I just finished reading two magazine articles: "Piercings—The Ouch Factor" and "371 Ways to Look Hot This Spring." I'm still trying to figure out how to look hot with my receding hairline.
Years ago I resigned my senior pastorate to become a youth pastor. Worries about boards and budgets were replaced with Sunday school, junior high lock-ins (don't try this one), cliques, peer pressure, break-ups, make-ups, supportive parents, irate parents, and explaining why the church van looked like we'd just come back from Afghanistan.
Fifteen years later, I've returned to the senior pastorate. But those years in youth ministry changed me. I am now convinced that a church that cares for teens wins the hearts of the community. I don't know if I'll ever be a "normal" pastor again.
Staying hip, er, cool
Ministry tools should come with an expiration date: Caution, this can lose potency if used after a certain date. Kids change. Keeping up-to-date is essential because yesterday's success may be tomorrow's disaster.
The goofy competitions I once used now no longer work. Our teens would rather listen to a band or relax ("kick it") than compete.
Age has little to do with keeping current. I know 80-year-olds who kids think are cool, and 18-year-olds who are too old to work with the youth group.
Reading teen magazines (YM, Cosmo Girl, Seventeen) helps clue me in. I may draw stares at the library, but I stay up on the fears and interests of teens. I also teach junior and senior high Sunday school once a year (besides the good contact, it impresses parents and promotes humility). And I attend a youth ministry convention every few years. The electric atmosphere alone helps me stay sharp.
How they're changing me
After teaching a Sunday school class, a junior higher (why are they always so honest?) responded, "Ray, the lesson was fun—for about five minutes. Then it got really dull."
She was right. I had put all the good stuff in my introduction. I worked hard to get their attention but neglected to keep their attention.
Her remark taught me that every sermon is a mixture of alive and dead air. So now I check each section of the message to make sure it is alive enough to hold attention.
They've also taught me that a stiff upper lip is a poor substitute for authenticity.
After five years of marriage, my wife became pregnant. We were thrilled. We waited 14 weeks, then made the announcement. Days were filled with congratulations and teens lining up for lucrative baby-sitting jobs.
Two weeks later we were devastated by miscarriage. I hadn't counted on how tough it would be to share the news. I went to the youth group determined to be the model Christian, praising God in tough times. But I couldn't do it. In front of the kids I lost it. Through my tears all I could say was, "We're really disappointed. Pray for us."
Their response was amazing! Kids wrote notes, baked cookies, and told us they loved us. The love of those teens helped heal us. They also began coming to me with their hurts. Honesty changed me and opened up avenues for ministry with the youth.
How we're changing them
A lot of things don't matter to today's teens, like what degrees I hold or what seminary I attended. A few things, however, make a major difference.
Hope and joy. Teens today are worried, stressed, not sure there will be a future. We can give kids an environment where they see positive, life-affirming adults enjoying life. That attracts kids to the Christian faith.
Last year on Valentine's Day, my wife and I and four other couples boarded our church van for a group date. On the freeway, the husbands "faked" a breakdown (very believable in our church van!). Just as our wives were recalling their single days fondly, a stretch limousine we had secretly rented pulled up.
We escorted our stunned wives into the limo and proceeded to several stops where teens from our church served the courses in our Valentine's Day progressive dinner.
For these kids, seeing us celebrate (adults having fun!) had greater impact than my carefully crafted sermons. Now more than ever, teens hunger for the message that life can be more than endured. It can be enjoyed!
Community matters more than content. In 15 years of youth ministry, I never heard a student say, "Ray, what will you be speaking on at the retreat?" Their question (and the deciding factor concerning their attendance) has been, "Who else is going?" Teens are attracted to relationships.
Our church launched a ministry called Secret Spiritual Sponsors to encourage relationships between youth and adults. Adults "adopt" a teenager in the youth group. They commit to support the student with prayer, birthday cards, notes of encouragement, Christian books and CDs, and such. At the end of the year, we hold an appreciation banquet to introduce the teens to their secret sponsors, a great example of community.
Overcome insignificance by involvement. I spent years producing apathetic kids. I didn't plan it that way, but apathy was created.
A turning point came when I read Keeping Your Teens in Touch With God by Robert Laurent. He researched the top 10 reasons young people leave the church. The leading reason: "Lack of opportunity for meaningful involvement." Most teens are convinced there is little place for them in the church.
In an attempt to turn this around, I recently led a four-week group on "Discovering and developing your spiritual gifts." They were just going through the motions until I had each one sit in front of the group and take notes while the others shared what they thought his or her gifts might be. The atmosphere came alive! Seeing their friends (and their pastor) believing they possessed gifts, their confidence and interest rose.
My youth are inspired when they hear stories of kids serving Christ in remarkable ways. Suzanne and Stacey, two high schoolers in Jackson, Mississippi, lead a Bible study that has grown from two to 50 in one year.
Maybe the fastest growing junior high ministry in the South is led by two teens who have known adults who believed their gifts were worth discovering and developing! The gifts of your students are equally worth encouraging and putting into action.
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