This message is for Robin - God sent me my husband when I was 45 and it was tough at times to remain single. I had a single woman post on my blog that she was angry with God because He hasn't sent her a husband yet. Here was my response to her, which gives advice about what to do to endure the wait. Go here to read it: http://www.takebackyourtemple.com/message-to-christian-single-women/

David and Prem nailed it with a slight caveat. Marriage for men is not just a bad idea, it has become irresponsible. I have been married for over 20 years and watched my marriage and my christian friend's marriages turn into abusive, extortion oriented slave contracts with our "good" christian wives threatening to divorce if they aren't "happy." If I showed my pastor a contract I was about to sign, that obligated me to pay for my business partner's expenses even if the my partner unilaterally dissolved the contract, he'd laugh at me and tell me that's an irresponsible thing to do. If I added that 70% of these types of contracts were unilaterally dissolved by people like my partner and that I could be imprisoned if I failed to keep up payments to my partner, even if I lost my job, my pastor would worry about my sanity. I warn young christian men about marriage and the unleashed female nature of today's christian women. I have many friends who so as well. Men. Don't Marry!

Single ladies -- do not lose hope. I became a Christian at 29 and did not meet the mate God ordained for me until I was 51. Looking back, the years of waiting, as the author notes, were years of sanctifying, purifying, relying on the Lord. I know the feeling of going into a drug store valentine's day and seeing all the husbands busily buying candy and cards and saying why not me, Lord? Or going out on a beautiful summer day and seeing nothing but couples and familes and saying, why not me, Lord? Now that I have a partner, I realize that singleness has its upside as well as being coupled does. When I feel like throwing my hands in the air over something my mate has done, I remember all the long years of longing. While I wouldn't want to be single again (I truly believe two is better than one), I would say especially to those never marrieds -- God will always be your Great Love, as he is mine. If and when he sends that flesh mate, He will still be your greatest love.

I know I’m late to the comments, but this article has touched me. I’ve had people tell me to be grateful I’m single and that I don’t have to take worry about anyone else. I’m still praying for a husband, but my question lately is this “season of singleness” a season, or the rest of my life. Barbara, your comment gave me hope because I’m in my mid-40’s now and have never been married, so knowing you were married at 52 years old gives me hope that it might still happen to me. Another question I have is if God created Eve for Adam so that he wouldn’t be alone, why is it OK for me to be alone? Last year I had a job change where I went from an office of over 200 people, to 2 people – me and my boss. I’m thankful I still have a job, but I’m alone at work and I’m alone at home. There is a difference in being lonely in a marriage and being lonely while being single, but loneliness is loneliness.

Robin asked - "Am I being punished for something? Is there something drastically wrong with me?" The answer Robin is no and no, emphatically. Where God is leading you is beyond my knowledge, but I do know that those who are in Christ are not subject to God's punishment ever. He loves you prodigiously and extravagantly, and will never give up doing so. Your pain from those broken relationships is immense, and I'd never suggest it shouldn't be. All I can say is that God is your constant companion throughout. Praying for you now. Tim

I am a 49 year old never married Christian male who enjoys reading HerMeunutics - often it is the only item in the CT daily digest that I read. I am not surprised at all by the volume of comments on this post. I have been hearing most of these ideas my entire adult life. Every time I have seen it addressed I witness the same sort of impassioned response. I am especially not surprised by the way so many of the women commenters dismiss the perspectives offered by the men commenting. If you want to know why men are not choosing to marry single women, don't you perhaps want to know what the men are thinking and what our experience is? In case anyone actually cares, my experience is similar to what the other men have shared. Single Christian women have unrealistic expectations. They expect men to be perfect. Newsflash: there are no perfect human beings! I am a wounded person who has learned coping behaviors that served me as a child but do not work in adult hood. I am working on learning new ways to be in my life. All I ask is that you own your own hurts, habits and hangups and allow me grace to work on my own. I meet very few single Christian women who get this. I suppose it is rare for men as well, but I am not interested in marrying a man so I am not keeping score. What I do know is that the most common male coping mechanisms are branded "bad" by women, but the ways women cope are all acceptable. This kind of double standard is not conducive to finding a relationship. If a woman drops a man the first time he has an unacceptable instinctive response to something she does or says, then shame on her for having no grace - especially if the man apologizes and is taking steps to work on his issues. And yes, this has happened to me more than once. I have recently met several single Christian women who I was interested in getting to know better. They don't even give me the time of day. If a single woman wants to be attractive to a man, it might be a good idea to actually act like she is interested in him. Or is even interested in a relationship with anyone. I would be happy to just spend time together platonically. At this point in my life I am working on becoming more like Jesus, unlearning the instinctive responses that don't work for me anymore, learning how to live His love towards others, and I truly am not even thinking about marriage. I am much happier seeking personal fulfillment in a relationship with God than being constantly shot down by single Christian women who are looking for Mr. Perfect ("Jesus re-incarnated") and in denial about their own imperfections.

I read your article with interest and tears in my eyes. I am twice divorced and now single for the past seven years. My children are grown with families of their own and I am alone. What would you say to the single woman who has been rejected, abandoned and tossed aside? Am I being punished for something? Is there something drastically wrong with me? I've been a Christian for the past 28 years. Both my husband's professed to be Christians. Both men committed adultery and left the marriage. My heart aches for companionship, I'm so lonely I think I'm going to die sometimes. What do I do?

As a single twenty-something with many of my close friends marrying, I believe I can speak on the best ways a married woman can comfort her single friends through a tough season. I have been blessed with some amazingly transparent married friends who confide in me both the joys and trials of marriage. Knowing that marriage, as well as singleness, has its ups & downs, is the most helpful. This has really encouraged me to find the benefits of the season I'm in and appreciate those things that my married friends really do miss now that they've paired off. I'll have a semi-awkward first date and I'll stress about it, but my best friend (who's been married just over a year now) will confess to me that she misses the season I now find myself in... The whole getting-to-know-you, brand new phase of a relationship. She actually makes me feel lucky to still be single, while also looking forward to marriage. This transparency from my married friends, plus a listening ear in particularly discouraging times, are the two most helpful things in my season of singleness. While at one time I found myself pretty bitter over my single state, I'm now able to appreciate the freedoms I have in singleness that my married friends don't. Thank you for this article & speaking out on behalf of the "perfectly normal" single women! The church can be a particularly difficult place for us, but after reading this I'm encouraged that there are folks out there who esteem single women just the same as they do married women!

Sorry, Matthew, my comment about abuse should have been addressed to Phillip, not you. ---------- What this discussion thread is showing it the lack of leadership, vision, and direction among Christian singles leaders. Lifelong singleness is simply a reality now for people unwilling to compromise. It's been that way for African-American Christian women for decades and now it is extending to whites and the other ethnic groups. As marriage dies out, especially in low- and middle-income America, many Christians, both men and women are going to be face with the tough choices. We need better visionaries talking about following Christ -- with or without marriage.

I got married when I was 26 but, like most young girls, wanted to get married even when I was in high school. (I thank God for keeping me from that!) Even though 26 is relatively young, it felt like forever to me. I was very lonely for many years. I ached for the husband I knew was out there. But I was faithful to the Lord during that time, and I focused on Him even though it was very hard. I am now reaping the benefits of all the time I spent with the Lord during those single years. God has given me ministry opportunities and influence that I could never have handled if I had not learned how to pray, how to hear from the Lord, and how to be faithful during those years. I would like to encourage the singles that may read this comment that the Lord hears the cry of your heart. He won't withhold any good thing from you if you are walking uprightly. Seek Him with all your heart and He will fill the void in your emotions while you wait for just the right spouse at just the right time.