@ Amy I certainly agree. I'm rather tired of being told that I don't really know what love is, I'll understand blank when I'm a mother, or other patronizing comments. It tends to happen particularly when I tell people that I will probably not be giving up my job when we have kids. All of a sudden everyone seems to know me and what I'm going to do so much better then myself. Whether they're right or not (probably not, I have good reasons behind that statement) it brings to mind the saying that even a fool seems wise until he opens his mouth.

When I took an undergraduate, general education psychology course (admittedly quite a few years ago), we were taught that a married couple should spend a least 3 years adjusting to marriage before adding a baby to the mix. Has thinking changed so much since then that a baby in 9 months is considered a good thing? The Duke and Duchess of Cambridge have a particularly high profile, and I would assume high stress, marriage. 30 is hardly dotage. I don't see what the rush is.

It is also good to avoid talking about motherhood in terms of "the best job you can have" or "the best love you can experience" (both heard at recent baby showers within my church!). God is creative! He has many, many "best jobs" out there for his children and has already shown us "the best love."

Kate and William are not exactly "celebrities" in the American sense. As heir to the throne, William will be the head of state of the UK and 32 or so countries in the Commonwealth of nations; not exactly the same duties as Brangelina. Perhaps Americans tend to project their hollywood celebrity obsession on to the royal couple, but for the rest of us here in Canada and elsewhere in the Commonwealth, William is our future "president" and the royals are symbols of national identity and patriotism; we pledge allegiance to the monarch on a regular basis.

I think that the reason this is probably a WORSE offense among Christians (and especially those who style themselves Christian but don't spend any time in self examination) is that we excuse "well-meaning" gossip. All of those questions are gossip. Exactly what is "well-meaning" about prying into someone's sex life? If you ask someone if they are "trying" to have children and the answer is no, that leaves plenty of judgmental avenues open, doesn't it? And no opportunity that I can see to support or be a blessing to the unfortunate subject of your interrogation. Either she is "rebelling" against God's (supposed, from poor biblical exegesis) desire that every woman bear children, refusing to have sex in marriage (wouldn't that be a great coffee clache conversation) or she is using birth control which is another judgment-conducive topic amongst so-called Christians. How supportive is it to bring THAT up in PUBLIC?. Its not just infertility that is the issue -- if your spouse is struggling with addictions, if your marriage is struggling, if you are homeless and your "Christian" community has not noticed that you are living at a shelter (this happens a lot folks) then this ridiculous prying takes on a whole new level of hurt. Gossip is from the devil, whether it is the direct prying to get private information or the passing along of your conclusions about it later. Christian women need to spend a lot more time in James and check the tongue. NO gossip is really well-meaning, and the more we excuse it the worse we all become.

Courtney, Hoo-rah! Although it is true that children are a blessing from the Lord (suggesting we should want many of them), and that some couples who don't want children are rebelling against God's call, God does not necessarily call all couples to bear children, and he may call some to childlessness for the sake of his kingdom. At the same time, in our self-centered culture, even Christian couples need to ask themselves if their lack of desire for children is due to excessive satisfaction with earthly pleasures, and unwillingness to sacrifice for the sake of raising godly children. Otherwise, like choices of where to worship, work, or live, choices with respect to when and whom to marry, and whether and when to bear--or try to bear--children are personal, and matters between the couple and God. If you are family or a close friend, you may be privileged to share in those matters, but if not, you have no ground from which to ask, let alone criticize. The response to an impertinent question should both gently highlight the impertinence, and educate the questioner about the possible reasons why children are not yet on the way. One answer to impertinent questions may be along these lines: "Thanks for your interest. Why do you ask?" Another, especially after a recent miscarriage, or when battling infertility, may be to mention the problem (of which the questioner is undoubtedly unaware), and ask the inquirer to pray for you. "Thanks for asking. I'm sure you don't know this, but we miscarried last month, and would really appreciate your prayers for us." While it is often difficult to make such information public (even within the church), it does forestall the impertinent questions. When all else fails, just say that "John [or Jane] and I are waiting on God to provide the children he wants us to have." Who can argue with that?

This is a topic I’m very passionate about as well. A few of the lines in the comments have summed up how I feel about being a 29 year old, married for 4 years, childless female. I hesitate some days to even go anywhere and talk to anyone I don’t know. Because it always comes up, at church related and any other event. I wish I had these lines taped to my forehead so I wouldn’t have to try and respond in an appropriate, kindly way while I’m trying not to scream “Don’t I have a right to exist without having a kid?!” Sarah K said: “Considering how babies are made, isn't this private information?” I don’t talk about “how babies are made” with anyone but my husband. I get uncomfortable when friends have always opened up (a bit) about their lives in that way. I change the subject, laugh since I’m uncomfortable, I chime in with the joking about about how “prude” I am and we move on. Anonymous said: “Those of us who are childless KNOW we are childless including those of us still waiting for our husbands to show up and we don't need to be reminded that our clocks are ticking or any comments about our "free" lifestyles because we don't have children either.” I don’t like being told that “your clock is ticking” any more than that person would like to be told that “Your hair is falling out” or “Your face is getting wrinkles.” All of these things may be the case but it also may not be - all these things that are considered inevitable, may be for some and not for others. Stephanie said: And then, worst of all, if you're married without kids and you answer you're not sure if you want children, you are then lectured. Or judged. I try not to answer the question if at all possible. I try to deflect but sometimes 1) people are so unaware that they press and you cannot get rid of them and 2) I answer because why should I not be who I really am? I should be able to answer truthfully. (I will not lie just to get someone off my back even if I will never see them again. I spent most of my life agreeing to everything everyone said just to make everyone happy and that is not healthy.) And for my truthful answer “No, I don’t have children. No, not anytime soon.” I am judged. The worst part are the people who are mad at you for not wanting children, as if you are selfish to have a life of your own or take some time to think carefully about what God wants from your life (which for mine may or may not include children). I have plenty of children in my life whom I love and would support in an instant and they are blessing. They can be blessings with or without being "mine." I cannot grasp how people are concerned about celebrity or royal or whomever potential pregnancies (or weddings for that matter). I would like to imagine most people (royalty, celebrity or otherwise) would like at least some privacy around this matter. I wish it wouldn’t become a headline or a news story to follow. Announce if you wish, yes. But make it a on-going story, No. I think that has the possibility of cheapening and diluting what is such a beautiful, precious and God-given time to the couple and those in their lives they wish to share it with.

I agree that we shouldn't pry into peoples lives and can be insensitive to pain they may be going through, i have had 4 miscarriages myself. The church isn't real good about recognizing that loss, and often avoids it in the name of discretion as well. However, the Bible does says that children are a blessing and heritage from the Lord. We should be the first to acknowledge that and desire children if possible. Celebrate life and acknowledge loss. While there are certainly nasty folks(sinners in church imagine that) I've found most truly want to bless and rejoice and don't know what to do with infertility or loss. Let's work on that together.

Thanks so much for your article! I married my husband really young and had fantastic 6 years of marriage before we started "trying" to have kids. We prayed about having kids since our first year of marriage, but for one reason or another we felt that God gives us a "no" for an answer. It just didnt feel like it was the time for us. We would feel like we would disobey God if we entered "parents" ministry when in fact He had a different plan for us for those 6 years. Then one day we both felt like God is saying-- yes, Go-- now is the time. The only thing that ever made us question God was people who would constantly nag- "when are you having kids? biological clock is ticking. Wouldn't you just love one of these?" I hated those questions and they brought many tears. I was given a lecture that I can't understand love and compassion until I have kids and that I'm a worse, disobedient person because of that. The lecture was given by an associate pastor in our church. I'm pregnant now. Couldnt be any happier and know for aure it was God's timing.

Great thoughtleadership piece to start raising awareness of a challenging and often upspoken issue. My wife and I have attended a wonderful course held at our church (HTB, also know worldwide for the alpha course) that is called "waiting for children" - which has helped us discuss as a couple the issue of infertility and remaining fruitful for the Lord what ever great future He has in store for us! Would be great to have a place to share materials and great learnings