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Dear Dr. Langberg,
I'm a single parent (my husband divorced me) of two young children, and a Christian. I frequently hear a certain radio talk-show host suggesting single parents shouldn't date while they have children still living at home. I get lonely sometimes and would like to date. But should I be focusing all my energy on raising my children instead?
I'm not comfortable making a sweeping statement that all single parents shouldn't date—and I'm not certain there's biblical ground for it. In fact, the apostle Paul's advice in 1 Timothy 5:14 suggests it's wise for young widows to remarry: "So I counsel younger widows to marry, to have children, to manage their homes and to give the enemy no opportunity for slander."
While you're not a widow, such advice from Paul makes me hesitant to completely refute this position. So, to answer your question: No, I don't think it's wrong for single parents to date.
But caution is in order. Marriage isn't to be taken lightly. Entering into a lifelong commitment requires wisdom, maturity, and input from others. It would be easy for your loneliness to propel you into a relationship simply to fill the emotional gap left by your divorce. Don't do anything impulsive—you may end up living with regrets.
There are other issues to consider. You need to approach dating from a different perspective than you did before. Dating and remarriage now involve your children, who are impressionable. You're no longer simply responsible for your own good—you're responsible for their good as well.
It's crucial you understand what happened to your first marriage before you launch into dating again. What problems did your relationship have? What led to the divorce? Are there issues you need to deal with before considering another relationship? Whatever the problems were, don't repeat them.
Caution, wisdom, time, and guidance from others who know you and are mature in the faith are vital components to any decision you make about dating. Proceed wisely!
I'm married and the mother of two teenagers. When I was in college, I had a couple homosexual relationships. I've never really gotten over those feelings. I know it doesn't mesh with being a Christian and I don't want to ruin my marriage, but I don't enjoy sex with my husband because I fantasize about being with women. I don't feel I can confide to my friends about this. What should I do?
Your reluctance to confide in your friends is understandable—you don't know how they'll respond, whether they'll keep the information confidential, and if they're equipped to help. But you need to seek out an experienced Christian counselor or psychologist with expertise in this area. Also seek out a few wise and loving friends who will respect your privacy—and intercede for you.
A counselor will ask you questions about your family and your childhood, the homosexual relationships you had in college, your marriage and your sexual relationship with your husband. The reason? It's possible your struggle isn't necessarily about sexuality; it may have more to do with other needs and longings in your life.
God didn't intend for you to struggle in isolation. He's equipped others who can help you understand yourself more clearly and enable you to bring his truth to bear on this aspect of your life. But make sure you see a Christian counselor, since you're dealing with matters of faith and the teaching of God's Word. Scripture is clear-cut about homosexual behavior—but it also shows that change through Christ is possible. The apostle Paul proclaims, "I can do everything through him who gives me strength" (Phil. 4:13). So take the initiative—and get help.
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