It's been a buzzword for two decades. Everybody talks about it. Most business people think it's important. But what, exactly, is networking? And isn't there something "wrong" with it from a Christian perspective? If not, how do I become better at this stuff?

"Networking" is the practice of building relationships for mutual gain. As a marketing guy, I do this daily—even hourly. It's my job to do lunch, to work rooms, to make valuable contacts and to then use those contacts to close deals.

Sound unctuous? It can be. A lot of Christians are uncomfortable with the practice because it seems so selfish. It seems to be exclusively about advancing our own agenda. About being slick and surreptitious. Or, less pejoratively, about using the contacts we have for self-promotion.

Much of networking is actually that way, as it's practiced in the world. But I'd maintain that there's nothing inherently immoral about networking. It's a tool, like a hammer is a tool, and tools are value-neutral. They can be used for good or for evil, for building a house or for hitting someone over the head. So the question then becomes: "How can we use networking for good?"

Here's how. Let's say you're walking into a party, or into some industry conference. You have a critical choice to make at the door. If you walk in thinking: "How can I serve other people and how can I advance God's Kingdom?" then you're ready to network in a way that honors God. That is, you're in a position to establish strategic relationships that help people and organizations meet their full potential. Alternatively, if your mind-set is: "How can I serve myself?" you're then at risk of using people to meet your quotas or reach other pragmatic ends. Consequently, you'll probably act like every other networking aficionado out there—objectifying people, cheapening God's children, perhaps marring the cause of Christ in the process.

This might sound like a subtle or even semantic distinction to you, but recognize that the implications of your attitude toward people are enormous. That attitude will ultimately determine whether others see God in and through you. Moreover, the attitude you choose may also determine your success as a networker. Sure, you can make contacts and close deals with a self-serving mind-set. It happens every day. But with a servant's mind-set, you build more than short-term business and an overweight Rolodex. You build friendships—genuine, trusting relationships that blossom into new business, long-term business, and an even broader network, since people tend to refer those of empathy and integrity.

What might this "servant-oriented" networking look like in operation? Let me offer you some practical tips from my years of palm-pressing and card swapping.

• Before you enter any networking situation—a meeting, a social gathering, whatever—start with prayer. Pray to be led to people whom God wants you to meet and pray for the humility to see those people as God does, not as means to an end.
• Take a genuine interest in the person with whom you are speaking. Care about what she cares about. Get to know her and seek ways that you can truly serve her. One way to communicate this is to be authentically direct. Ask: "How can I serve you?" or, in Christian circles, "How can I be a blessing to you?" Caution, though. If you don't mean it, that will likely be transparent. So mean it.
• Relatedly, look for common ground. I often identify this through mutual acquaintances, shared interests, and general observation of the person. For example, when I walk into someone's office, I look at the walls and bookshelves for clues of what this common ground might be.
• Learn to ask open-ended questions. An example: "How has your company addressed the challenge of ____?" That allows the other person some space to talk, rather than to offer mere one-word answers, as if he were on the witness stand.
• Use the "tell me—sell me" approach. Ask the person to tell you about himself or his business before offering the services you have. Look for the real door that God is opening for service, instead of predetermining the door you'd like to kick open. And if you find that there isn't a door at all, don't ever go through a wall to make one.
• Make good notes after the meeting. Don't rely on memory alone. You'll serve people better if you scribe their actual needs.
• Follow-up and follow-through with details. I'm convinced that this is where most would-be networkers fail. Set up a system to follow-up with your contacts. Also, be sure to follow through on any promises you made. Doing the "little things" is often the difference between adequate and excellent.
• Become an information junkie. Information is a vital and powerful commodity and it will enable you to become truly skilled at networking. The more you know, the better you can serve.
• Lastly, pray after your meetings as well as before them. Bracketing your networking time this way will help safeguard you from the ubiquitous temptation to abuse the process for personal gain.

Mark Begly, MBA, is the Executive Director of Advancement for Regent University Virginia Beach, Virginia.

Copyright © 2002 Regent Business Review, Issue 2. Used by permission.