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"I can tell you don't dust your furniture as often as you should," a friend told me recently.
A few years ago, I probably would have severed our friendship over that comment. But despite the immediate urge to usher her out of my house—and my life—I smiled, shrugged, and said, "You're right. I didn't get around to dusting this week; I've been busy."
I call this response my "hold-your-peace" attitude. Why bother taking offense? I ask myself. Is this incident truly significant in my life? Generally, the insult doesn't merit becoming offended. Move on, I tell myself. Change subjects. Relax and get over it.
Moving from easily to rarely offended wasn't easy. I needed plenty of practice—and the realization getting over it isn't about forgiving the offender, but about not being offended in the first place.
Biting My TongueLike many people's, my life often revolved around offenses. I know a couple who departed my church after 15 years of attendance because they couldn't bear to worship in the same facility as their offender. I have friends who spent years estranged from loved ones over small offenses. And I, too, have been tempted to make life-altering decisions based on others' thoughtless remarks and actions.
Then, three years ago, I encountered this verse during daily devotions: "He who is devoid of wisdom despises his neighbor, But a man of understanding holds his peace" (Proverbs 11:12, NKJV). That verse nagged me; I knew I didn't require much provocation to start despising my "neighbor."
Not long after discovering that Proverb, I quickly found that just because I'd memorized a handy Bible verse, I still didn't immediately respond with a smile to an offense. When I failed to receive a part in a church play, I wanted to march up to Dorothy, the director, and give her a piece of my mind (not exactly the kind of "peace" envisioned in the verse). I knew that as a former high-school actress, I could perform far better than many of the chosen participants.
Yet the words of the Proverb tugged at my heart: Hold your peace. Just don't react. This incident won't affect your life. My desire to complain to Dorothy about how she'd slighted me debated that logic. But finally I judged the verse the winner. I promised God I'd actually keep my mouth shut and truly let the offense go. Later, when I unexpectedly received an invitation to be the understudy for the lead role, I praised God for keeping me from spoiling my relationship with Dorothy.
From that close call, I learned, when confronted, to treat each word of the policy as an individual sentence: Hold—Don't say what's on the tip of your tongue; Your—Apply this command to yourself; Peace—Ask if this incident will really hurt you.
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