"Do I look pregnant, or do I look fat?"

I hate to say it, but this question has become an almost daily occurrence in my household. Ever since I entered that dreaded in-between phase of pregnancy when your belly is halfway between a bump and a gut, I have been enormously insecure. I can just feel those skinny moms at the gym judging me.

Until recently, I have never struggled much with body confidence. But as the numbers on the scale have gone up, my esteem has fallen down. Now, I constantly appeal to my husband for a fleeting boost of affirmation.

The funny thing about the question, "Do I look fat?" is that I am aware, in the middle of asking it, how unattractive it is. There is nothing sexier than a woman who loves herself, and there is nothing unsexier than a woman clawing for compliments. What's more, as a wife and soon-to-be mom, I would like to think that I've matured in this department, that I shed these superficial trappings years ago. But my insecurities are not unlike those of the average teen girl today, and this commonality is evidenced by the latest (though certainly not new) trend among young teens: the "Am I Ugly?" videos.

The videos, which have popped up all over YouTube in recent weeks, typically feature young teens or "tweens" who face the camera and pose the simple question, "Am I ugly or am I pretty?" Some of these videos have garnered millions of pageviews with a range of responses. Comments fall anywhere on the spectrum between care and concern to disgusting words of hatred.

What makes the videos especially heartbreaking is the young age of the girls who post them. After all, these girls are just that—girls. As I watched some of these videos, I wanted to reach through the screen and hug their tiny shoulders. Each child seems far too young to worry about their physical attractiveness, let alone subject herself to such a critical atmosphere.

Unfortunately, the girls' age is the only thing truly new about this trend. Women have long used the Internet to assess their own beauty publicly. For instance, on websites such as HotorNot.com, individuals can post photos and receive feedback about their appearance.

The trend—at least the question of beauty—is not unknown to Christians either. In 2004, Christian singer Bethany Dillon released her hit song "Beautiful" in which she vocalized her deep yearning to "be worthy of love, and beautiful." In her bestselling book Captivating, Stasi Eldredge (wife of John Eldredge) argues that the "essence of a woman" is her beauty, and encourages women continually to "ask Jesus to show you your beauty."

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Dillon's song and Eldredge's book hit a chord with many Christian women, and it's easy to understand why. If Christian products are any indication of demand, women in the church are deeply interested in the question of their beauty. A quick search of the terms "beauty" and "beautiful" on ChristianBook.com yields hundreds of book results. Indeed, Christian women want to know what makes them beautiful inside and out. Beyond stretch marks and wrinkle lines, we equate beauty with value.

Lest we assume this is a modern-day concern, it's even addressed in Scripture. In Song of Solomon 2:1, Solomon's lover confesses to feeling like a plain "rose of Sharon" and a common "lily of the valleys." Solomon assuages her longing for beauty with his lovely words in verse 2: "Like a lily among thorns is my darling among the young women."

Apparently I am not the first women to seek such affirmation from her husband.

No, the question, "Am I beautiful or am I ugly?" is not a new one. Nor is the solution. My dependence upon my husband for confidence is not totally unlike the tactic of these girls; we are both after the praise of man. I simply chose a safer source.

That is not to say that it's wrong to derive affirmation from others. That is, in part, a function of the church. We are given to one another to edify and build up the Body of Christ. But the latest evolution of this longstanding trend reminds me of two important truths.

First, God alone is the source of the satisfaction we seek. Even my husband serves only as an echo of the pleasure God finds in me. In a fickle society that both emphasizes exterior beauty but is impossible to please, this truth cannot be underscored. It is a strong foundation in a world of shifting sand.

Second, we must not give the question of personal beauty too much power. While its presence in Scripture certainly validates our attention to it, I fear that women have also become inordinately preoccupied with it. Although beauty is an attribute of God and we must seek to see it restored in creation, we should also remember that it is not beauty we are ultimately after. We are ultimately after Christ.

For me, this entails the following thought process on the days when I question my own physical beauty. It means remembering that my beauty is fixed and unchanging in Christ, and then deriving from that truth the strength to think about higher and better things. To do higher and better things.

For many women, the process will be long and arduous. Every woman has her own wounds to deal with, and every woman's journey of healing is different. But, the end goal is not to feel beautiful. The end goal is the "blessed self-forgetfulness" that Tim Keller describes—a forgetfulness that frees us from fussing over ourselves so that we can worship and serve God.

Until we make this our aim and our prize, all the positive affirmation in the world will stand no chance before the withering power of one negative comment.

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