The Cult of the Orgasm
Baptist theologian Russell Moore recently warned, "On the nightstand of a woman in your church, there's a Christian romance novel and a Bible." Yet if The New York Times is to be believed, he should have been more concerned with a vibrator on the nightstand.
Cultural mores are changing, The Times reports; once available mainly in dimly-lit sex shops, vibrators for women are now being sold in national chain drugstores, a supposed sign of women's empowerment: comfort with discussing and pursuing not just sex but that sometimes-elusive hallmark of "success," an orgasm. The Times credits this shift to many factors, but inevitably certain TV shows are said have played a role in the vibrator boom.
With the ranks of single Christian women unlikely to shrink anytime soon, it's doubtful we have entirely opted out of buying into this trend, since we navigate the same cultural milieu as women outside the church. Aren't we, too, struggling with some measure of sexual disappointment and frustration? Though many of us are likely too shy or conscience-stricken to purchase a vibrator, masturbation has been a topic of debate among evangelicals, with some concluding that it's an acceptable way to wait until marriage for sex (assuming sex requires a partner). How should Christian women respond to the vibrator trend and its broader message of sexual empowerment?
First, a few observations. A vibrator is a replacement—a simulator, if you will. It's not a man, but it's meant to resemble one. It's straightforward, makes no demands, produces fairly consistent results. And it doesn't smell, make rude noises, or wince when you cry. But neither can it hold you, stroke your hair, or make you coffee.
Given the choice between a "perfect" lover and a vibrator, most women would choose the real thing. But in many cases, the substitute must seem better than no lover or an imperfect one. And for those with an uneasy conscience, the ethics of sexual substitutes aren't entirely clear.
If we look at the few applicable biblical passages, it turns out that masturbation isn't exactly the point. The best-known example is Genesis 38, when Judah's son Onan is slain for "spilling his seed" instead of sleeping with his deceased brother's wife. But as Thomas Laqueur explains in his cultural history of masturbation (yes, one exists), the real moral issue was not the means of avoidance, but rather Onan's refusal to honor the cultural tradition of Levirate marriage, whereby he was supposed to provide Er's widow, Tamar, with children in his brother's stead.
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Genevieve clark
What I have found though is when I am more careful about my thoughts, what I entertain myself with and am strong and wait out the hormones with prayer and distractions (scriptures, being with good friends/not being alone, writing in my journal my frustrations, reading uplifting talks) I am closer to God and can feel His Spirit stronger in my life. It is a trial, a hard one for me, but in the end just like all trials it can help bring me closer to God. That is if I choose, which I don't always but am trying to get better at it. I don't know exactly why God doesn't turn off our hormones until we are married, or married again:P I often wish He would. All though I seriously wonder how many of us would still get married and have children if our hormones weren't "on" before marriage:P I can't explain very well why I agree with masturbation as a sin, but I do know that when I don't allow my hormones to control my actions I am a better disciple of Christ.
Genevieve clark
I am a single female member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. I am divorced and have always struggled with strong hormones. I have been divorced for over two years and wasn't married for very long, but it has been hard keeping my hormones in check and it has actually gotten harder as time goes on. For us masturbation is a sin and it has been hard to not do it and please myself. Sometimes I want to just so my hormones are not so friggen' distracting. There are times I am bitter I can't do anything about it, I didn't want to get divorced originally, but knew it was the best choice after finding out what my husband had done. Also it is hard living in a world that is so obsessed with sex. I have to be careful what I listen to, read, watch, and etc. Often I want to kill my hormones, make them disapear completely. It is very VERY frustrating!
Genevieve clark
I feel my eye is closer to being single to His glory. Sex is very distracting and even in marriage you need to control yourself. I believe that is one of the reasons masturbation is a sin, is learning to control our natural man. I believe controlling our natural man is one of the things that separates us from animals. Also one of the things that shows we are faithful to God is obeying Him when we don't understand the reason why at the time. I know it's hard, especially in our society today. But He will help you through it just like any trial He has given us or allowed in our life.
Genevieve clark
What I have found though is when I am more careful about my thoughts, what I entertain myself with and am strong and wait out the hormones with prayer and distractions (scriptures, being with good friends/not being alone, writing in my journal my frustrations, reading uplifting talks) I am closer to God and can feel His Spirit stronger in my life. It is a trial, a hard one for me, but in the end just like all trials it can help bring me closer to God. That is if I choose, which I don't always but am trying to get better at it. I don't know exactly why God doesn't turn off our hormones until we are married, or married again:P I often wish He would. All though I seriously wonder how many of us would still get married and have children if our hormones weren't "on" before marriage:P I can't explain very well why I agree with masturbation as a sin, but I do know that when I don't allow my hormones to control my actions I am a better disciple of Christ.
Genevieve clark
I am a single female member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. I am divorced and have always struggled with strong hormones. I have been divorced for over two years and wasn't married for very long, but it has been hard keeping my hormones in check and it has actually gotten harder as time goes on. For us masturbation is a sin and it has been hard to not do it and please myself. Sometimes I want to just so my hormones are not so friggen' distracting. There are times I am bitter I can't do anything about it, I didn't want to get divorced originally, but knew it was the best choice after finding out what my husband had done. Also it is hard living in a world that is so obsessed with sex. I have to be careful what I listen to, read, watch, and etc. Often I want to kill my hormones, make them disapear completely. It is very VERY frustrating!
Doreen Ashley
pft! masturbation (& orgasm) without fantasy is quite common and certainly not impossible. I don't even bother to fantasize most of the time because it would be a waste of time if I don't need to.
Allice
I was married for 31 years to an abuser and then divorced.....It is excruciating to be celibate! Is it self-love to eat when hungry? Of course not There is no reason to think masturbation is wrong.
Yohanna Puric
Thanks, Anna, for writing this. It certainly generated a lot of interest. The goal for a Christian is certainly intimacy with God whether married or single and might I add, being a good 'neighbour' to all. I truly wish a 'vibrator' and all like it would not distract me from pursuing this. Blessings
Veronica
To me masturbation is the flesh. It keeps me from God. It complicates my relationship with God. Jesus said to fast and pray that we enter not into temptation. For the single person, such as myself, I'll fast and pray to overcome fleshly desires especially those of the sexual nature.
Benita Leppi
Vibrators were invented so that we wouldn't live lives of disappointment with under-trained and sexually-selfish men. I don't think about anything when I use it - I just drift off, and when I am done, I feel free-er. It is like taking a hot bath.
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