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My name is Clara and am from USA. I got married to my high school lover 12years ago, we have two lovely kids and we have been living in peace and harmony ever since. I noticed some unusual changes in him and I decided to asked him why the sudden changes and he told me that all is well, that I should not be disturbed. He started keeping secretes from me, and only to find that he was going out with my high school classmate, but he claimed that she forced herself into him. Things got worse that the kids and I packed out of the house because i noticed that he was not with his rightful senses, not thesame person I used to know. While I was away, I read about one Dr. Uhunoma, and I decided to contact him and i was told what to do, I did all I was told to do, to my greatest surprise, things came back to the way it use to be when we were still in school. Words alone cant tell how happy and grateful i am, so i decided to share my testimony with all those facing similar problem not to hesitate to contact him. You can email him at uhunomatemple@yahoo.com

Lots of good thoughts here. I'm repeatedly brought back to face the fact that I'll probably never marry. And I MUST, because the Scripture says it's true, plant my flag on the hill that "God works all things together for the good of them that love Him." There are times that it's easier than others. And it's remarkably hard to find someone to encourage your faith in that area. Most people offer up (already explored) strategies to meet someone, or ideas to make yourself prettier (which ... not so helpful really).

And they all tend to treat the wait as a sort of spiritual penance that one barters to God in exchange for a desired outcome.

Good point Ashleigh (September 30, 2012 2:24 PM). James certainly agrees with you! (James 1:27.) Tim

The evangelical disdain for "religion" in favor of "relationship" is something the first Christians would not have even understood. Christianity is a religion, and that doesn't make it any less true, valid, or meaningful. Please stop resisting that fact, people.

A well-made point we've needed to hear in the church. On a side note, however, does the same reasoning apply to Christians uttering expletives?

GeeCee (September 24, 2012 4:03 PM) - maybe I missed it, but I don't see something hinting at leaglism in Anna's article. Can you quote a part that "comes across as a bit legalistic"? Thanks, Tim

While I don't condone sex before marriage, your viewpoint comes across a bit legalistic. While I agree with you if you point, please do not let your abstinence get in the way of beginning a meaningful relationship. I know of more than a few women who are "waiting for God to bring them a man" who are absolutely miserable. And because of that misery, they are unknowingly separating themselves from the possibility of finding a good partner through their resentment and bitterness of having to wait. They love God, but they can't understand that their legalism has soured them to the point that they are unfit to be married, saved or not. Please remember that there is a component of grace that's involved in all aspects of Christian living, including when and how we meet our life partners.

Thank you Anna, That is helpful. The comments are helpful too. FYI and this may be of help to some, my own book "One Flesh" sub-titled "what Jesus teaches about, love, relationships, marriage and a lot more ......" is now available in paperback. You might want to check out this link: http://www.glorytoglory.co.uk/default.aspx?ID=113 Blessings, Peter Sammons

I am not the posterchild for holiness tho i try. But in my walk with God which is more like a reluctant hurdle it occured to me that being pure had nothing and everything with finding a spouse because God never promised if i obey Him in abstinence He would give me a spouse it occured to me i may in fact b single forever and what would i do then...if i was only holding out..so to speak for when God sent my mate i was missing the point entirely. Not to say to those He wants does He reward people but i dont think it is God desire that we b battling our flesh everyday and those He wantd married will b. Without sounding cynical if God wants something done He does it whether He uses u or somebody. IF He wants us married we will or eould have been. That is not the most difficult thing in the world but we dont have an option to live holy that will continue even if God provides a spousey

My husband and I did wait to have sex until we were married and now the pain of endometriosis has forced us to be apart for a time. Whatever happens, we must obey God with our sexuality despite the circumstances. Well said, Anna.

Religion is that which is used to manipulate God and which cannot beget love for him? You're right to oppose things like this, but please realize that many people use the words "religion" and "religious" to describe experiences that are precisely opposite.

So well written. Beautiful. I have been married for almost 19 years and I think a big problem with our society is we elevate sex to gigantic proportions to something that it isn't. Sex is a good thing, a wonderful thing, but it sure isn't the end-all ecstatic experience that media has duped everyone who doesn't have sex to believe it is. There are times it is great but then life moves on. You sure can't live your life in bed -- and you wouldn't want to. Even THAT can get routine-like. And marriage is wonderful too but it sure isn't the end all of relationship either. The most meaningful and intimate relationship we can have is with Jesus Christ. If that one doesn't satisfy no marriage will satisfy for long.

Some of her struggle-suffering is likely due to ignorance. Many Christians believe that there is a 'right' person for them, in the sense that God would pick. However, there are only three cases in the Bible where this happens. Adam and Eve: Since Eve would be the mother of the human race. Isaac and Rebekah: Since Rebekah would be the mother of the Hebrew nation. Hosea and Gomer: As an example of His love for the backslider. You won't get anything in life, a spouse included, if you sit back and wait for something to happen. A woman is perfectly within her role as a Christian if she gets out there and lets her light shine [none sexually]. Approach guys. Introduce yourself. And stay feminine in the process. There is nothing wrong with that and it will improve your odds of finding someone loves and obeys God as you do.

To BPerry (September 20, 2012 10:45 AM) - I think they must be referring to Chapter 12 in part I of God in the Dock: Essays on Theology and Ethics by C.S. Lewis, "Man or Rabbit?" It might be elsewhere in Lewis's writings, but this one has the gist of that thesis. Cheers, Tim P.S. I dug this up with about 5 minutes' worth of effort on the Internet.

To the author: I can't find the reference for the C.S Lewis quote (or paraphrase). Can anyone tell me what book it was in? Love CS Lewis, not sure I like un-sourced quotes.

Praise the Lord indeed for what you say. I also try my best to obey God because He is right, of course. I' m married twice. The first marriage was condidered null by our church. The second marriage cannot be "consumed", due to my husband's illness. We love eachother only by holding our hands. I DO KNOW THAT GOD KNOWS WHAT THE BEST IS FOR ME, and after mistakes and sins wich He has forgiven by His love, I am surrendered to Him. What you say is very true: nothing belongs to us, and all we have is His gift. To Him all glory for ever.

Bless you, Anna! It is always refreshing to hear from (other) single Christians who are in their 30s, 40s, even 50s who are still clinging to God's view of sex and sexuality. I am older than you, and I can well relate to your thoughts and feelings. C S Lewis has been, for me also, a clarifying and invigorating mentor along the way. It is true that there are benefits now to celibacy. I have had enough heart trauma from broken relationships; I am ever so glad that sexual regret isn't part of that pain. but sometimes it is, as you say, a matter of simply trusting the goodness of the One Who has proven He is worthy of trusting and obeying in all things.

The promise of a spouse -- the expectation of marriage in general -- runs deep, especially in Protestant, Evangelical circles. I am married, but I cringe every time I hear a pastor or speaker flippantly talk about, "WHEN you get married," "WHEN you have children," etc. instead of, "IF you get married." Whatever happened to Paul's emphasis on being single? How did we suddenly equate marriage with being... holier?

Thanks for the encouragement to those of us living in the prolonged, sexless singleness of contemporary Christendom. I appreciate your point about authority and efficacy--sometimes latching onto the simple trust of "You have the words of life, to whom will we go?" is all one has. At the same time, I wonder if there is really as much distinction between the authority and efficacy of God's truth as you're describing here. If we think about the wisdom tradition of the Bible, of the creator God who has made us body and soul, about the Word who formed the world and assumed flesh to redeem us, it is not difficult to begin to understand Judeo-Christian ethics as creationally embedded. Yes, sometimes we just have to obey because otherwise we're lost to our senseless senses; but God did make us rational creatures in his image capable of discerning the wisdom of the truth and not just its necessity or given-ness. I've experienced this personally with respect to sexuality in that I've come to a place where I can recognize that abstinence in singleness really is healthier for me psychologically, emotionally and spiritually. God is my Master, but he is also my Father, and he understands that it is actually better to give than to receive, and has given marriage to us as a safe framework in which to work that out in sexual intimacy with another person. God's instruction to us is natural and wise, not arbitrary, and grasping that has helped me in my struggles with personal chastity. I think the beauty of God's wisdom is that it's true and efficacious, even if sometimes its efficacy might not be readily evident to us.

:Truth ultimately has to stand on its authority, not its efficacy." I have learned this slowly and painfully! It's either true or its not. Never mind that we are pretty much promised that most of the benefits of following Christ will come later. Not that there are no benefits now, but they are not often of the "making my life" easier variety. We can have joy, peace, and abundant life, but it is often in the midst of affliction and/or suffering. It is often in the letting go of the seeking after how all this benefits me that I can start to reap the actual benefits.

What a great article written by a single! As a youth leader to middleschool teens I signed the promisory note to my future husband, my parents, and God in my late 20's...I'm now 47 and still single. Yes, the waiting game is a struggle, and I've asked the "what is the point?" There is a point - somehow. Sometimes I think I get a glimpse of it and other times...not so much, but it is what it is. Abstinence is possible - more than possible - and it won't kill you, but people will think you are weird. I saw Justin Bieber's mom on "Ellen" yesterday. She decided at age 21 she will not have sex until she's married (she had Justin at age 18 and really struggled), and she's 37 now. She also hasn't dated anyone because her son needed her full attention. I could tell Ellen was just floored at the idea of not having sex for so many years and that this young woman MUST be at the point where she'd take anyone who is willing. I just love her example and explanation for her choice. But again, people will think you are weird.

Well said, really right on!

Tim: this is not saying that sexual sins are worse than others, but here is how Paul says it: 1 Corinthians 6:18 Flee from sexual immorality. All other sins a person commits are outside the body, but whoever sins sexually, sins against their own body.

Thank you! God is definitely sending me a message; especially in the master-obedience part God bless!!

You have no idea how much I needed to hear these words today. These principles apply in so many areas of our lives. Thanks for proclaiming them so effectively.

wow, great article!!! we're all waiting for something that only God can give us through grace, not because we're worthy or good enough or close enough to Him... He does what He does. plus, i like what Tim said, too... nicely put. :)

"... truth ultimately has to stand on its authority, not its efficacy." Well put, Anna. Thanks for reminding me of Lewis's wonderful take on this. I also really liked the piano practice illustration. It's careful adherence to the masters that allow someone to play with abandon if desired. It's careful adherence to God that allows us to abandon ourselves in the abundant life Jesus promised his people. And on the issue of why sexual behavior gets special treatment, I think it's got to be that we allow the world to spill into God's kingdom. The world has for millennia put special stock in virginal brides. God's word tells us that this is a worthy pursuit, but for grooms as well as brides. What I wonder about the abstinence issue, though, is why we treat a loss of virginity in sex issues differently from a loss of virginity in other areas, like honesty. Let's say someone goes through life without stealing, and then one day shoplifts. That person is forever a thief and no longer a theft-virgin, just as the person who has had sex is no longer a sex-virgin. Are either of those people more worthy than the other? Are either of them more beyond God's grace than the other? In a spiritual sense, aren't they equal regarding these acts? Tim

That looks to me like a beautiful definition of Christian religion.

Good, but tough article. I think this is why school is so much easier than life. You get a syllabus with all the requirements and you know what you're going to get with the effort you put in. Following Jesus can literally take you anywhere on any timeframe.

What does "relationship" mean and what does "religion"? Are we to assume that if we don't feel a personal connection with God we needn't be chaste. I myself wouldn't be practicing chastity were it not for religion.

Anna, What a beautiful, true, explanation of what it means to follow Jesus. I know it's not easy, but many thanks to you for clearly explicating just what it entails in this instance. I am sharing this! Marlena

We usually commit mistakes because of our being stubborn... let us always remember that ... obedience is always better than sacrifice! This is so encouraging thank you so much for sharing it.

Anna Wow-said so well. The Lord is Lord because it is truth-and we should obey out of love whether we "benefit" or not. Waiting isn't easy-and it doesn't promise that someday "it" will happen-but the joy now and the joy when we stand before Him and He says, well done-is worth the wait. If American Christians could return to submission to God and not spend so much time grabbing back our liberties-what power the body of Christ would have.

Brilliant piece. You said it all, Anna. Thank you.