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New Year’s Anti-Resolution: Stop Setting Goals

Why I plan to live with less intention

My New Year's resolution this year is unusual, really more of an anti-resolution. My hope is to become less intentional.

Less intentional, you ask? Why on earth would a person want that? I'll explain.

I'm a strategist by nature. I process things rationally, assessing situations, coming up with recommendations, tinkering mentally with life issues and circumstances. I'm also fast-moving leader and productivity-oriented, a fit-it-all-in, get-it-done kind of girl.

Put these two together and you can see that intentionality isn't a problem for me. Coming up with goals and moving toward them is pretty much how God made me.

There are many upsides to these character traits, and I thank God for how he wired me. Lately, though, I've been seeing the downsides that such attributes can bring if left to their own devices.

Last fall I was talking with a friend about her son's preschool teacher. She described the middle-age woman, well-known and respected in their community, as "very intentional but lacking in freedom." On paper, the woman is inspiring–a remarkable gardener and excellent cook; a restorer of furniture and exemplary homemaker; a person who'd cultivated many talents and utilized her resources well. "But she comes across as kind of joyless," my friend said, "and her relationships with her (now adult) children seem strained."

The description gave me pause. At the time I was just beginning to observe a noticeable trend toward joylessness in my own life, especially in relation to mothering my three young children. I was so focused on trying to parent well—attending to character development, employing consistency—that I was losing the joy of daily life with my kids. My mind continually went to assessing scenarios and diagnosing methods for improvement—skills I employ in my work world. Rarely did I just sit back, relax, and enjoy the moments for what they held (or my children in them). Goals were trumping relationship.

Sometimes an intentional spirit can hamper freedom, and even love. This, I believe, is a big part of why Jesus rebuked Martha for her demeanor when visiting her household. She was so focused on what needed to be done that she couldn't relax and be in the moment with him, putting first things first. Her task list and its priority in her mindset were endangering the freedom Jesus had for her. The joy found in engaging with the most important person in her life (as my own) was taking a backseat to lesser things.

Life in the modern world can exacerbate the tendency to prize intentionality and productivity over full, free living in the moment. The priority given to efficiency and multi-tasking are enormous in our culture. Cell phones alone are enough for many people to throw things out of balance. I can answer e-mails on my phone sitting in a parking lot, but do I know what my five-year-old just said in the backseat as we wait? For a person whose struggles are flightiness or disorganization, the tools an iPhone provides are a blessing; for a person with a bent toward over-productivity, they can be anathema.

Jesus calls us to careful stewardship, and too he calls us to a life of surrender. Stewardship means intentionality and setting goals; surrender means letting go of both to God's greater purposes. These two things are in tension—opposing ends of a spectrum. The sweet spot is smack in the middle; too much of either one is trouble.

Since God revealed that I generally err overmuch on the stewardship side, high on intentionality and low on freedom and joy, surrender is in order. Letting go of some of my diagnostic and achievement tendencies with the help of Christ are merited. As I set aside my urges to assess and improve things around me, I'll look to God to help me be present and joyful in the moments he gives. No doubt this will feel counter-intuitive in settings where I'm called to lead.

What about you? Do you need to get out of the goal-setting mindset for a while? What anti-resolutions have you made for the new year?

Susan Arico is active in her church and among local Christian women. She has worked with faith-based nonprofits, such as Prison Fellowship, The Salvation Army, Promise Keepers, and others, developing programs to benefit high-risk populations, such as ex-prisoners, street children, and traumatized youth. Currently, she runs her own consulting company, Pray Creek Consulting LLC.

January03, 2012 at 4:01 PM

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