When Ironic Sexism Comes to Church
It's 2012, and things are different for women in the West. Women have had the right to vote for over 90 years. Women currently outnumber men in college, and more women than men now have master's degrees. An increasing number of CEOs are women—20 of the largest companies in America are led by female CEOs. And, as demonstrated by the latest political election, more women are being elected to public office.
But this historical evolution has resulted in a strange and concerning development, one I'll call "ironic sexism."
if you're a woman like me you have probably experienced ironic sexism. You may have even done it yourself. It goes something like this: You're hanging out at your house with friends, some of whom are men. You share your latest workplace frustration, which elicits the following response from a peer: "You just need to get married and have kids. A woman's place is in the home, after all." He says with a wink.
At face value, the comment is unconscionable. The remark not only fails to offer comfort, it is so dripping with sexism as to revolt. What kind of friend would say such a thing?
One who is saying it ironically.
You see, he doesn't actually mean it. He is speaking in jest because, as everyone there knows, he isn't actually sexist. He doesn't really believe a woman's place is "in the kitchen, barefoot and pregnant." And because everyone there is liberated and enlightened, such remarks are not only funny but also satirical.
The woman who feigns scriptural incompetence owing to her gender. The pastor who laughingly tells female church members they belong in the children's ministry. These comments, and those like them, are intended to mock genuine sexism.
In a recent piece for New York magazine titled "The Age of Hipster Sexism," Alissa Quart explores this phenomenon in popular culture. In it she refers to the ironic use of sexism as "hipster sexism," which "consists of the objectification of women but in a manner that uses mockery, quotation marks, and paradox …. [It] flatters us by letting us feel like we are beyond low-level, obvious humiliation of women and now we can enjoy snickering at it."
In her critique of hipster sexism, Quart rightly and wisely notes how much women themselves contribute to hipster sexism. Women are just as likely to engage in ironic sexism, as evidenced by Lena Dunham's HBO show, Girls, or Dunham's recent political ad in which she likens first-time voting to losing one's virginity. Quart writes of this ironic sexism, "We get to laugh at the idea of young women so obsessed with boys and sex that they mistake voting for sex and at the same time feel cool and outrfamp;copy; for being in on Dunham's double meaning."
Auditing America's Political Integrity
Stay Sexy or Else? Well, Please Forgive These Mommy Hips
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Yohanna Puric
Assume and then live as though we are all equal. It seems to work for me. Although I sometimes counter with ironic sexist remarks before I can stop myself:... 'if you find a MAN, let me know...men are GREAT breadwinners..' Sigh:-(
Nancy Lee
The cartoon meme published along with this post didn't strike me as particularly funny, precisely because it is still true for some branches of patriarchal Christianity. I know women who have been raised in isolated (many times self-isolating) patriarchal Christian communities that were/are very oppressive and abusive to women . . . and very much keep women out of higher education/entreprenurial enterprise because they teach that women's only Biblical roles are as wives and mothers. So, no, I don't think this kind of humor is very funny -- in the same way that I don't think jokes about Native American stereotypes are funny. There's just too much pain at the root of some things for it to be turned into humor.
Woody Weaver
This post deserves a place on the Stuff White People Like blog under the heading "being offended". Woody Weaver
Barbara Brooks
I suppose the author of this article would accuse Paul of "iconic sexism" for telling mothers to be "keepers at home." Today young children and the elderly are taken care of by strangers, usually people not paid a living wage. Wouldn't it be better if wives could stay home and do these jobs? As it is, the emphasis on college, college, college has led to young men who are not trained in useful skills and unable to support a wife, and young women do not have the domestic skills to run a household austerely. Look at the Mennonites: they don't go to college, yet their wives stay at home with the children, and their old people don't have to go to institutions.
Laura Droege
I really appreciated the article, Sharon. I'll add that we should be careful not to engage in "ironic sexism" against men, too.
Leonie Sa muelss
I am currently a seminary student and I was pretty amazed at the level of feminine discrimination that I have encountered her at for the past three and a half years;coming from all levels. I consider myself a very strong woman but issues here have really got me distracted from the real cause of being here which is to "study to show myself approved unto God. (2timothy 2 :15) My President recently advises us as ladies preparing for ministry as "Facing a very steep and slippery wall". I am happy for the challenge. I am prepared to deal with all the sexism that they have to offer. Fortunately for me, I was not exposed to this level of sexism in my local church. But bring it on like Paul I say " None of this shall move me".
Meggie
Kamilla writes, "Kelli, thank you for such a stellar example of How feminists hate motherhood and children." Kamilla, Kelli said nothing of the kind! She spoke in entirely positive terms about women's achievements and said absolutely nothing even remotely negative about motherhood or children. She certainly said nothing about "hating". Please try to be fair and don't let whatever experiences may have hurt you in the past cause you to stereotype women. My husband and I are both feminists. I've spent the last several years or so home schooling my five children. I LOVE motherhood and children. Prior to marriage, I had tremendous fun in my career and became a millionaire by my mid-20s. I say this not to brag, but to show that feminism is really about choices. I really loved my job too, especially as I was able to travel so much. Women now have the choice to enjoy many different lifestyles. Now that my children are growing up, my husband and I are looking at college and, gulp, college costs. I will very likely go back to work at some point -- NOT because I "hate motherhood and children", but because I love my children so much that I want to help them get a great education and get established in their own careers. My children have benefited all their lives from my career. It has paid for so much that has promoted them in life. Did you know that according to both the World Bank and the WHO, educating girls delivers a higher return in the developing world than any other investment? Infant and maternal mortality rates drop, health indicators improve, food security improves, small businesses start and flourish, and so on and so forth. From this it is clear that helping women achieve their potential shows love -- not hate -- for motherhood and children.
Meggie
What a wonderful article, Sharon Hodde MIller! I think there is sometimes a little passive aggression in the "ironic sexism", although it is no doubt intended at times in a genial spirit. I think the day will come when true equality is simply not note-worthy at all and women's achievements will be just as much accepted as men's.
KR Wordgazer
PS. I should probably add for clarification that I have from time to time engaged you, Kamilla, on other blogs when I didn't feel I could, in good conscience, refrain from speaking up about an attack you were making on someone else. In general, however, I have attempted to avoid engaging in conversations which turn combative so quickly as do my exchanges with you.
KR Wordgazer
Kamilla, if you like me, it's probably because though we disagree, I have not insulted or attacked you. If you ever want to have a genuine discussion, I'd advise you to reciprocate. As it is, I have no desire to converse with someone who treats others as you do, and I only do so when it can't be avoided with civility. The fact that we sometimes post on the same blogs should not be construed as any desire on my part to be your "follower" or anything else. So don't expect any e-mails from me.
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