@Dave Many times, we fail to pray through, or fail to make our actions congruent with our prayers, and then wonder why God does not answer. Whoever asks receives; whoever seeks finds. See Matthew 7:8. The singular reason why many prayers are not answered is not because of sin, or because it is not God's will, but because of our failure to hold on, to pray through---to persevere and refuse to let go until the answer comes. In other words, we tend to faint, rather than always pray. See Luke 18:1 You speak the truth. Thank you for these inspirational words of faith and reason. I wish more of this was taught, particularly to the single populations in the churches.

Very interesting comments, though I don't agree with all. I have learned from everyone nevertheless. There are certain concepts that I would like to comment on however, based on my walk with God over the years: 1. The proof that God wants you to marry is a desire to marry. It is God that causes you to desire His good pleasure. See Phillippians 2:13. As long as you have a desire for marriage, you need not ask if God wants you to marry. He will not give you a certain desire, and then lead you in opposite direction. God is very consistent. 2. If you really desire a spouse, you can rest assured that if you do everything you're supposed to do, you will find one. A God-ordained one that is. Many times, we fail to pray through, or fail to make our actions congruent with our prayers, and then wonder why God does not answer. Whoever asks receives; whoever seeks finds. See Matthew 7:8. The singular reason why many prayers are not answered is not because of sin, or because it is not God's will, but because of our failure to hold on, to pray through---to persevere and refuse to let go until the answer comes. In other words, we tend to faint, rather than always pray. See Luke 18:1 3. There is nothing in your past which can stop God from answering your prayer for a spouse. The blood of Jesus is stronger than any sin that you may have committed. Does anybody realize that among Christ's (human) ancestors was a prostitute, a liar, a murderer and a scheming manipulator? In my experience, many Christian sisters make it difficult for men to ask them out, or they don't make it worth their while. Men are visual beings. Sisters need to dress attractively while maintaining the standard of purity; they need to be friendly and open; they sometimes need to chat up some shy brothers. There is no sin in all these, people. Remember, Ruth actively pursued Boaz, after being coached by Naomi? Also, sisters need to get rid of unrealistic standards. Just because you're a virgin does not mean the brother must be one too. And vice versa.

To Stacy -- (Oct 3, 2011), I share your opinion. It's good to see someone put it in writing. You wrote: "I rarely pray anymore for a husband. I do however continue to pray for grace for contentment and for protection from many men who for me would be a lot of work and 'counseling projects'. I don't know anymore that I really want to marry. Sorry but I see more unhappy and unhealthy marriages than I do good ones. Our time in this body is short compared to eternity with Christ. I love my Lord and only He alone fulfills my heart!" I too am in my 50's. I divorced in my 30s and have two children. I've been celibate since then. For the past 5-10 years the desire to marry has been slowly going away on its own. Don't get me wrong, everyone wonders why I'm not married. I'm attractive, wealthy, always loved sex, emotionally stable, from a good family, with a nice personality (if I do say so myself!). But God has given me so many wonderful friends--men and women. I have a fantastic job that improves people's lives and changes the world. I have children who love me--and so do their friends. I am active on boards and in charities. I lead a group at my church. I guarantee I am less likely to die alone than most married women I know. Life is good. God is good. I recommend reading: 1. Singled Out by Dr. Bella DePaulo. Although I don't agree with everything in her book, DePaulo is a good researcher who writes on the advantages of being single and how the media has twisted and ignored data that shows how vibrant and healthy we are. 2. The research by Eric Klinenberg on Going Solo (Smithsonian) 3. If you're divorced, read the "2004 Study on Divorce at Mid-Life and Beyond." It says that most Baptists, for example, don't want to remarry.

I am also in my late 30s,never married,grew up in the church,working for God,was a youth leader most of the time.Would be very active in arranging my fellow youths' weddings.I identify with my sister,Stormclouds.However what has helped me is to be honest with God in prayer,I create time with God alone,even a full day,and I write letters to Him,and He replies.At one time in one of my letters,I told God,that I am sure He is a liar,coz I don’t see His promises in my life,why do I go through endless pain yet I meet all the conditions of answered prayers.I had switched off my phone and made sure all forms of communication with every human being are closed.When I am feeling down I always hold on to my bible and hymn book,coz they are my answer books.After some time,like 6hrs,praying and crying before God,I just opened my bible hapharzardly,and opened Jeremiah 15v18..which said,why is my pain perpetual and my wound incurable,will you be altogether unto me as a liar.I never knew this verse before,and I was startled to find a verse which had the same content with my letter,and I felt God was reassuring me,telling me that someone once misconstrued Him in the same way that I was doing.After that the Holy Spirit led me to my bible index,under the title patience.I read all the verses to do with patience,and I realised that,even our forefather Abraham,received through faith and patience.if you don’t understand the concept of patience then you can misconstrue God,and conclude He is lieing. Another time I spent the day with a friend and we were having a pity party.We concluded that obeying God does not pay,living a righteous life is a waste of time.We spoke of people who never prayed for marriage or other things and yet got those same things.Later,in the evening,when I was doing my evening devotion,I opened my bible harpharzadly and opened Malachi 3v1313 It says,“You have said harsh things against me,” says the LORD. “Yet you ask, ‘What have we said against you?’ 14 “You have said, ‘It is futile to serve God. What do we gain by carrying out his requirements and going about like mourners before the LORD Almighty? 15 But now we call the arrogant blessed. Certainly evildoers prosper, and even when they put God to the test, they get away with it.’” 18 And you will again see the distinction between the righteous and the wicked, between those who serve God and those who do not. I was soo startled by this rebuke,and in verse 18,I felt God was saying you cannot judge me before the end,delay does not mean denial.At the end of the world,that’s when the distinction of those who serve God and those who don’t will be seen.Our reward for accepting Jesus christ ultimate;y is eternal life. There is another song we sing at our church,entitled,There is a sweet sweet Spirit in this place..one of the stanzas the song goes,'There are blessings you cannot receive,till you know Him in His fulness and believe'.So I believe,there are some blessings God deliberatley witholds til we have an intimate relationship with Him. So I would urge you to confront God on a one on one basis as oour journeys are different.

I stumbled on this website by accident. I am going on 46 and never married. I havent had sex in years thinking that by honoring God by being abstinent He would answer my prayers of getting married and sharing my life with someone. I can honestly say that I get what StormClouds is saying. I have seen married women who cheated on their husbands get divorced and remarried. Women who slept with many many men end up happily married and even one man who got married 7 times. Its a struggle to keep the faith when all around you all you see is ungodlyness being rewarded time and time again. I think part of that is to test my faith, to see if I will stand strong with God while my dreams and prayers go unanswered while others take for granted what they have. I still have faith in my Lord and love Him above all else. I have accepted the fact that I probably will be alone for the rest of my life and will die alone. I am almost to scared to hope for anything else because more disappointment of unanswered prayers of marriage might just devastate me. As of right now I can handle the thought of never feeling the love of another in my life or the comfort of having someone care for you. But asking me to just get out there again over and over to be disappointed time and time again just seems cruel. Those of you who found the love of your life will never know the pain and loneliness of being alone for 40,50 or 60 years of life. Knowing that there are billions and billions of people on this earth and not one finds you loveable is enough to make the strongest person give up and just want to die. It is only the love of God who keeps me above water day in and day out. Without Him, I dont think I would be able to live the rest of my life alone. Irronically, He is the one who could end this loneliness and pain for me. Makes you wonder sometimes what it is all really about. My heart felt prayers to those of you in my situation.

I stumbled on this website by accident. I am going on 46 and never married. I havent had sex in years thinking that by honoring God by being abstinent He would answer my prayers of getting married and sharing my life with someone. I can honestly say that I get what StormClouds is saying. I have seen married women who cheated on their husbands get divorced and remarried. Women who slept with many many men end up happily married and even one man who got married 7 times. Its a struggle to keep the faith when all around you all you see is ungodlyness being rewarded time and time again. I think part of that is to test my faith, to see if I will stand strong with God while my dreams and prayers go unanswered while others take for granted what they have. I still have faith in my Lord and love Him above all else. I have accepted the fact that I probably will be alone for the rest of my life and will die alone. I am almost to scared to hope for anything else because more disappointment of unanswered prayers of marriage might just devastate me. As of right now I can handle the thought of never feeling the love of another in my life or the comfort of having someone care for you. But asking me to just get out there again over and over to be disappointed time and time again just seems cruel. Those of you who found the love of your life will never know the pain and loneliness of being alone for 40,50 or 60 years of life. Knowing that there are billions and billions of people on this earth and not one finds you loveable is enough to make the strongest person give up and just want to die. It is only the love of God who keeps me above water day in and day out. Without Him, I dont think I would be able to live the rest of my life alone. Irronically, He is the one who could end this loneliness and pain for me. Makes you wonder sometimes what it is all really about. My heart felt prayers to those of you in my situation.

I stumbled on this website by accident. I am going on 46 and never married. I havent had sex in years thinking that by honoring God by being abstinent He would answer my prayers of getting married and sharing my life with someone. I can honestly say that I get what StormClouds is saying. I have seen married women who cheated on their husbands get divorced and remarried. Women who slept with many many men end up happily married and even one man who got married 7 times. Its a struggle to keep the faith when all around you all you see is ungodlyness being rewarded time and time again. I think part of that is to test my faith, to see if I will stand strong with God while my dreams and prayers go unanswered while others take for granted what they have. I still have faith in my Lord and love Him above all else. I have accepted the fact that I probably will be alone for the rest of my life and will die alone. I am almost to scared to hope for anything else because more disappointment of unanswered prayers of marriage might just devastate me. As of right now I can handle the thought of never feeling the love of another in my life or the comfort of having someone care for you. But asking me to just get out there again over and over to be disappointed time and time again just seems cruel. Those of you who found the love of your life will never know the pain and loneliness of being alone for 40,50 or 60 years of life. Knowing that there are billions and billions of people on this earth and not one finds you loveable is enough to make the strongest person give up and just want to die. It is only the love of God who keeps me above water day in and day out. Without Him, I dont think I would be able to live the rest of my life alone. Irronically, He is the one who could end this loneliness and pain for me. Makes you wonder sometimes what it is all really about. My heart felt prayers to those of you in my situation.

To John: I'm very sorry. I can see you've been through some very painful ordeals. I'm in a similar situation as you, but a bit younger and I haven't completely stopped believing in God. I still believe that Christ died for my sins and rose again, but I'm at a point where I am really struggling with many of the other things I believed for years. I used to sincerely believe that if I prayed, waited, and had faith (as I was told by my mother to do) that God would send me a husband, and that it would happen (I also heard famous pastors say the same thing), but it never happened. And over the years, I did attend Christian singles classes and I tried dating sites. After a life time of living for God, genuinely trying to please Him, having faith, etc., I feel like I have nothing to show for it. Other Christians will tell you to cling to the promises of the Bible and to keep praying, but I'm tired, and not seeing any results. I'm also tired of seeing and reading testimonies by people who were literally porn stars and prostitutes (or muggers and drug dealers) who say after they became Christians in their 30s or 40s or beyond that they became married to godly spouses. I cannot understand why I, who lived a clean and sexually pure life my whole life, am still without a spouse at my age (past 35). Why would God permit or send a former prostitute a good husband, but not someone like me, who consistently lived out a Christian lifestyle since she was a child? It makes all the years of devotion seem so pointless and a waste. As for the post by Jen - you probably mean well, but you have got to be kidding. Any church I go to the females out number the males,and that is the same ordeal for many other females I've seen on Christian blogs. Also getting a husband is not a matter of "fix yer hair really purity and dust on some rouge and a apply lip stick and you'll get a man fer shure!" Being a stunning beauty is no guarantee of getting a mate. I stay thin, wear pretty dresses, look stunning, but none of that has helped me marry. It's also trite advice singles get tired of hearing, such as, "If you'd just do more of X you would get a man," or "If you would do less of Z you'd get a man" To Casie: 35 and then 40 will be here faster than you realize it. When you're 22, you feel like time is on your side. It isn't. And the advice about "pray, trust the Lord, wait, and he will send you a man" doesn't work either, but then, I've also seen women say that "putting yourself out there" (such as joining lots of dating sites, etc) doesn't always work either.

Regarding: Posted By: Vicki | September 28, 2011 10:13 AM Interesting, but that was one downer of a post, Vicki. Vicki said, "So christian men and women need to get over these unbiblical promises and focus on the Gospel." Christians are not unfeeling robots. Some of them really deeply struggle with prolonged singleness, which can create loneliness and sexual desires going unmet, which ain't easy either. To just brush this aside callously as you have done is insensitive and not, IMO, even biblical. You are to weep with your sisters in Christ who are weeping about being single, not bash them for the pain and frustration they are in.

This reminds of this story (which I hope is not applicable) where a friend of mine joined an all-women's Bible study. She was at a point in her life where she wanted to make some female friends, so that was her strategy. To her horror, week after week, one of the most regular prayer concerns of these 20's-somethings (and 20's-plus-teens) was that they would like God to bring a Christian boyfriend into their lives. My friend befriended some of them and asked them what that would look like, and the women wanted to be passive; to "try" to get a boyfriend was equivalent to distrust in God. (My friend, being a relatively new Christian, and already dating -- now married close to a decade and a half -- was shocked and told me of this pathology!) I have seen this and hope and pray it is not the case. Satirically, if I applied it to a new job, it would be equivalent to an employer, cold calling you, not knowing why he/she wanted to do it, telling you he/she had a 6-digit salaried job that was the perfect job for you, while you had not sent out any resumes/cover letters and didn't want to interview. (The parallels between dating and job searches are amusing.) I am a man, now husband and proud father of a little one. I was in my late 30's when I got married. I have several observations watching singles in their 20's and 30's and thinking about the issue of singleness, marriage and dating (and everything in-between). First is that it isn't distrusting God to go out and do something. Haddon Robinson once noted that someone wrote him a $20 check out of the blue, saying that God had laid [him and his wife] on their hearts, and Haddon thanked God. But yet, why is it, Haddon wondered, that he doesn't always thank God that God provided him a job to provide for his needs? We mustn't think that "normal" means is any less supernatural than extraordinary means, or that if we have to make an effort (including work) that it lessens our dependence on God. Second, we need to take 1Corinthians 7 seriously. The context might be that there is an error in the Corinthian church where they were trying to practice "Heaven on earth" where they would not allow marriage, they would encourage married people not to have marital relations, and so on. It was an over-glorification of singleness. The apostle Paul gives these two complementary gifts: marriage and singleness, both for the edification of the church. Two of the greatest "Christian" leaders (Jesus of Nazareth and the apostle Paul) were single. John R. W. Stott was single. So was Amy Carmichael. Singleness is not a time for pining but a time of service to the church. God uses both of these gifts also to help in the holiness of believers, whether the individual or with the church. Yet marriage was not to be denigrated; it too, is a beautiful gift. Yet we should not fall into an opposite error of requiring (or encouraging) that all Christians be married, or that they are unfit for service if they are single. God has called people to be married or to be single for a time (and in Heaven, where there is no marriage or giving in marriage and no marital relations)... anyway. God calls us to be holy, so we should ask of Him what it is at this point in time He wishes us to learn. Singleness is also a time of celibacy, since the marital union, well, is that! The place of sex is within the context of a committed marital union between one man and one woman, husband and wife. Third, certain women are very popular and also certain men are very popular. Sadly to say, we are fallen creatures, and as such, we are prone follow what some people term "evolutionary biology," i.e., men look for young, good-looking (read: fertile, desirable) women; women look for alpha males, confident, powerful, articulate. There's only a small number of those. Instead, the Bible teaches about looking at character, whether through stories like Ruth or the teachings of Proverbs. Why not spend time, investing in relationships, observing ...