My Encounter with Mental Illness
My freshman year, I spiraled into a clinical depression triggered by an off-campus move. That semester, my lack of finances required moving from the dorms into an apartment across the street from the university. There, I lived rent-free with a generous elderly woman. Yet I felt like an outsider looking in as daily I'd peer out the window at students walking to and fro.
Although I lived in a cloud of mental confusion, somehow I managed to attend classes and chapel. For over a year, I daily fought back a stream of tears that threatened to publicly out me. I thought I was crazy; my only relief was sleep. So I slept a lot. And I loathed myself. Even though I prayed and read Scripture daily, I felt numb, isolated, and alienated—damned. It felt as if God had fled. Although surrounded by several thousand professing Christians, I was too ashamed and embarrassed to tell others except a counselor and superficially a few others. For the most part, no one seemed to notice. I contemplated suicide.
Because of the fervent prayers and encouraging phone calls of my younger siblings, Kenny and Michelle, I clung to life. Day by day they ministered God's grace. And, thanks be to God, I started the climb out of the lowest rungs of hell late in my sophomore year.
Yet I know that not everybody makes it. And according to one report released last week, the number of college students struggling is growing. At an American Psychological Association meeting, John Guthman of Hofstra University reported that, based on a sample of over 3,000 U.S. students, the percentage of students with moderate to severe depression rose from 34% to 41% from 1998 to 2010. Relatedly, the number of students on psychiatric medications went from 11% to 24% in the same period. (Conversely, the number of students who said they had considered suicide within two weeks of counseling went from 26% to 11% in this period.) Guthman said the rise isn't about increasing stress loads—though that's a likely factor—but about more students with pre-existing conditions attending college, and their increased willingness to seek help.
Here at Cedarville University, in an anonymous survey conducted by Student Life, 33.2% percent of students reported dealing with depression at one time or another during their college experience.
As a resident director, I share dorm life with 154 women, and many confide in me. And because of my experience, I am sensitive to signs and symptoms of depression. When I notice signs or am told someone is depressed, I gently inquire about her well-being. If she opens up, I suggest she see a campus counselor and take full advantage of the resources available here. I encourage her to share with safe persons within the Christian community, here and elsewhere—to suffer within community and find hope and perhaps healing in the midst of it. I pray that she'll know the love of God—that she isn't alone in the deep sadness; that Christ's body suffers with her.
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Linda Lochridge Hoenigsberg
I became seriously mentally ill back in the 1970's, when not only was there a lack of knowledge in the church, but also within the mental health professional community. How God protected me and healed me in spite of this is something that I write about in a memoir blog. I am now a psychotherapist, and although I strive to reach out to anyone who experiences mental illness and pain, my heart goes out to those who become confused when they do not seem to receive instant healing by God or their illnesses are misunderstood by many at their home church. I own the book, "Darkness is my Only Companion." There is not a lot out there for those of us who have navigated this type of suffering as Christians (as far as stories from other sufferers). Thank you Marlene for this post!
robyn bloem
hi Karen, i just came across your post and i hope you check back. Christian community is so important and unfortunately very obviously absent in these issues. we are working diligently to address these in a global initiative in helping those who suffer with mental illness. Please contact us at http://www.heartfeltcounselingministries.com and connect with our nonprofit ministry. we would be glad to help you. I am praying for you right now...love, robyn b.
Karen Hannen
I just stumbled across this blog this morning as I was beginning to come to grips with my daughter's long-standing mental illness. She, too, became ill in college and we now have 16 years of living with it. I began attending a NAME Family to Family group 2 weeks ago and thank God for the beginning of my truly understanding how hard life is for her. I always new it on one level but since my own experience with depression has not been nearly as serious, didn't really understand that living in the bi-polar or schizoaffective disorder world was so devastating to her. In spite of what I thought I "knew", I always thought she needed to try harder it get better. She entered the hospital again last night after weeks of severe and frightening hallucinations. And now that she is safe and I know the professionals there are very good, I'm once again hopeful that some manner of stability will be regained. We live together and at times really struggle. While my church friends are supportive, the reality is they are can't begin to relate to my experience of being her anchor to reality. And while the NAMI class is helpful, I really long for a group Christians who care for those with mental illness. Maybe it's time to step up and start one! I've been praying about what good I am doing in the lives of others and this area of pain my be where the Lord is sending me. Thanks for a place to share these thoughts.
JORDAN AND WHITNEY WOOD
Thank you, Marlena, for sharing and covering this topic. I think that all too often, we don't discuss this often enough as a Christian family. This helps bring it to light as well as the resources many people may not realize they have.
robyn bloem
Hi, My husband just posted something, but I am so fired up over this topic, that I cannot help but post something myself! We wrote a book that came out a few years ago published by Kregel about our journey with my husband's bipolar II since 1985. Let me tell you that if you think it is bad now (which it is) you should have seen it 25 years ago. We were setting off into our first pastorate when Steve became desperately depressed and very obviously could not assume the pastorate--he could barely concentrate enough to do anything, let alone, be the senior pastor of a church. We didn't know what happened to him--suddenly he couldn't sleep, eat, work, study. He couldn't pray his way out of it, couldn't preach his way out, couldn't reason his way out--he was "washed up" we thought and we didn't understand why or how this had happened. We had three children 5 and under and I thought he would be shuffling around a psych ward in pajamas for the rest of our lives and I was scared to death! We were both 29 and felt ALONE and very frightened. We were going to call our book, "Why is Daddy Crying" because that is what our little girl used to ask me all the time. Later-much later--about 6 years later, he did get into the pastorate, tried many medications,etc and did fine--for a while--until the monster returned. In 2001, our only daughter was killed by a drug addict driving down the road and Steve and I decided we'd better make our days count. So we decided to write an honest book about our struggle with Christianity and mental illness. Our publisher was interested in a book by a pastor who had studied the Bible and became afflicted with such a disease. We decided to cover the ideas of Nouthetic counseling which basically says it is the result of sin and nothing physical, the spiritual warfare movement which says it is from generational sin and demonic activity and then the integrationists who say a little of this, that and the other, but basically call it results of sin. Well, my husband is and was then a very godly man and he was not depressed from sin--not his nor his ancestors! However, his family is riddled with bipolar and depression--as many families deal with ulcers or clogged arteries, we deal with this. Now our wonderful son has been dealing with this depression BEAST and again, I feel the panic of watching a loved one suffer so! It is adding insult to injury to blame a person with Mental Illness for something they have been dealt in God's providential plan. We also pray regularly for people who have these diseases. We have support group material we have written and hold groups ourselves for Christians. Watch for a CAMI group starting near you--"Christians Afflicted with Mental Illness." You can even start one yourselves with our material. We don't blame the victim in our study materials, we show how God can use you and can make you a wounded healer...well, thanks for your frank discussion and let's keep getting the word out about these horrific diseases. Our first potential publisher said our book (Broken Minds, hope for healing when you feel like you're losing it) was too depressing to read. I told them, "Well, you should try living it." Kregels wanted to publish it when they heard that Steve had been a pastor, a counselor and a patient in three different psychiatric hospitals. They wanted us to show the various beliefs of Christians, which we do and I add the narrative of what it looked like and how it affected our young family and our ministry. We basically have not pastored because of this whole issue. One deacon called it "a case of the nerves" and other boards have said he was too weak to minister...not so! People who survive depressive illness are the bravest people I have ever met!Steve has worked in Community Mental Health and about 7 years ago we started Heartfelt Counseling Ministries. God is using our pain to encourage others to keep going and we praise Him for that. As I said at the beginning, I am fired up--I ...
Steve Bloem
Marlena, Thank you for your blog. It is very timely. My son graduated from Cedarville with a criminal justice degree. He has been depressed for three years and has had fifteen ECT treatments with some good improvement. My sister Cyndi who went to Bible college in Penn. committed suicide in 2006. She left behind three children and her husband. My wife, Robyn and I have written a book called Broken Minds, Hope for Healing When You Feel Like You're Losing It. It was published by Kregel Publications, Grand Rapids, MI It is our story of my depression. We are an evangelical family and deal with a lot of issues. We also have started small groups for those with mental illness.Mental illness is serious and painful and we as Christians need to keep coming out and dispelling the myths!
Ann
I was saddened and somewhat surprised to hear how many churches still stigmatize the mentally ill. To those who are still looking for a place that will accept them, don't give up hope! I'm sure that my church is not unique, and we have many members who have various struggles with combinations of mental, emotional and social issues. Our church maintains a list of local Christian counselors that we refer people to, and we also encourage people to get healing prayer (and where appropriate, freedom from demonic influences). My main point is that no one is expected to choose between a medical approach and a spiritual approach, and no one is told to stop taking their meds. God can heal in many different ways. I once attended a small group Bible study where only 2 out of 12 people were not on some sort of anti-depressant or other psychiatric medication. So you can see that it was an open topic of conversation. As a small group leader, I admit that I sometimes find it challenging to incorporate people with mental illnesses, but feel that it is my responsibility to be as welcoming as I can. Usually people who are depressed or have OCD are not a problem, but people who are paranoid or have various psychoses can end up dominating a group, which makes everyone else uncomfortable, so it becomes a tricky balancing job trying to serve the one while also serving the group. I'm always looking for ways to improve at how to juggle this.
sarah gillert
Another resource - the book "Broken Minds" by Steve and Robyn Bloem. They also have a ministry for those touched by mental illness, Heartfelt Counseling Ministries, as well as other resources. I apologize for the lack of links; I'm using a cell phone and can't easily supply links. Blessing to all walking the hard road. God sees your courage:-)
Doreen Ashley
The church often has difficulty dealing with mental illness. There is this mentality in many churches that Christians should be happy and unafraid and that depression or anxiety disorders or any other mental illnesses are sin. I do think they are tied into original sin and the decay of the world in general, but mental illnesses are diseases that should be dealt with not just in spiritual ways. That is not to say sin may not be involved at times. I know in my case, I've struggled almost my whole life (from early childhood) with clinical depression as well as several anxiety disorders. My depression and enxiety got exponentially worse in college because I was now apart from my family and had no one to see that I was in a downward spiral. What has helped me is a combination of medicine, therapy, prayer, and pastoral counseling. I needed all of the above. One would not have been enough. I heard many times pastors of churches I no longer attend preach that Christians should be happy and that if they weren't, they needed to read Scripture and pray. The few people I talked to in my churches about my issues (I didn't even realize at the time what was going on) told me I needed to pray because I was sinning. Once I got on medication, I was told by fellow Christians that there was no such thing as clinical depression and that I was sinning by being on antidepressants. What I needed to do was trust God and pray. If I did that, and if I was really a Christian, my issues would go away. These Christians in my life caused me to doubt my faith. I believed them and thought that maybe I really wasn't a Christian. I took myself off my drugs, which of course made my depression and anxiety worse. I gained an intense terror of God and of his judgment. Nothing I did was good enough. I knew in my mind that it wasn't about what I did, that his grace had saved me, but the things I was told had wormed their way into my mind. I prayed over and over again to be saved. I feared death. Eventually, I found a new church, and the pastor there was amazing. He pointed out to me that God had created the human mind. He said that the mind could be ill just as the body could, and taking medicines for the mind is not any more of a sin than taking those for the body is. He counseled me and suggested that I go see a psychiatrist. I got back on medication and began seeing a therapist as well. Today, while I am not completely better, I am doing well. I wish the church had more options for helping people. The church does so much to help the sick and others who need help. The mentally ill should be able to find love and acceptance in the church as well.
H.Sniezek
Dear las, Unless this information about this womans' past, that you are not supposed to know, is from the Holy Spirit himself or this person herself... which sounds perhaps "because you are not supposed to know - but trust me" like it isn't....I wouldn't put too much stock into it.
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