@janet w. I totally agree. The article would have been better if it did not use the phrase from the biblical text in such a limited way. It's a bit of a concern that pastors/writers used the phrase as well in the way it's been described. As suggested, more proper use of hermeneutics is clearly needed. It's a great article though on opening one's heart to loves and hurts in a mature, Christian way.

I do think there is a Biblical balance here -- that of guarding one's heart as the Lord teaches us to do. Young women/girls are often very romantically-minded, have very romantic ideas about guys for a number of reasons (books, movies, etc), and sometimes don't view them as clearly as they should. I think the main problem young Christian women may have is that of ignoring the protections the Lord established in His Word, including that of "not being unequally yoked with unbelievers". I've known many girls/young women who have experienced shipwreck of their lives because they were ignorant of this, or lost sight of it in the excitement of romantic attraction. Another common downfall results from confusing lust as love.

“To love at all is to be vulnerable. Love anything and your heart will be wrung and possibly broken. If you want to make sure of keeping it intact you must give it to no one, not even an animal. Wrap it carefully round with hobbies and little luxuries; avoid all entanglements. Lock it up safe in the casket or coffin of your selfishness. But in that casket, safe, dark, motionless, airless, it will change. It will not be broken; it will become unbreakable, impenetrable, irredeemable. To love is to be vulnerable.”

I'm a dude. I've been single for all my life. I've only been on a few "dates." I never even kissed another girl. And its not because I didn't ask anyone out or "guard my heart." Its because I've been rejected 18 times in a period from my 9th grade year to now. As much I regret some of the pursuits, they are all humbling, teaching me to wait and keep my head up knowing that this could mean several things. -I am to be single because the Lord wants me to. (OR) -The lady the Lord has for me is a hundredfold better than the last. I will be a better husband, father, and companion because of the trials I've experienced through the rejections. And lastly, as I mentioned earlier, humility.

Great article! One thing that comes to mind is the Biblical injunction to "be not unequally yoked together with unbelievers". I wish I had understood the import of this when I was a young adult. I did not realize then how utterly I could trust God with my whole life, every detail of it. God was merciful to me in many ways, and I thank Him every day for that, but like so many others I've had to deal with consequences which were painful to the extreme. This is an article I'll pass on to young adults I know. IMHO, it's great not only for girls but also for guys.

So much for the use of sound "hermeneutics" in this article - it is all absent.

Sharon, enough people have discussed the main point of your article, so I thought I'd touch on your opening about sometimes dating for dubious motives. My cousin once dated a guy in High School because he was the first guy in school to have an 8 track player in his car. As I said, she once dated him, as in only went out on one date with the guy. I doubt he ever really understood why she wouldn't say yes to a second date. But when I asked her about it she said, "Why should I go out with him again. I've already seen his 8 track player." One of my favorite cousins! Cheers, Tim

I found this article to be incredibly wise. I think I often struggle with balancing guarding my heart and being vulnerable enough to move a relationship forward. It's easy to hold back out of fear and argue that I am only guarding my heart. In the past I have fallen into the trap of giving too much of myself to men who didn't deserve it, and now I find myself having to re-learn what healthy emotional intimacy looks like. Thanks for your insight - I appreciated your presentation of connecting with others and maintaining healthy boundaries. I blog about faith and life and love at http://hopefullydevon.blogspot.com/

In response, I would counsel them to heed 1 Corinthians 13:4-7 "Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres." I would also encourage a person in such a relationship to disengage physically. One would be surprised at how effective physical space is in allowing a person to better love a difficult person. However, I would caution against "guarding one's heart" as this is essentially an unloving act. Instead, I would suggest having a realistic view of the person and the relationship, without rancor. I have found that the only way for me to truly love is to have as clear a view as possible of the other person and of myself. Difficult people are sometimes gifts to us, and can teach us much on the nature of love.

Janet W, to push a little further on this, how would you counsel people who have emotionally abusive or manipulative parents, or who find themselves in emotionally toxic relationships? When it comes to their hearts, how should they respond?