian life coach. Here's how to get started:
Begin with God. Start your search with prayer for God's direction. Have your spouse and friends pray for you as well. And don't forget to spend time in praise, acknowledging God's faithfulness in your life.
Set your goal(s). What will your family's needs be when your children leave? Will extra income be the most urgent need (to help pay for college, etc.)? Have you been waiting to "have the time" for a special project? Do you see this time as a gift from God? If so, could you offer a portion of it back to him by serving others? Dr. Kee advises mothers to keep a list of goals and interests they'd like to pursue as they become less involved with their children's needs.
Learn from other empty-nesters. What can you glean from their passage into this new life phase?
I've learned some great tips from my new empty-nest friends. "You have your children for a short time—your husband for a lifetime," Becky Oliver reminds me. From Becky's experience, I also realize a husband often becomes a ministry partner. That's a big revelation, as my husband's skills and interests seem so different from my own!
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