Thank you for your article that puts the focus on the victims rather than the abusers. I run a ministry for victims of child abuse (all kinds of abuse). Sadly, the way victims are treated by the church is often no different from how they are treated by society, as outcasts, as damaged goods, and even as though they are somehow to blame for having caused an upstanding citizen to abuse them. They are often callously told to just get over it, as though it was something trivial. Rarely is the depth of their pain, anguish, and brokenness recognized, perhaps because the subject is still considered taboo. By putting the focus on the victims you have helped give them a voice, and helped them feel that they, too, have dignity and are worthy of Christ's love.

Victims who stay in the church have to work hard to create an internal truce between their experience of abuse and the message of Jesus.

And if this was indeed perpetrated, then it is deeply saddening for the victim and her family.

I definitely believe that we need to pray for the 10 year old girl and her family, along with Tom's family. No amount of good 'works' can make up for violating a child. As a Christian and a licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, with 7,000 hours of clinical and pastoral counseling, children and adults don't just 'man up' and walk through it. If it was that easy, then we would all be walking on water and ready for translation to heaven...and there would be no need for Jesus to heal the broken hearted and set the captives free. At Straight 2 the Heart's prayer and discipleship ministry, we share how Jesus fulfilled prophecy when He was: 1. stripped naked 2. physically violated 3. verbally and mentally abused 4. shamed, embarrassed and humiliated 5. by those in religious and civil authority over Him. And He did this as the "Author of our salvation, who was made perfect through suffering," (Hebrews 2:10; 14-18). Jesus suffered the same kind of abuse, to the point that He was marred more than any man, so that we could not even recognized Him as a human being (Isaiah 52:14)... I always share this part of Jesus' gospel with sexual abuse victims... and I work with them almost every week because there are so many of them. I wonder if Bill has really allowed Jesus to "search his heart and try his thoughts," (Psalm 139:23-24; Heb. 4:12), so God is allowed to be God, God is honored as God, with God making the decision as to whether or not he is truly over his sexual abuse...long after the physical pain is gone, those negative thoughts from Satan, the 'father of lies' are still there. And now this 10 year old and her family will need to deal with any abuse that happened, along with Tom's suicide, (as well as Tom's family). If I was talking with Tom's family, I would share how Jesus, in His own experience had a close friend and partner in ministry commit suicide, so He can identify with Tom's family as well as the girl. It is a messy, messy world, filled with brokenness. And as we pray with people, connecting their story to Jesus story, week after week, we find them being able to think about everything that was done TO them, and have God's supernatural peace, because of everything Jesus has done FOR them. It is a process - one that is Christ-centered, Cross-centered, Word-centered and Prayer-centered. It is a process based on Biblical principles offering healing to the victim who has been violated, the violator who needs forgiveness for his sins, and their families. Without the supernatural grace and peace of God, healing will not, cannot take place, even if we just tell ourselves or others to 'get over it.' With sadness for the girl, for her family and Tom's family, and prayers that God's amazing grace will flow into all their hearts, through the suffering, death and resurrection of Jesus Christ. Paul Coneff www.straight2theheart.com "Connecting Jesus Story To Our Story"

This makes me sad. If we Christ-ians cannot cast off the yolk of the flesh, and truly and sincerely be just representatives for His Name, how ever will we win the world to Him? Now understand me, He brings the increase, but from our end, what would give our words creditability if we are sinning IN His Church? I know the Gospel cannot be bottled or capped, and despite how we fail miserably,It will keep going beyond the energizer bunny, but if we claim to be His, we dim His glory by our self centered-ness. Prayer is needed for everyone touched in a wrong way. Please pray with me.

Sorry Tim... I mean Bill. Bad advise from Bill...Even the things you hear in church, as a born again christian can mess you up...you want to be free of all this stuff,you know your saved, you love Jesus yet you really don't know where all your issues come from. Some people don't even know they were sexually abused till they seek help for the dysfunctions that they thought should stop after salvation. It's eye opening and it's satan's way of destroying family's and our witness I guess. We need to pray for all these kids who's nightmares were not nightmares but real life.

SurvivorGirl~ Yes. You said it very well.

REALLY? obviously, most of you are more ignorant than you profess..... but if Christianity Today is harboring a perp.... do their words matter? IT IS NOT ONLY CHILDHOOD SEXUAL ABUSE THAT IS A PROBLEM!

Well done! This blog post is timely. CSA (clergy sexual abuse) and CSM (clergy sexual misconduct) occur in staggering numbers in all denominations and across all faiths, world-wide. A great deal of the focus is on child victims, yet there are large numbers of adult victims, meaning those who have been abused as adults, as well. According to Diana Garland, Dean of Baylor School of Social Work, more than 3% of women who were present in a congregation in the past month are victims of CSA/CSM. The pastor has a fiduciary responsibility to those in his/her charge and any relationship he/she has with a congregant is complicated by an imbalance of power within the ministerial relationship. Many erroneously refer to a sexual relationship between a pastor and a congregant as an "affair," when it is, in fact, abuse. Pastors receive training on CSA, but congregations don't. That needs to change - YESTERDAY. CSA thrives in secrecy. Talking about it, preaching about it, and making church and denominational policies known to everyone sitting in the pew is the right place to start. Education is key. We should take to heart this profound statement by Holocaust survivor and author Elie Wiesel: "Let us remember: What hurts the victim most is not the cruelty of the oppressor, but the silence of the bystander." God, help us to stand up and speak out - to Your glory. Amen.

elastigirl, Yes, this is what happens. It is called 'dissociation' and is very common in child abuse, especially child sexual abuse. It is a self-defensive reaction without which most would not survive the horror. Often, the person remembers the events in a detached, clinical sort of way (like it happened to someone else) until they are in a position (environmentally or experientially) where they can begin processing the pain. And it can be excruciating and confusing and look crazy - and may not happen until they are well into adulthood. That all depends on the events around the abuse and whether they received help at the time or had to hide it and deal with it alone.