While our mothers and grandmothers burned bras and flooded the workforce, we chose a different life. We refused to pick between holding a job and raising our kids at home. We're doing both.
My story is like many other stay-at-home moms'. I was very career-focused in high school and college, then I got married and had kids, and that changed. I didn't want to leave them in daycare so I could work a 9-to-5.
At home, though, I became bored, restless, and unhappy. Many women who have been there share my frustration. We want to "have it all" as they say, and by many standards, today's families who blend work and family are making that happen.
Before factories and cities, there were no lines between work and family life, explains Anne Bogel, who traces the history of work in her popular ebook Work Shift. People worked where they lived, and everyone—even the kids—pitched in. Then came the Industrial Revolution, and more people left home to go to work. In the postwar years, gender roles became more defined: men went to work, and women stayed home.
Feminism in the 20th century introduced more and more women into the workforce, leading to the female CEOs and industry leaders of today. They are great role models, and many are making a lasting difference in our world. Still, many children raised by feminists didn't want to sacrifice their family for work. They pushed for a better balance.
Women began to choose home-life, and their spouses didn't want to miss out either. Now, with the rise of technology, both men and women find themselves building a more modern version of the pre-industrial economy, where work and family blend.
These busy moms are building all kinds of careers for themselves: blogging, writing, photography, baking, sales, and consulting to name a few. They are selling products, working flex or part-time, and focusing the time they need to on their young kids. In many cases fathers are also finding more flexible working arrangements, putting them at home more often than ever before. Some researchers predict that the number of Americans working from home, at least part-time, could double by 2016.
My friends Ashleigh and Paul are great examples of this. She runs a photography business, producing beautiful pictures of families and kids in our city. He is a pharmacist at a large corporate pharmacy. He goes into the office a few days a week, but spends most of his working time on-call to handle any problems patients have with medicines. He can be on-call almost anywhere, which gives him a lot of freedom in how he manages his time. They take turns parenting and working, managing their schedules so that all responsibilities are taken care of.
Families like my friends' aren't starting million dollar tech companies (at least not intentionally). They won't be on the cover of Forbes or Fast Company any time soon. But they are creating their own choices, earning a good income, and raising their own children. Those truly bucking the system are even homeschooling, a growing trend that could cause all manner of new shifts in the next generation.
When I begin to rant about the work or school environment, people tend to reply, "Well, that's just the system." My answer—echoed by the women across the country who are redefining work-from-home—is, "It's time to change the system."
The great thing about these new workers is that they don't just trace their roots through modern history. The Proverbs 31 woman—that ultimate analogy—is a biblical example of blending work and family. She is often used in the argument that all women should stay home with their children. However, that interpretation misses so much of the story. She cares for her home and children, but she also "considers a field and buys it…She sees that her trading is profitable." She brings food into her home from far away, works from dawn until dusk, and cares for the sick and needy who come her way.
She looks a lot like the work-from-home mothers of today.
As this generation continues to innovate the way work and family combine, they continue to create more choices for themselves and others. And that is truly women's liberation.
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Comments
Pamela Mathews
I'm a freelancer who has worked part-time in pretty much every possible arrangement (including longer term office-based projects) since I had kids. 2 thoughts: 1) Building on Tim's comment: the Proverbs 31 ideal in this context is interesting but needs to be more fully explored. The traditional model of having parents working in home-based careers can reduce stress. However, we are no longer an agriculturally-based society, sending our goods off to market. Many careers still need to largely happen out of the house (teachers, doctors, factory jobs, etc.) 2) As per the photo: The reality is that when women or men work at home, they need time and space to work. Working at home does make the demands of young children and housework go away. That can produce a lot of stress for the at-home parent. Remember the Proverbs 31 woman had "maidens" (servant girls)!
JANET W
I also think it's perfectly acceptable for both parents to work outside the home; just because that's what they feel is best for them and their family. When we idealize one form of work-home structure, it sets up tension for those who fall outside of that structure. I wouldn't have wanted to "work from home" while trying to raise my children. That seems like a nightmare to me. But, I realize that for others, that kind of set up is something they'd actively seek. To each their own. I've always felt perfectly comfortable with my choice to work full-time throughout my adulthood - including when my children were young. I suspect that I felt no real difference than what most men feel when they go off to work each day.
Anne-Marie Anderson
Great article. Before I got married, I was in high profile jobs. After marriage, I left my position as a college professor to stay home and work with my husband's company. I have to admit that this was very hard for me. At the time, part of my identity was linked to my work. I now have three children ages 3, 4 and 7. Over the years, I have worked from home for my husband's company and also done a variety of legitimate home based work all around my husband and childrens's schedules. It's been wonderful. I still work very part time from home for my husband's company and have my kids at home. About a year ago, God lead me to another calling, blogging for a purpose. I started a christian oriented website to help others, especially single moms, obtain legitimate, fee free, scam free work from home. If a woman puts her family first, there is a way to have it all. Anne-Marie Anderson
Tim Fall
Monica, I'm glad you wrote on how the historic model is so different from what we've seen in America the past couple of generations. I think going back to Proverbs 31 can be helpful in that discussion. One thing we should keep in mind too is that the Proverbs 31 woman never existed. That chapter is not biographical, but aspirational. And I think it is meant as a model for men as much as for women. If you look at the book of Proverbs, the opening chapters personify wisdom as a woman. Chapter 31 is positioned as a bookend, describing what Wisdom looks like in application. Proverbs 31 is not about how women should behave. Proverbs 31 is about how God's people - men and women - should live wisely. Cheers, Tim (timfall.wordpress.com)
Hannah Anderson
Thanks so much for bringing the Proverbs 31 woman to this discussion. I've felt lately like she's gotten short shrift in our discussions about womanhood, and while we don't look to her to judge ourselves as inferior, she is a fantastic example of fully-formed womanhood--of fully-formed personhood. No threat there, just inspiration.
Kelly Youngblood
This is timely. A few of us were having a conversation on Twitter a few weeks ago about choosing traditional roles for women (like being SAHMs) and yet being feminists. This article fits in nicely with that topic. I'm going to go link to it in the post I wrote for a blog linkup.
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