Cathy - I couldn't agree more. When you're slim and attractive, everyone assumes it's your own fault that you're single. AND THERE ARE SOME MEN WHO REFUSE TO MAKE EYE CONTACT WITH A WOMAN THEY FIND ATTRACTIVE. It's extremely frustrating especially when you feel you're being judged unfairly. Thanks for your candor and for letting me know that I'm not the only one.

Cathy and Stillalone - same here. I am 39 and I have went on endless dates, without a checklist or a fantasy-man in mind. It is a struggle no matter how much you practice laws of attraction. Men are not "manning up" and asking us out! BE CONFIDENT, make yourselves available and go to places of like-kind. Not just church but if you like boating, do where Boaters are. Golf? Go where golfers go! I am certain, good man will show up for us eventually. IN the meantime, keep the faith!

Thank you to Anna and TheLordIsMyShepherd for your comments, very true I'm afriad. I'm 42 1/2 and still waiting for my first serious relationship, yes I'd like to get married but it seems that men don't want slim, intelligent and attractive (so I've been told) women. At least not here in the UK anyway!! I've had over 20 years of feeling frustrated and its very difficult to suppress the feelings especially when one has a high sex drive and no partner. Depression quickly sets in. Years of myself and friends praying hasnt helped either - except to more frustration!!!

Hmm...Andrew, we're "supposed to have kissed dating goodbye" simply because Joshua Harris said so? Forgive me, but I answer to the Father, not to Christian authors - who can sometimes be helpful but should never be perceived as infallible. If we lived that way, we'd all be entirely confused - they say so many different things! ;) Sadly, I've known a few young couples who did the courtship thing, were never alone together until marriage, married the first person they ever became involved with - and today find themselves split up. I think dating can be a healthy way to see how you mesh with lots of different kinds of people, to see what you really want and don't want. I just think you have to be careful with it. If you're saving your first kiss until marriage, stick to that; if you feel like God doesn't want you dating anyone you couldn't see yourself marrying, don't; if you don't feel comfortable dating anyone you haven't known in a friendship capacity for a certain amount of time, then turn down blind dates and accept offers from guy friends who interest you. Each must be fully convinced in his own mind. If you court, court carefully. If you date, date responsibly. And always be open to the Father's leading - with that attitude, you can't go wrong.

Since when are all of the beautiful people in the world married and all of those who are less attractive single? There are plenty of good-looking single people to go around and plenty of not so good-looking people who have managed to find a spouse. And I'm sure it's not just because the single good-looking people are all horrible, mean, snooty people who can't come up from a mirror long enough to find someone to love them. And just as equally, I'm sure not all those who are less attractive are morally superior either.

I don't think Christian women should excuse the desire to date (and marry) someone who not only matches up theologically, but also in the other aspects as well. Sure, looks shouldn't be the main factor. But if you're not attracted at all, forcing attraction just because the guy is amazing in every other way is not fair to either person in the long-run.

It's been many years for me, married 35 years, but I remember struggling mightily with this issue, especially as a young girl growing up without a father. My primary desire was for a solid man in my life. As a young Christian, many major life decisions were based upon whether I might find "him". Fortunately, I also realized that if I wanted a "great" man, I had some work to do on my self to become a "great" partner for that man. I chose to involve myself in life in a big way, doing what was my passion, though I wanted above all to be married. I met my husband doing what was on my heart, which was serving international students. I've met hundreds of couples all around the world, and been amazed at their stories of God's bringing them together in the most remote locations where they "happened" to be working or serving. So, the lesson I've taken from this is to follow what God puts on your heart, keeping in mind that being married is simply a part of life, not the sum and substance of it. The worst possible outcome would be receiving what you thought you wanted (husband) while missing out on becoming an interesting, whole human being.

Thanks, Anna, for the great article! Totally agree with your perspective on physical attraction and glad someone said it. Yes, Christians should look beyond the surface when relating to others, but most relationships don't have a physical component. Marriage does. Physical attraction is necessary in order for both members of the couple to enjoy physical intimacy. I want to add my voice to the chorus of women who are concerned about the attitudes of some men here. To the guys who are reprimanding women on this site: The day you ask out a girl YOU find unattractive is the day women will start taking your advice. In general, men are even more visually oriented than women, and lots of women who are overweight, plain, or otherwise unattractive by the world's standards get left on the shelf. I see it all the time, and, in fact, single women in churches nationwide outnumber single men three to one. I hope we can stop blaming one sex or the other for this state of affairs and acknowledge that both men and women are allowed to want marriage partners who are physically attractive to them. That said, once the requirement of physical attraction is met, we could all stand to be more focused on godly characteristics in a potential partner rather than things like career success, flashy talents, and so on.

All the comments from guys telling women they should not care about looks in a man and that there are all these "perfect" men out there who have everything except looks make me want to either laug or cry (or both). Seriously, why is it that men, no matter their looks, believe they are entitled to a gorgeous women and yet tell women they shouldn't care about looks? Honestly, it makes me angry. You see movies all the time where an average looking guy ends up with a gorgeous women, but you never see the reverse. Yet these comments are making it out as if women are the only ones who ignore the less attractive members of the opposite gender. If anything, it is the reverse. We all care about looks to a certain extent, both men and women. Both genders needs to learn to look beyond good looks and see more. And one can be physically attracted to someone who doesn't necessary meet society's standards of what an attractive person is.

Yes, God looks on the heart, but I'll be looking my future husband in the eyes every night! I have yet to meet a single man who can honestly say that looks don't play into his interest in a woman, so I'm mildly amused when I hear men complain about women having the same standards. Quite apart from issues of faith, character, lifestyle, career, family, etc., there's also the marriage bed to consider. Even St. Paul--a bachelor--had opinions on that. So, if we're not suppose to withhold ourselves from our spouse without mutual consent, it seems relatively obvious that there's wisdom in not ignoring physical attraction in the dating process. God created us as sexual beings after all! Let's not pretend we're more or less than we are. Thanks for the reminder to not take dating (or courtship) too seriously. Marriage, as desirable a state as it is, is just one path to heaven. And from what I've seen, it's better to be lonely and single than lonely and married.