Jump directly to the content
Let Boys be Boys: Play-Fighting May Actually Be Good for Kids

Let Boys be Boys: Play-Fighting May Actually Be Good for Kids


Jan 18 2013
Differentiating between reality and the pretend violence of playtime

Early this month, a six-year-old in Silver Spring, Maryland, was suspended from school after he pointed his finger like a gun and said, "pow." In a letter to his parents, school officials described the incident as one in which their son "threatened to shoot a student."

In one way, this reaction is understandable. After the horrific events at Sandy Hook Elementary School, seeing any sort of gunplay at school would be, on a gut level, distressing. This sort of reaction certainly has historical precedent: in 1968, following the assassinations of Martin Luther King Jr. and Robert F. Kennedy, the Sears Roebuck Christmas catalog pulled all toy guns from its pages.

But, beyond visceral reactions—exclamations of distaste at child behavior that uncomfortably resonates with tragedy—does pretend violence perpetuate real violence?

Not necessarily. According to Stuart Brown, psychiatrist and the founder and director of the National Institutes of Play, "Play can act as a powerful deterrent, even an antidote to prevent violence. Play is a powerful catalyst for positive socialization."

But parents and teachers—like the teachers in Silver Spring, Maryland—are often not inclined to see it that way."Teachers…often see normal rough and tumble play behavior such as hitting, diving, wrestling, (all done with a smile, between friends who stay friends), not as a state of play, but one of anarchy that must be controlled."

In a study of adults who had committed violent crimes, including the Virginia Tech killer Seung-Hui Cho, Brown discovered that their childhoods had been marked not by violent play but, more strangely, by a lack of play: the very thing that helps people, especially little people, work through conflict and aggression safely and productively.

An adult may see a kid wield a thumb-and-forefinger "gun" and think of Adam Lanza. But unless the child is already troubled, he is thinking of nothing like that. More likely it has nothing to do with a desire to harm another human being.

Experts at the Lucy Daniels Center for Early Childhood encourage parents not to suppress children's aggression in play. "Children turn to play so that they can learn what they need to learn about aggression. We should become concerned about children's relationship to aggression only if they appear to be overly pre-occupied with aggression in their thoughts or actions outside the sphere of play."

Related Topics:Gender; Parenting; Violence

To add a comment you need to be a registered user or Christianity Today subscriber.

orSubscribeor
More from Her.menutics
When Bullying Becomes Spiritual Warfare

When Bullying Becomes Spiritual Warfare

Insults and intimidation threaten children’s perceptions of God.
Hey, Christian Youth: It Gets Better

Hey, Christian Youth: It Gets Better

Why have the perks of faithful adulthood become our best-kept secret?
The Church Deserves Better than Ugly Decorations

The Church Deserves Better than Ugly Decorations

Neither Granny’s castoffs nor HGTV trends belong in church buildings.
The Next Chapter for Christian Publishing

The Next Chapter for Christian Publishing

Instead of saying goodbye to the ‘Golden Age,’ it’s time for us welcome a new era.
Include results from Christianity Today
Browse Archives:

So Hot Right Now

Good Sex Comes to Those Who Wait?

Hook-up sex v. married sex: A warning about incentivizing abstinence with personal pleasure.

What We're Reading

CT eBooks and Bible Studies

Christianity Today
Let Boys be Boys: Play-Fighting May Actually Be Good for Kids