God Didn't Make Our Bodies Only for Sex
Intentional or not, these communal habits subtly suggest that God doesn't really need our whole bodies, except to make new humans. Yet how strikingly different was Jesus' approach to his own and others' embodiment! He constantly enjoyed the sensual feast of dinner parties, showed immense concern for disease and physical ailment, and frequently touched the people he healed though proximity wasn't a requirement for miracles.
Chastity for Jesus was richly and fully embodied. Shouldn't ours be too? Last time I discussed how singleness uniquely frees us to pursue relationships, but I also want to suggest some ways it frees us to use our bodies nonsexually. I hope these two pieces help kick off some larger, longer, more in-depth conversations we as the church need to have about what the season of singleness is for, instead of just what it restricts.
Patronize the arts. Singleness brings a fair degree of financial autonomy. Thus, I've invested a good deal in CDs and mp3s, concert tickets and support of the non-profit radio stations whose blues programs I so enjoy. A lot of that has been predicated on my own enjoyment, but more and more I do things like order my music from the amazing if often behind-the-times record store near my house, or buy CDs I don't always like because I believe in the musicians who recorded them, and want those artists to keep on creating.
In a brutally pragmatic culture like ours, the arts can seem more "nice to have" than essential, especially in difficult economic times. Yet, certain arts engage our senses in ways that draw out our humanity as nothing else can. The longer I live, the more convinced I am that the arts play a vital role in helping us become all that God created us to be, in helping us be fully human. And when you patronize the arts, you are not only living more wholly yourself, but also helping to sustain artists so they can help many people become more fully human.
Explore all five senses. Sex is probably one of the most completely embodied acts a person can undertake, insofar as it engages all the senses. But I wonder sometimes if that doesn't result in a somewhat superficial sensuality. To use a possibly very flawed example, imagine a special engine with five spark plugs. When the starter fires and power is equally distributed to all five spark plugs, the engine roars to a start with enough strength to move a car. I doubt many people have watched that happen with conventional engines and wondered how each individual spark plug would function when isolated and given full power. But let's say someone tried that experiment with this engine, and it turned out the first spark plug could play "Taps," the second grilled a sandwich, the third sang "Hallelujah," the fourth blew a lavender-smelling steam that freshened your breath when inhaled and the fifth used the sun to bleach all the stains on your shirt. Who's to say our bodies aren't a bit like that engine?
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Indian motorcycle
Early 40s, never married Christian woman myself, and I did not have sex. I have given up on the idea of waiting until marriage to have sex. Most churches and most material for Christian singles does not acknowledge older Christian celibates, and if and when they do on those rare occasions admit we exist, we have been treated like odd balls or failures for abstaining and not getting married, causing me to wonder why so many Christians bother telling teen age and early 20-something Christians to wait until marriage, since they cannot or will not support Christians who are still virgins at age 40 or older. Many Christian women over the age of 35 today did not choose to be single this long and don't know why we never married. But some Christian authors and personalities keep assuming we are to blame for being single or that we chose singleness. We're over 35 years old, still single, we're celibate, and get no help from the Christian culture.
tiger sampson
Well, I applaud you on being young and abstaining from sex. Very hard to do. I am a widower and I really miss the fulfillment of physical affection through sex in marriage that brings closeness, intimacy and a sense of security. I could travel the world a hundred times, have more money than I could every spend and nothing could replace the physical, sexual intimacy marriage brings when you are with the right partner. I really don't want to be judgmental but my initial reaction to your column was that you should pull back on the traveling and maybe focus more on the Christian singles dating scene to see if it is God who is really holding you back from finding a partner.
Kathi Vande Guchte
Singles assume the married couples are having lots of sex, everyday, all day and it's fabulous. Married couples assume singles are traveling, spending money, and having all this freedom. Both sides are incorrect and would be disappointed, or eventually bored with the life and realize they'd romanticized the other side of the fence.
Kevin Calegari
Good insight. However since one doesn't need a sexual partner to have sex, I would imaging in a sex filled society pornography and Masterbation would come into play, or at least present itself as a temptation. The key is self control a strong spiritual connection to God and constant prayer especially in temptations. Without God's grace chastity is impossible. God bless!
Wendy Willmore
Preach it, Anna!
Jim Ricker
God tells us through the Apostle Paul that celibacy is a gift that allows us to be able to serve with no split allegiances. Does that mean only a single celibate person can serve God well? Of course not but we do know that God's word is true so celibacy can be the greatest gift.
Bethany Harvey
This was an interesting article and I agree, we were made for more than sex. However, just because a person has had sex, doesn't mean they don't engage in life any less than an individual practicing chastity. Or that they are all hedonistically indulging in selfish depravity. Anyone can practice what you've outlined in your article, and I think everyone should do so, whether they be married or single. I find it dangerous to say one Christian may have an advantage in his or her state of growth in Christ over another merely based on a vow of chastity. While I do believe living in sin limits growth and the blessings God longs to give us, I hesitate to proclaim that someone's blessings and growth are based on the fact that they are single and chaste. Sexual activity isn't a measurement for growth and blessings--its all a matter of the heart. Embracing where God has you, whatever state you are in--single, married, widowed, divorced--and choosing to honor Him in all we do. Just my thoughts.
Jim Nelson
Great topic. Great thought. I live in China, and I told a single Chinese sister who just turned 30 that she could not be more valuable than she is now. She, as a single, has time to mentor the teenage daughter of a family deeply in need or her influence. She cooks and buys for us. She reaches out to her co-workers both men and women and prays for each. She spreads love all around our church by her smile and life and energy. I pray she finds a man to marry, but the whole church will be harmed if she marries. Many people she blesses and even transforms now will lose her influence as her focus on a husband and perhaos children takes her away from all of us. I would hate to think that she feels her life is less valuable than the 30 something woman who has a boy on her knee and little time for the rest of us. I pray that she and others would know that just as Paul lived a valuable life without marraige, so can they if they accept that path they have today.
Michael Constantine
Can a guy say a word? I love your article and the insights that you bring to it through your personal journey. My wife and I mentor and counsel quite a few single young women here in Kuala Lumpur. Your article is fresh air in a day of stale self-centered hedonism. Thanks.
Gina Dalfonzo
Such a great post, Anna! I love it!
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