Married people commit sexual sin (many Christian married couples admit to having affairs, using prostitutes, or looking at dirty photos on the internet), but married couples almost never get "sexual purity" lectures. I'm in my early 40s and still haven't had sex yet, because I've never married, yet most preachers assume all Christian singles my age have had sex (or are having sex), so we get hit with the "purity" sermons. It's annoying and condescending.

If there are singles who want to share a house - that's great, but we don't need to go to such lengths. I also really dislike church singles' groups because most churches have no idea how to do a singles' group. Until the Body understands singles - of all ages, they shouldn't attempt the singles' group, but instead just have people from all stages of life and gender together and be a family. How many people who are married and have posted comments about this article really even know the singles in your home church. Most people don't reach out to individuals... I don't know is it fear of why that person's alone to begin with? If someone else isn't with them, then there's probably something... So many singles are left in solitude. People who come to church with at least one other person are generally approached and people behave interested in the unfamiliar people. It's really quite sad the problem seems the worst within smaller churches.

Amen Anna. Thank-you for your writing. I would agree that there is great blessing in living in community as a single. As a 37 year old never married woman, I have lived both alone and in community, and find the former a much less healthy place. I also agree that singles ministry is largely neglected by the church. This is very unfortunate as we are a large and often poorly tapped resource for the church. I would advocate more churches cooperating to form communities where singles (and others?) can live, pray and minister together. This also frees up more resources to be used in ministry as anyone can tell you it is expensive to live alone. I know, this is monasticism without the vows. I can't tell you how many times I've seriously thought about becoming Catholic just so I could join a convent (I have resisted so far because of a few doctrinal issues and a reasonably mobile lifestyle.) Someone needs to start more ministries like this.

Negatives are never a solution because a solution is always a positive. God doesn't say "STOP!" like Dr. Phil, He provides the way to be made BETTER than before which is being overfilled, not having something taken away. Taking away something is not the answer, it is the filling of the void already there that satisfies the soul. Repeating "don't eat the cake" over and over is not the answer.

I' love that you've encouraged singles to join community. I hope marrieds and families also reach out to invite singles into community - be it in your apartment building/neighborhood, or church. I'm 47 and haven't been married yet. As a single, I left my home church at about 28 because I wasn't married and didn't have children, and I felt outside of that community. Women of my church got together, yet excluded me because I was single, yet we'd grown up together and had known each other since nursery. Singles, an area where we can really serve is marriage and family. It is expensive to go on a date these days. Offer to come sit after the children are tucked bed and the parents can have a couple hours alone. Also, pray for marriages and families - they are under severe attack.

I was not engaged until I was 28, and though I wanted to be married, being single after college and during law school gave me significant opportunities to engage in ministry with high school and college students that I would not have been available for had I been married. Being single is not to be a period of sitting on a shelf, waiting for God to bring Mr. or Mrs. right into your life. By engaging in whatever ministry God has called you into while you are single, you will advance the Kingdom, and that ministry may (or may not) be the means God uses to introduce your to your future spouse.

Great line here, Anna: "But the race is run looking forward - no matter how badly you ran the last mile." That's a good observation for the married as well as the single people in the church. On remaining single and developing friendships with people of all ages, my Dad is an example of another way that can happen. My Mom died when Dad was only 50. He never remarried, but at the age of 89 he can point to tons of rich friendships with men and women of al ages over the past four decades. Cheers, Tim (timfall.wordpress.com)

I totally agree that we need to have a shift in the conversation towards singles. Besides the whole "Don't" conversation, the church is also guilty of upholding marriage as if it's the pinnacle of everyone's life. Instead of saying, "WHEN you get married," we should be saying, "If," and also emphasizing the ways God can use us when we are single. And hey, as a side note: you won't necessarily have to give up communal living if you get married. My husband and I lived in community with other families for the first 2 1/2 years of our marriage. :) evenonesparrow.blogspot.com

It is refreshing to have a single lady explore the advantages of singleness in a positive way that is wider than simply romantic relationship fixation. This brings about a Christian and Biblical balance. Balance is the key word. Because of the sinful nature of humanity, the temptations to immorality are so strong for most singles that negative prohibitions must be clearly in place, along with the positive angel which Anna emphasises. The OT and the NT are strong in their negative sexual prohibitions simply because the flesh is strong in its urging of sexual indulgence. Our modern hedonist culture needs the Christian message of self-control and abstinence outside of marriage simply because it is so rare in our permissive culture. But, yes, let's also portray the positives which Anna commends.