A Parenting Manual for Men Freaked Out by Pregnancy
If you're old enough, you'll likely remember the series of commercials, televised in the late '80s, for cars such as the brand-new snazzy Cutlass Supreme. Each advertisement ended with the words, "This isn't your father's Oldsmobile."
That tagline, slightly modified, aptly describes Christian Piatt's new memoir, PregMANcy: a Dad, a Little Dude, and a Due Date (Chalice Press). From the first page—indeed, from the first line—readers gather that this is no conventional Christian book on fatherhood such as the guides offered by Josh McDowell or John Fuller. Whereas McDowell's The Father Connection begins with the famous apologist's idyllic recollection of holding his infant daughter for the first time, the first sentence of Piatt's book is: "Screw it."
This isn't your father's parenting guide.
Piatt, the author of several books, including Banned Questions about the Bible and co-editor of the WTF? (Where's the Faith) series for young adults, is the epitome of a postmodern Christian man. He co-parents his two young children with his wife, a pastor, in Portland, Oregon. He shrugs off the usual tacit prohibitions in Christian publishing against such things as using the verb "to doink" for sex or admitting that he "hardly has his s--- together." He describes himself as an "author/speaker/antagonist/God nerd," and a "father, son, holy heretic." As a believer, he is far more likely to speak about "reconciling human brokenness in love" than to triumphantly proclaim that "we are more than conquerors."
In PregMANcy, along with his witty, sometimes coarse, always candid descriptions of his experience of his wife's second pregnancy, he offers genuine spiritual reflection. He writes, for example, about his discomfort with the theology being taught at his son's Christian school, which seemed to offer a gospel more based in judgment than the tolerant approach to which Piatt and his wife had exposed their son. In guiding his young son in his own Christian journey, Piatt asserts that "the best expressions of faith are not taught rhetorically," but that "kids learn more about loving our neighbors by watching us being loving toward them than by what we tell them."
"It's great to talk about Jesus to your kids, but it's more important to be Jesus for them," Piatt writes. "Big shoes to fill, I know, but lots of people call God 'Father' for a reason. Until they can understand the real one better, we're playing God in our kids' lives."
That Piatt is estranged from his own father adds gravity to this memoir. In the chapter titled "Daddy Day Conspiracy," he reveals how his wounds over that loss (Piatt told me that his father doesn't answer calls or emails) "boil up" one Father's Day.
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Comments
from two to one
What about any resources for women freaked out by pregnancy? I'm not the only one!
Robyn Widmer
"tool" = slang for idiot
MICHELE GYSELINCK
"Unless you're a complete tool...." Was "fool" intended here and "tool" the result of a typo? Because I don't see what the word tool contributes to this discussion. In what way is a man a tool for walking out on his kids?
Jennifer Grant
Tim - great point about co-parenting! I should have made more explicit that he is an at-home dad to his young kids and co-parents in that respect with his wife who also primarily works from home. Thanks for all of your thoughtful comments and reflections on how kids are so badly injured when parents walk away.
Crooked Bird
I was thinking that same thing, Robyn! Sounds like an interesting book, though, and a good conversation starter for that stuff maybe.
Tim
Piatt is "the epitome of a postmodern Christian man. He co-parents his two young children with his wife ..."? I would hope that fathers parenting their children is not a strictly post-modern phenomenon, Jennifer. It's what I and my friends were doing before post-modernism became so vogue-ish, anyway. Maybe I'm just getting hung up on rhetoric here, though. This part bugs me quite a bit more: Its great to talk about Jesus to your kids, but its more important to be Jesus for them, Piatt writes. Piatt is wrong. He's not wrong about living out one's faith, of course. (James 1:22.) He's wrong about it being more important than talking about Jesus. How, then, can they call on the one they have not believed in? And how can they believe in the one of whom they have not heard? And how can they hear without someone preaching to them? (Romans 10:14.) This part is golden though: Unless youre a complete tool, you never walk away from your kids, he writes. I've seen too many families where one or both parents have abandoned their kids, and the kids are paying for it in my courtroom. Child dependency cases, criminal charges, mental health matters, it comes up in lots of ways. Thanks for the review, Jennifer. It got me thinking. Tim
Clay Anderson
As a relatively new father (my oldest is 3), I agree with Robyn. Piatt's generalizations--as related by this review--don't seem especially helpful, and seem to characterize guys in the stereotypical shallow, immature fashion that is so prevalent and destructive. That said, it seems his intent is to connect with guys who are functioning at that level, and guide them to a more mature perspective. Maybe this book can do that, though I question how many who might need such guidance would dare pick this one up.
Robyn Widmer
Sounds like a fascinating addition to the "parenthood" literature. I'm wary of generalizations such as those quoted here, however. I think it would be more valuable to view such a book as one person's perspective rather than a tool to "discover what their husbands may not have articulated to them about how they experienced the journey to parenthood." Much better to actually ASK one's spouse if such sentiments apply to him/her than to assume that a book will enlighten.
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