True Love Obeys: Why We Abstain from Premarital Sex
Years back, when working on my memoir (of "reluctant chastity," yes), I spent an evening babysitting the daughter of some friends. After the baby had gone down, I picked up a volume of collected C. S. Lewis writings they had out, which included advice I've never forgotten. The gist was that it's all too easy to slip into preaching the gospel on the grounds that it's good for you rather than simply that it's true—a tendency that must be avoided. I wish I could remember the reasons he gave, but appropriately enough I only remember the truth itself: truth ultimately has to stand on its authority, not its efficacy.
The same holds with God. Although it certainly encourages me in the hard times to believe that God as my creator knows what's best and is therefore a trustworthy master, I ultimately must obey because he is my master, period. Accepting his terms of reconciliation meant I gave up the right to calling my life and body my own; they're his.
If you're squirming at some of my language here, I understand. We view terms like "master" and "obedience" rather dimly these days, imagining that they run counter to the exercise of our freedom, the ability to be spontaneous and authentic, and so on.
Well, I'll tell you what true spontaneity is. The other night I was feeling so confused and troubled I couldn't find the words to process my emotions. But when the line of a Chopin nocturne popped into my head, I recognized the source, went over to the piano in my living room, and flipped through my book of nocturnes until I found the song and started to sight-read through it.
I don't do this often, and to a careful ear it shows. But because I spent most of my second decade obeying the dictates of piano teachers, the metronome, and the long-dead composers who scored the works I practiced, I can still read the notes on a staff after ten years of idle fingers. And because I submitted myself to those masters, I had the freedom to sit down on a whim and spend an hour making deeply cathartic music.
Those masters took me beyond the self I was, enlarging and enriching my identity in the process. But that happened only because I chose to obey them. Had I refused, I would have been choosing to follow my own fickle whim and desire, the master of self, which constrains in its disregard for the long-term.
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Clara
My name is Clara and am from USA. I got married to my high school lover 12years ago, we have two lovely kids and we have been living in peace and harmony ever since. I noticed some unusual changes in him and I decided to asked him why the sudden changes and he told me that all is well, that I should not be disturbed. He started keeping secretes from me, and only to find that he was going out with my high school classmate, but he claimed that she forced herself into him. Things got worse that the kids and I packed out of the house because i noticed that he was not with his rightful senses, not thesame person I used to know. While I was away, I read about one Dr. Uhunoma, and I decided to contact him and i was told what to do, I did all I was told to do, to my greatest surprise, things came back to the way it use to be when we were still in school. Words alone cant tell how happy and grateful i am, so i decided to share my testimony with all those facing similar problem not to hesitate to contact him. You can email him at uhunomatemple@yahoo.com
Trinka
Lots of good thoughts here. I'm repeatedly brought back to face the fact that I'll probably never marry. And I MUST, because the Scripture says it's true, plant my flag on the hill that "God works all things together for the good of them that love Him." There are times that it's easier than others. And it's remarkably hard to find someone to encourage your faith in that area. Most people offer up (already explored) strategies to meet someone, or ideas to make yourself prettier (which ... not so helpful really).
Thalia Guenther
And they all tend to treat the wait as a sort of spiritual penance that one barters to God in exchange for a desired outcome.
Tim
Good point Ashleigh (September 30, 2012 2:24 PM). James certainly agrees with you! (James 1:27.) Tim
Ashleigh
The evangelical disdain for "religion" in favor of "relationship" is something the first Christians would not have even understood. Christianity is a religion, and that doesn't make it any less true, valid, or meaningful. Please stop resisting that fact, people.
Bob
A well-made point we've needed to hear in the church. On a side note, however, does the same reasoning apply to Christians uttering expletives?
Tim
GeeCee (September 24, 2012 4:03 PM) - maybe I missed it, but I don't see something hinting at leaglism in Anna's article. Can you quote a part that "comes across as a bit legalistic"? Thanks, Tim
GeeCee
While I don't condone sex before marriage, your viewpoint comes across a bit legalistic. While I agree with you if you point, please do not let your abstinence get in the way of beginning a meaningful relationship. I know of more than a few women who are "waiting for God to bring them a man" who are absolutely miserable. And because of that misery, they are unknowingly separating themselves from the possibility of finding a good partner through their resentment and bitterness of having to wait. They love God, but they can't understand that their legalism has soured them to the point that they are unfit to be married, saved or not. Please remember that there is a component of grace that's involved in all aspects of Christian living, including when and how we meet our life partners.
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