(Ed. Note: John Maxwell tells about the time a new minister on his staff walked right past a group of people in the church lobby one morning without speaking to them. He evidently wanted to get right to work. “These people are our work, Dan,” John said, confronting him later. “We’re in the people business.” Here, Dan Reiland picks up the story of learning people skills from a master.)
I wish the stories of my early leadership at Skyline Wesleyan Church were only as bad as John said. I’ll tell you another one. Upon arriving at our first church after graduating from seminary, the engine on our 1970 240Z hadn’t yet cooled before the first conflict set in. Patti and I returned to San Diego in 1982 to take our first post on John Maxwell’s staff. My kindest one word description of myself as a leader was “green.”
I remember my first meeting with the Sunday School board, led by Marte Phillippee. She and 16 volunteers awaited their first meeting with the “new guy.” Armed with my briefcase full of experience—one whole day—I dazzled them with unbelievably brilliant organization and strategy. The charts and forecasts were amazing.
Within a few days I got my first report card. Marte told John, “We don’t like him.”
Four words said volumes.
The good news is that Marte and I are dear friends today, but the road wasn’t easy. You can see that God was kind to me and John was too. Here are several principles John used in building people skills in me.
- Be upfront. How John handled me made all the difference in the world. He was firm, very firm, clear, but kind. In no uncertain terms he made my leadership liabilities clear. It was so clear that I knew I wouldn’t last my first full year if I didn’t grow. Yet, he emphasized my potential. He said, “I know you love people and have deep passion for the church, but you don’t show it well. The first thing you need to learn to do is communicate what is solidly in you to others in a way that is meaningful. People need to see your heart.”
- Make it memorable. He used principles. The first one was “walk slowly through the crowds.” The meaning is obvious and simple, but when used at the right moment with the right person it becomes profound. There were others, such as “people don’t care how much you know till they know how much you care.” You’ve heard that before, but you get the idea. His instructions were simple and memorable.
- Stand by your man. John backed me up in public. This gave me courage to try and take risks. He never, never confronted or dismantled me in public—always in private. But when he spotted something, he never delayed in letting me know. The good news was that I’m a good student and learned fast.
- Teach by modeling. John was the master model. He never assigned me to “observe” him, I think he knew I was smart enough to observe. So I did. He did encourage me to always ask “why” questions so I would understand the reasoning behind certain leadership decisions, the way he handled a person, issues of timing, etc.
- All the world’s a classroom. He gave me opportunity to connect with large numbers of people. I didn’t need to be pushed into such settings, but I did need encouragement to express my feelings better when in the presence of others. Remember I loved people, I just was lousy at letting them know.
- Customized mentoring. John mentored each of us on his staff differently. He knew intuitively what we would respond to. He knew I wouldn’t respond to a “heavy hand” (this is different than being firm and clear), but that I could take the heat (his requirement to change and grow in my ability to produce) if I knew he cared about me. And that he did. John didn’t just correct my deficiencies, as a matte r of fact, he invested more time into developing my strengths than confronting my weaknesses. For that, I will always be grateful.
Dan Reiland pastors at Crossroads Community Church in Lawrenceville, Georgia, and contributes regularly to John Maxwell’s INJOY newsletter.
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