It seems to me that the taboo subject of the menopause could be better aired and this article begins to tackle a subject that is barely whispered about. Menopause is a very individual experience as seen in the comments above, some ladies get it early, some late and then some have no impact and others can barely crawl out of the door. As someone who has been unwittingly in the process of peri-menopause without realising it for the last two years I was stunned after my first hot flushes to discover that there was a reason for all the seemingly minor symptoms, the signs were clearly there but no-one talked about it so I missed it. I find that the most helpful passage to look at is Psalm 139 and in particular that God has made us for the day ahead. It is very easy to lapse into 'it's a natural process' when thinking about the menopause and I nearly did; but a lovely sister in Christ reminded me that it's still possible to desire sanctification and to continue to seek Godliness. I am now very aware that as a result of my symptoms I may be starting from 'the back foot' and the process of peri-menopause means that I have to work twice as hard at guarding my tongue, loving people and getting up in the morning (these are my issues). It is helpful that the brothers and sisters in Christ are aware that I am going through this process and so give me extra love and understanding. We are all being refined. On the subject of the books available to those of us enjoying this change in our lives, I would say that they are helpful in helping us to understand out symptoms and the symptoms of others, however we do need to review them carefully through the lens of the Gospel. There is clearly a need out there and until someone comes up with a loving and grace-filled alternative I would say, read them but don't let them rule your life - that's a job for the LOrd!

Glad we are talking about this- I'm late 40's and wishing our Christian culture had an appealing narrative for those of us in mid-life- especially those of us without kids. Sure I"m very involved in church doing this and that, but am longing for something more compelling and challenging than just 'volunteer more' and go on anti-depressants. Anyway, I"m going to check out the Richard Rohr books and see what they hold... I"m glad Moses didn't really start his 'career' til he was 40! There's hope for us too. Its not over but sometimes it feels like it.

Paul, ...in sickness and in health... ring a bell? I'm a strong believer in marriage counseling, being in it myself right now. Maybe that could help?

I'm not convinced that caretaking "instinct" is completely rooted in biology, no matter what a person's age. However. I do think that studies have shown that hormones make a difference. The washes of hormones that boys and girls experience at puberty sure make a difference in their emotions and behavior! It doesn't make sense to completely dismiss what science has shown to be true. There probably is some difference that the loss of hormones that women experience in menopause makes a difference in their brains, just as it does in their bones. That difference will be to a different level for each woman and will be combined with many other factors that cannot be easily measured. It might be highly variable, but it is probably there.

I'm 50 and things are changing. I've always believed that this is a natural part of life and that I would go through it as "naturally" as possible. Recently had a conversation with someone who has come out the other side of this transition and it was very sobering. She said that she had gone through perimenopause and menopause completely naturally, treating the uncomfortable physical symptoms with supplements only. She regrets her decision to keep her physician at arm's length during this time. She can see now that her thinking was changed and clouded by hormone induced emotional swings. During perimenopause she divorced her husband of 30 years. She sold (at a loss) a business that she had created and built in those same 30 years, she left her church and a supportive group of friends and broke off relationship with several of her siblings. She is 60 now and her body and emotions have settled down but she is in deep mourning over the huge and unnecessary losses. The poster child for regret.

Reduced nurturing? Not on your life!! At the ripe "old" age of 55, I'm in nursing school where I use my experience and whatever small wisdom I may have attained to elicit patient's fears, concerns, questions and life stories. I've been called to this and this makes me excited to wake up in the morning. I call BS on the assumption that waning estrogen means waning nurturing.

I have found this phase of life to bring more opportunities to "care" than at any other phase. In fact, it is the first time in my life where I am actually referred to as a caregiver. I am a full time caregiver to my mother in law with end stage Alzheimer's and to my own Mama with mid-stage dementia. I am learning how to be a caregiver to my sweet Dad with Parkinsons. I have started a Bible study with young single women because I care about what it must feel like to be seeking godliness in a culture gone wild. When I get a hot flash I joke with God and tell Him to go ahead and burn the hell right out of me! I can't wait for heaven! But until then, I will continue to care for my grandkids, my friend with cancer, my young friends and my old. It never occurred to me to stop caring! It is a part of my being - my essence - not my menses.

I am a 31 year old pastor's wife. Just reading about menopause makes me dread it, but the examples of some older women that I look up to and cherish, whose wisdom I glean, is extremely encouraging. These women continue to care, love, advice and nurture. AND some follow their husbands to new mission fields, away from family and the familiar- they still find a way to put others first. One menopausal lady would fan her face, complain of a dizzying hot flash then ask 'Do you need help with baby- I could feed and burp her while you take a shower.' From @Paul... your comment touched me. I will remember to honor and respect my husband even during that stage of my life. To the older ladies...You may be menopausal, but you are loved and appreciated and we younger women would be lost without you :)

What a ridiculous theory! Having gone thru "the change" 2 years ago I can say that I have NOT become self-seeking & selfish or ignore my familie's needs ~ I have 4 kids who attend college while still living at home (it's far cheaper if you're lucky enough to live nearby!) and although they can by-and-large take care of themselves, that doesn't mean I'm not still checking in on them to make sure their laundry is done, their antibiotics have been taken, or that they've eaten (or slept!) that day. If this theory were true, how would it account for the almost universal women's yearning for grandchildren? "Selfish" women certainly would not be looking for more children to love & nurture once "relieved" of the "burden" of child-rearing (hmmm... maybe attitude is the real problem here?) Obviously God does NOT excuse us from the command to love once our ability to reproduce fades - we should not use hormones (or lack thereof) as an excuse to relieve us from our godly responsiblities to our family. And although no one else has mentioned it, I'd also like to point out that being post-menopausal does not mean and end to your sex life either (but poor health might, so take care of yourselves, ladies!) ADVICE TO PAUL: My husband used to throw chocolate at me (from afar!) when I had PMS. If your kids are teenagers just explain it to them, they are very familiar with unwanted effects of hormones on mind & body and it will help them cope with mom's moodiness. ADVICE TO PAUL'S WIFE: Seek help before you alienate your children and your husband. Talk to a pastor, marriage counselor, doctor, etc. All three will have different perspectives on the matter that you may find useful. The bottom line is that God is all about RELATIONSHIPS, and yours are definitely at risk here.

I just prayed for Paul and his wife. When our body and health isn't as it used to be sometimes it takes a while to get centered again. But God is there no matter what. I don't think you lose your nurturing instinct at all. We just have different amounts of energy, different focus in life. We are just different women then we were before. It is a wonderful time to get creative. Maybe someone like Paul can become a student of his wife. Give her love, understanding, acceptance. And maybe loving her will help her accept herself and be content. The second command is Love your neighbor as yourself. That is so true. But the reverse is true too. If you don't accept yourself you won't accept your neighbor. If you can't accept changes in yourself you won't accept them in anyone else.