The False Intimacy of Dating in the Digital Age: Why I stopped Google stalking my suitors.

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The False Intimacy of Dating in the Digital Age

Jan 21 2013

Why I stopped Google stalking my suitors.

All that's part of someone's character, integrity, mettle. And in the long run, such qualities matter far more than what they've got listed on a social media profile, or even how well you banter. While common ground might help you plan dates, who you are trumps what you like in any real conflict, setback, or hard decision.

That's why I don't Google stalk suitors. (The irony, of course, is that most men could easily research me, provided they have a few facts in hand. I always try to discourage this.)

Most sources in The New York Times artile lamented the crudeness of modern courtship as transacted in the digital age — and understandably so. Yet, all these devices we finger like glowing rosaries haven't just altered many social norms, they've also privileged certain kinds of knowledge and certain ways of learning about the world. That probably helps distort our expectations of each other.

Life cannot be downloaded. It doesn't yield its mysteries just because you were first in line or used the right search term. I'm starting to learn that's part of the fun.

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Related Topics:Blogging; Dating; Internet; Intimacy; Social Networking

From: January 2013

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Barbara Langevin Schieding

January 24, 2013 7:01pm

Scripture tells us to be 'wise as serpents & harmless as doves'. There is a different perspective on this. Online, anyone can present themselves in whatever manner they please irregardless if it is true or not. On a Christian dating site, I was contacted by someone who had a great online profile & we started writing back & forth. I googled his name & location & there really was someone with that name in that town & also in that church. So I started asking him questions - did he live near the lake, etc. His response didn't match up with what I found online. So I called the phone number I found online. End result was that the Christian dating site info was phony. Unfortunately for the person on the dating site, he 'stole' an attorney's info! The attorney very appreciative of my call & he took legal action against the imposter.

Rachel Stephan Simko

January 22, 2013 11:26am

(Sidenote: the movie "Catfish" really disturbed me in some way, but not in the way the previews made it seem. The previews misrepresented the movie, and the reality was just... bizarre in a very creepy way. But anyways...) You know what else bothers me about intimacy in the digital age? If you date someone, you'll be FB friends with them, and then when you break up, you are still FB friends with them unless someone is willing to take that uncomfortable step first. I recently "unfriended" an ex b/c the reality is, I don't WANT to know what's going on with him and he, I'm sure, doesn't WANT to know what's going on with me. I have no ill will, but I just longed for the days when your exes sort of just fade into the background of your memory. I think that's healthier than inadvertently stalking them on the internet and having their memory lodged in your brain and heart. (evenonesparrow.blogspot.com)

Tim Fall

January 21, 2013 9:57am

Nice encouragement to take the slow train when it comes to building relationships, Anna. In past centuries, all that information came from mutual friends or, going back further, from the matchmaker., and in all times it has been available by gossip. Google as yenta? Perhaps so. Cheers, Tim (timfall.wordpress.com)