We should strive to be perfect even as God is perfect. Justification of sin by saying it's an impossible standard to meet is going to be used as further rationalization for having sexual histories prior to marriage.

@ Rachel Simko said, "postmodern-tendency for people... to insist that the Bible "doesn't explicitly say sex outside marriage is a sin." || Thank you for mentioning that, I've seen that too time again by Non Christians and more theologically liberal Christians on blogs. They like to pretend that the Bible does not condemn sex outside of marriage, and they really dislike the word "fornication." I think this phenomenon is an over-reaction to the patriarchy guys and the extreme sexism and double standards in much of conservative Christianity, which I don't like either. But just because some self professing male Christians teach obnoxious things about females and sexuality and cling to double standards doesn't mean women should then run around claiming the Bible has lax, to no, standards about sexual behavior for males and females.

@ Anne Acker. I am a 40+ year old female Christian virgin, but sadly, it's not just secular culture who mock and make fun of older virgins, it happens among Christians too, and they make insulting assumptions, such as you must be homosexual, even though you are not. BTW, married people engage in sexual sin - a staggering number of married Christian men have admitted to being addicted to dirty magazines and web sites, and some Christian married women have confessed to they do as well. Some married Christians have affairs and see prostitutes as well, but preachers never offer sexual purity sermons to the married couples, only the singles - the rest of the time they ignore singles. It's condescending and hypocritical.

Hmm, it's articles such as this one - decrying the tendency of some churches to make virginity into a "holy grail" and that have an emphasis on "sexual purity"- to make me wonder why I bother remaining a virgin at 40+ years of age? (I've never married and was waiting for marriage to have sex.) I actually see the opposite in Christian culture these days: an over-emphasis on the thinking, "we expect you will have sex outside of marriage, nobody can remain a virgin past age 30, so when you do have sex outside of marriage, and we know you will, that's perfectly fine, because God is happy to forgive sexual sin." I see no reason to remain celibate, considering both those views. Nobody, certainly not Christians, respects or expects Christians to remain virgins into their 40s and older, or respect those who have accomplished it.

I found the point of this article wandered a bit for me. The majority of the piece is about the church making virginity an idol, which I agree is not a good thing. The author concludes, however, by talking about the regret she feels from the way she lost her virginity and not wanting her daughter to experience that. Maybe this is why many churches seem to make a big deal about virginity, because often people do have regret over becoming sexually active prior to marriage. This should be an important part of ministry to middle and high school students who are living in a culture of sexual promiscuity. I am part of a church that barely mentions virginity or chastity, and I feel it does a disservice for mature Christians to avoid the issue, to those young people who are making those choices. They should know what God's word says about sex and God's plan for it within a marriage relationship, whether men and women are virgins or not.

Pat, Is there a passage about pre-marital sex in the Bible where it is considered a good thing? On what basis would we say then that it is "not cut and dry?" Mar komus: The church may prize virginity, but pop culture promulgates something I call The Myth of the Forty-Year-Old Virgin. It's the stereotype of virgins as losers, rejects and nerds who can't get a date. I know because I bought into the put-down and let the enemy shame me for making good choices. Maybe that's not what you meant by "not marriage material," but don't let the enemy jerk your chain. Just because you were called to singleness doesn't mean you wouldn't have been a great spouse for someone. The problem is that the world puts sex and sexuality on such a pedestal that it is sometimes hard for Christians to spot the lie that sex is the most important thing in the world. It is not, nor are we merely the sum of our biology. I get to be about so much more than my sexuality regardless of my choices.

Thanks for this piece--you successfully navigated the extremes of idolizing virginity and minimizing sexual purity. Because really, the focus shouldn't be on our specific sexual history at all but on Christ and His grace. A true understanding of the Gospel will never minimize sin OR make it greater than redemption. Great work!

Unfortunately, I see the church going in two opposite directions on this issue: one is idolatry of virginity, which you addressed here; the other direction is the postmodern-tendency for people (especially, I've found, in my generation) to insist that the Bible "doesn't explicitly say sex outside marriage is a sin." Both are dangerous and sad, and tell a different story than the Gospel. (evenonesparrow.blogspot.com)

40th year of life. Single, never married. Virgin. Bad example, though, because I'm not "marriage material"

As we are all equal before God, the emphasis on female virginity seems to me to be some what out of step with that teaching. I find it interesting that during Victorians times in London, and similar periods in the USA, the number of prostitutes increased dramatically. Time to drop such gender based ideas and get real. Sexuality is a major driver in humans, funny about that, we would not exist with out it, so good open discussion and teaching about the role of sex both the mechanics and much more, the role of, in our relationships is needed. Consider the relative numbers of teenage pregnancies/abortions in Holland cf the USA, perhaps 10% of the other. Time to toss out any residual ideas that sex is only for procreation and that it is dirty etc. Yet also maintain the teaching re fornication as the consequences are as outlined above, make loyal marriages / good child rearing much more difficult.