The Generation Gap Among Christian Women
What I hear the younger generation asking for is us to admit to the suffering in our lives. Are we living transparently about the emotional pain we actually feel? Even to ourselves? What draws a younger woman closer to us is when she can connect her own doubts and struggles with our honest talk. Even though Christian women are blogging online with more authenticity, these younger women long for face-to-face contact, or as Kinnaman calls it, "skin time."
So what would it look like for us as women in the older generations to mentor or disciple a younger woman in the Christian faith?
Listen with Wonder
It helps us to not generalize the younger generation. We live in the same culture, evil as it may be, as the younger women. As we listen to them, it gives us a moment to reflect on how we live out our Christian faith as women living in this culture – the culture Kinnaman calls Babylon – the place where Daniel and Esther were famous and where many Jewish people enjoyed wild success as business owners. When the younger women listen to us, our transparency ignites a sense of wonder – a sense of astonishment at the lively inner life feelings matching their own. It's not a sense of "now I know your weakness," rather it's a sense of understanding.
Create a Safe Place
We can offer our time and create safe place for conversation with younger women. The idea of sharing in a small group is popular in church and Bible studies, but they are not always the best venues. Safe to us is not what is safe to them. It's not enough to see them in church and ask them how their family is doing. In a church setting, this age group tends to feel ignored. Meeting one-on-one with the intention of transparent talk feels like spiritual life to them, though it can take a lot of time and commitment for that to happen. We need to sacrifice our desire for the younger generation of women to be just like us. They are not like us. Their spiritual lives grow differently. One reason is they are more likely to see themselves as leaders than we do. There's a confidence about the younger generation of women in which we need preparation.
Live without Misleading
In the Barna survey, there's an interesting twist. Although 47 percent of young women do not see themselves as deeply spiritual, they still consider themselves leaders. They are more likely than us, their mothers and their grandmothers, to take on these leadership roles.
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Pam Lau
Brenda, It's never too late to comment on this discussion: we're just beginning. Your freeing experiences at church are beautiful - and ones I want for other women. How good to know churches like this do indeed exist. But the truth is, many women do not have the privilege of flourishing in a church where the whole of Scripture is being lived out. How often does a church staff discuss the issue of egalitarianism vs a complementarianism view among its congregants? Who are the gatekeepers in our Christian communities who will courageously place this issue on their agendas? A few weeks ago, I was speaking at a conference when a younger woman spoke with me privately. She wanted to make me aware that moments before I spoke on the biblical story of Abigail, I said, "You probably already know this familiar story of Abigail . . ." She then told me, "Pam, I hadn't heard of most stories you pointed to this weekend." We need environments to re-tell the whole of Scripture.
Kit Tosello
I'm 51, and this piece was God-timed, as I've sensed an expanding relational canyon between me and younger Christian women. Lately I've ventured way out of my comfort zone to help in the church nursery. Knowing names/personalities of their precious babes is helping provide a connection point. Beyond that, we'll see how God leads me to avail myself. I'm a bit disappointed in all the philosophizing this topic inspired. Seems to underscore the point of it: we're allowing an us-and-them mentality to develop. I agree with some of the younger women who see ladies at my age as too busy/too selfish to offer a hand up. Sadly, I've no doubt come across that way myself. I admit, it's partly out of fear--out of the intimidation Pam refers to. For now, I feel less comfortable focusing on providing spiritual instruction than on first being better positioned to offer encouragement. I'm wondering if mentoring relationships aren't best developed organically, beginning with a simple heart connect.
audrey ruth
I agree that the gap may be not only generational but theological/spiritual. At least twice in His Word, the Lord speaks of a generation not in the sense of a group of people all born within a certain number of years, but in the sense of their view of God, and how that affects their worldview (ref. Proverbs 30 and Acts 2). We are seeing this today borne out not only in individual churches, but also in entire denominations. Some have continued in Biblical faith, while some are wavering, and some have even departed into full-blown apostasy. Christ Jesus prophesied all this would happen, and the apostles echoed His warnings.
BRENDA B COLIJN
Pam, it may be too late to contribute to this discussion, but there's an issue no one has mentioned yet. In congregations where women experience a major generation gap, what is the attitude toward women in leadership? Your statements about leadership and comments from younger women that they don't want to be taught about makeup and raising children suggests that the gap may be not only generational but theological. Young women who are already leaders may find it difficult to connect with older women who believe that women should be subordinate to men, and churches that teach subordination may not be the most helpful environment for the growth of these young women. I'm a professional woman well over 40 in an egalitarian evangelical church, and I'm blessed to have strong relationships with some of the younger women in our congregation.
Pam Lau
Julie W - Your comments help this conversation move in a good direction. What is it exactly that women in the older generation are doing/saying/acting that send the "I'm too busy" message? Can you comment on the "visible self-centeredness?" Thanks for engaging in this discussion!
Jim Ricker
Janet W, Rabbi might be a better term since it speaks more to the lifestyle issue you are concerned about (and should be concerned about). Choosing wisely is godly advice for sure.
JOANN JERNIGAN
Wow, what a great discussion! I believe, where we can all fall short, younger or older, is where we have bought into the ideals of the culture, rather than being genuine followers of Christ. Do we want to please and impress man first or do we FIRST seek the Kingdom and LIVE what Christ teaches? LOVE is the key ingredient ~ drop our agenda and reach out in love to other women. His love IS shed abroad in our hearts!
audrey ruth
Although I am not so young anymore, I still feel the need for wise guidance and prayer from older Godly women who really know the Word of God (both written and Living), who are humble, gentle, and gracious, speaking the truth in love, women who truly care about me as a person because the One who died for me and ever intercedes for me fills and directs their lives. Unfortunately, the world tells us that, regardless of age, we should be proud and 'self'-confident (though the Lord tells us just the opposite.) This is the message that girls now absorb into their spirits from a very young age, and it can be very difficult for them to humble themselves and admit they don't know it all, don't have it all together, but really do need insight and wisdom from women who've lived much longer than they, in the fear (reverence, worship) of God.
Yohanna Puric
Perhaps let's 'disciple/mentor' others by praying for them meaningfully first. To do so, we have to 'know' them and from knowing them, we can better relate with them. And the motivation to do this should be because we love the Lord and His love constrains us to do it. I find it 'exhausting' to relate to others because I much prefer my own company but because the Lord has commanded we disciple others, I have to trust that He'll keep providing the wisdom, empathy and insight to do so.
JANET W
So if the younger generation is to humbly sit at the knee of a member of the older generation, I'd suggest that they think carefully about who they choose as their "sensai" -- Which puts the onus on the older generation to live and conduct themselves in such a way that someone would choose to substantially learn from them as "grasshopper". Being older doesn't necessarily mean that one is spiritually mature.
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