When I first read James 1:19, it almost feels too easy—three simple steps. How hard can that be, right? But when I really think about it, I realize that it’s far easier to read than it is to live. To be slow to speak, quick to hear, and slow to become angry all take a great deal of effort on my part. It’s a reminder that apart from the Holy Spirit living in me, teaching me to work out my salvation, I’ll never be able to be the kind of friend I want to have in my life.

Small issues turn into larger problems when we’re not slow to speak. Miscommunication gives way to arguments when we’re not quick to listen. Bitterness and offense run rampant when we’re not slow to anger. Assumptions lead to divisions—the opposite of the unity God desires for us. But through the Holy Spirit in us, the Word of God can bring lasting change in how we think, speak, and live.

It’s been said that God gave us two ears and one mouth so that we can listen twice as much as we speak. May we each learn to listen with our ears, hearts, and minds open. May we believe the best in others, offer them the benefit of the doubt when friendship is hard work, and extend grace as often as possible.

God is constantly calling us to view others through the lens of Christ. It’s not always easy or our natural inclination; nevertheless, through the strength of the Holy Spirit, it is possible. After all, when God is quick to hear, slow to speak, and slow to anger, how could we respond with anything less?

Karina Allen is a writer in the (in)courage community. Excerpted from Craving Connection: 30 Challenges for Real-Life Engagement from the (in)courage community. Copyright 2017 B&H Publishing Group.