Are Pregnant Women Who Have Birth Plans 'Selfish?'
It's okay to be disappointed with your birthing options. Chances are, if you're an American woman, you don't have many choices compared with, say, women in the UK or Germany. But you probably do have good reasons for wanting choices. And if you're dissatisfied, your dissatisfaction may well be the righteous kind.
Recently Nancy Wilson, the wife of Moscow, Idaho, pastor Douglas Wilson, suggested that birthing mothers who "fuss" about "doctors, about hospitals, about tubs or lack of tubs, about midwives or lack of midwives, about pain-killers, and monitors"
are guilty of taking the occasion of giving birth as "just one more opportunity to become a self-absorbed fusser."
There were several follow-up posts: another from Nancy stating that while birth plans are not necessarily wrong, women need to "hold it loosely" so as not to become "demanding prima donna(s)" and to be "brave," "cooperative," and "grateful." Nancy's daughter, Rebekah Merkle, stepped in to say that while birthing is "natural," it is also "cursed" as a result of sin, and that complaints about
" 'uncomfortable monitors' and 'this wasn't my birth plan' and 'sterile, medical atmosphere' and 'I didn't want a c-section' "
are inappropriate, simply because most North American women in the 21st century don't face the probability of dying in childbirth or shortly thereafter …
When Rebekah's sister Rachel Jankovic, author of Loving the Little Years, gave birth via "unplanned c-section" a few weeks later, their mother praised her "chirpy attitude" and "flexible birth plan," which was simply "to be grateful." Gratitude is admirable as far as it goes, but need a woman be grateful when she's pressured into treatments and protocols that were not truly medically indicated, as often happens?
The Femina bloggers are not the first to claim that women who, like me, advocate for "normal" or "physiologic" childbirth tend toward inordinate self-focus (or even that we are "selfish and reckless," as one UK writer put it). It's true that some modern women seem to forget the fact that birth is about more than her own experience of becoming a mother. However, there are reasons for choosing physiological birth that go beyond simple consumer preference.
There is no question that medical advances over the past 100 years have vastly improved maternal health outcomes. There is no question that c-sections save women's and babies' lives (5 to 15 percent of women will always need them—and they should have them!). There is no question that North American women have much to be grateful for in this area.
The Seminary Gender Gap
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Sandra
Some of these comments are absurd. I had 2 c-sections but with 2 babies over 10lbs who were not budging, I welcomed them. And am GRATEFUL for healthy children. Women today have way too many options and that's the problem. They become very demanding with a very diva like attitude. There are tons of people who would love to have a baby and cannot so be thankful however this baby is born.
Frederica Clemmons
What if these advances have advanced so far as to take a step in the wrong direction?
Madaline Conover
ecome self-focused when the same women beat themselves up with guilt when everything doesn't go according to plan.
erin a.
I think this article is great, Rachel. And, I have not made it through all the comments yet. But, I wanted to give a shout out to Esther Emery & Janet Knori for their excellent comments!
kv michelle
I understand the emotional response to the whole birth issue. I had 3 babies in 5 years and in hospital with midwife/doctor. They were healthy and happy babies. At no time did anyone do anything -mostly -without my consent. But.. babies come! Your body is designed to carry and birth that baby and it will do so with or without your cooperation. Having the baby is the first, tiny step of mothering and its a concern for me to hear that so many women are hung up on the birth process when our role is raise the child. You will survive, you will overcome the discomfort and pain and anxiety..and then you have a small human person to raise for 18 years at least. Childbirth does not always come easy but I am sad that so many women continue to focus on childbirth itself when raising the child is what will really take your heart and mind. Our bodies were designed to bear children. Take advantage of medical expertise and be informed but don't elevate this experience to one you "control"because you will need to trust those with you ...and the God who made you and the baby you carry. I am thankful I was not born 100 years ago..but amazingly enough babies were! They survived, though fortunately we do not have some of the medical challenges. Believe in your role as a mother and don't compete for some kind of outside validation.
Barefoot Hippie Girl
I really enjoyed this article. A friend tweeted me the link. On my blog today I wrote about home birth. I have had 4. My position is not that everyone should follow my example, but I do feel it is a safe alternative. Thank you for advocating being proactive. We don't have to sit back and be grateful. That is foolish nonsense. Really and truly. I also am horrified by the high c-section stats. And it is amazing that at the "poor" hospital in our city far more c-sections are performed that at the more upper crust hospital. Why?
Cara
Sorry if I was repetitive, not trying to lambast you with a flood of comments saying the same thing. I had failed to refresh the page and hadn't seen the several comments posted just before mine with some similar thoughts. I also know there were other similar ones much farther up but just hadn't seen you address those thoughts at all so it seemed they may not have made sense to you.
Cara
Rachel, The Femina girls wrote some helpful articles that did include the topic of birth plans but were really more about the state of a woman's heart in the birthing room/pool/OR/backseat. I came away with the message of gratitude and flexibility in the midst of L&D pain and potential circumstances that we can't always pretend/expect to control. You wrote an article on the state of birth culture in the US that challenged me strongly to study up and become more informed (as did Rachel Jankovic's comments on choosing doctors wisely) about my options, especially as I'm anticipating the birth of my third child in the winter and really haven't explored every option and statistic out there that I should. Thank you for that reminder and I would be very interested to read more from you on this topic as you seem passionate and informed. I think the 'misrepresentation' stems from the sense many of us readers (eg Jenn, Amanda, Michal Crum, Hannah above) seem to have that you threw your sisters in Christ under the bus to get a solid grabber for your article. As the resulting responses have shown, you may well have some disagreements with the Femina bloggers in the areas of gratitude and birth delegation. But I can't see that you actually disagree about birth plans as your title strongly implies. (Note to anyone who hasn't read Femina, they come out strongly positively towards making birth plans in the first place and do not call all women who make them "selfish" and "prima donnas"). They wrote to individual women's hearts, you responded as a natural birth advocate on a related but different topic. God bless, Cara
EllenH
"Debunking the belief that pregnant women should sit back and be grateful for whatever happens on the big day." So Rachel, the above statement (and following article) really makes it sound as though Nancy, Rebekah, and Rachel are advocating mindless thankfulness and no birth plans. The quotes you took out of context are damaging because they are out of context...and you as a writer probably know how things can then get out of hand and people misrepresented. Rachel J. has posted a response to your article that can be found On the Femina Girls blog that I would like to ask people on this site to take time to read. One of the things she says is this: "In the article, Rachel Stone says something about gratitude being fine, as far as it goes. I think that this is actually a really important part of our disagreement. I can speak on behalf of all three of us here that we would never (ever, under any circumstances) argue that there is no room for improvement in the world of birthing. Of course there is. What we differ on is how that change is going to occur..." You even posted on Femina to respond to Rachel, but after reading your comments, it seems that you don't feel you have misrepresented any of them. I would ask that you look at it again, and that readers would read everything to be fully informed before responding.
Kris
i am saddened, not angered, by this article...I feel you misunderstood the women that you featured. as fellow Christians i think we are given instructions in Matthew 18:15-17, to go to each other first with our disagreements and communicate about them before getting others involved. what would have happened if you had FIRST contacted these women to clarify their stand on this issue? i can tell you are passionate about this article Rachel, and God uses passion to do good things but please stop and reflect before you start to use that passion to tear others down.
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