Speaking as one who wasted 20 adult years diddling around in anxiety and fear, I'd love to say that these days my refusal lands confident as a cat. However, I am not a third-degree blackbelt like the author of Smile at Strangers. She likes to throw a brisk punch to the head; I waffle about hurting someone's feelings. How I would love to issue the necessary syllable from the rocking-chair of calm! But until I can, I'll say it vexed. I'll say it afraid. I'll say it to the guy with the gun, the line, the beer. I'll say it to the well-meaning friend. My no is my yes to God.
Rhoda Janzen is the New York Times No. 1 bestselling author of Mennonite in a Little Black Dress (Henry Holt, 2009). Mennonite was a finalist for the 2010 James Thurber Award for Humor, and in 2012 a finalist for the Lily Fellows Arlin G. Meyer Prize for Imaginative Writing. Janzen's new memoir, Does This Church Make Me Look Fat? (Grand Central, 2012) is a finalist for the 2013 Books for a Better Life Award in the category of Spiritual Writing. Janzen teaches English and creative writing at Hope College in Holland, Michigan. To learn more about Rhoda Janzen, please visit rhodajanzen.com.
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Comments
Cicely Duke
@ Jack Ratekin - Compare the percentage of fatherless boys in Canada vs. the U.S. and you may be on to the correct conclusion regarding the cause of criminality.
Jim Ricker
Over 50% of those who caused auto accidents in the Western world play race car games. Conclusions?... Correlation is a far cry from causation.
Heather Munn
No kidding, K. Smith! Apparently correlation is causation? Also, good article.
K. Smith
Jack Ratekin - I think we need a lot more facts before we can link Christianity with the level of violence in the US.
Julia W.
This article made me laugh out loud--really great. I completely understand the anxiety the author discusses. Really good read!
Tim Fall
"... to issue the necessary syllable from the rocking-chair of calm." That is a worthy goal, Rhoda, and one that truly does open ourselves up to saying yes to God. It's a skill Jesus demonstrated as well (Mark 1:35-39), so developing it seems to me to be part of conforming to the likeness of Christ. Cheers, Tim ( timfall.wordpress.com )
Andrea Giesbrecht
Yeah, this is familiar! You know what's helped me? Knowing that if someone is upset by my answer, that it's not my problem. It isn't! Yes, I can be sad that they're upset, but if my "no" is reasonable (99% of the time, saying "no" *is* reasonable!), how they react to that "no" is their problem, their issue, their fault, not mine! It is not up to me to save the world. It is not up to me to do everything. That's God's business, not mine. If He tells me to do something, then I should do it. If it isn't Him telling me, then I have every right to say "no". I do not bear responsibility for anybody else's happiness or wellbeing. I can help, yes - but should I help? Depends. (BTW, I read your book. I'm Mennonite myself, by culture, so of course I had to pick it up! It gave me plenty to think about.)
Jack Ratekin
Here's an interesting fact: Canada is the 4th most peaceful country in the world, While the U.S. ranks in the bottom half. The United States has almost twice as many Christian churches per capita as Canada. Conclusions?.....
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