Several years ago, the Wall Street Journal ran an article about Southerners' use of a expression so natural, so like breathing or salting the restaurant tostados, that I was surprised to see "bless your heart" singled out as an attack phrase.

Bless your heart?

The Wall Street Journal writer clearly misunderstood fundamental Southern etiquette. She said that no comment was so unkind that the Southerner could not back away clean as a shiny kitchen counter by adding, "bless his heart."

Shaky thesis, I thought, until I took the "Bless their hearts" challenge for myself. You can try it too—just add "bless your heart" to any insult:

"John's son was picked up again for DWI. Bless their hearts, that family is dysfunction on a stick."

"Shoulder pads went out with Joan Collins. She looks like a DC-10, bless her heart."

Folks in the rest of America will backstab or tell you to get lost. Southerners bless our heart. Point taken, I thought. But deceptive criticism isn't exclusive to phrase.

In my 20s, for example, I joined a Bible study of mostly young married couples. The leader was a seminary professor, also beginning his career. Our little group clicked, even shared the occasional lake-house weekend. We were forming a safe niche to explore faith, a small community, and we looked forward to Thursday nights. In fact, few of us ever missed a meeting.

About 14 months into the study, a couple defected from another Bible study and joined ours. They were up for fun … and funny. From almost the first week, the wife cleverly pointed out our leader's quirks. She loved him, but he didn't really "get it." Had we caught what he meant by that comment? Did we see how buffoonish he could be? Before her chatter began, no one was unhappy. I thought the remarks were rolling off all of us. But inside a year, the study disintegrated.

That was my first practical illustration of the power of gossip. The dissatisfied family eventually moved to another town, but we never regained our group—or the innocence of that year of coming together.

For a reason, the Bible tells us to avoid gossip, to guard our words and discipline our minds. We can wreak destruction over coffee and confidences. Bless all our hearts.