To be effective outside the church, in the community, people inside the church must get along.
— Greg Asimakoupoulos
The infection set in shortly after he arrived at the church. A highly gifted associate, Todd started his Christian education ministry the same weekend our second daughter was born. Both events were celebrated as answers to prayer and appeared equally promising.
Nine months had changed everything, however. Whereas I eagerly anticipated each evening greeting my daughter, Allison, I got a knot in my stomach each morning anticipating bumping into Todd.
We didn’t see eye to eye on many things. My hands-on leadership style frustrated him; his use of time drove me nuts. He questioned my annoyance with his laid-back attitude and struggled to follow through on projects; I struggled to communicate openly with him. Though the congregation was oblivious to our five-year allergic reaction, by the time the rash was visible, the dis-ease required radical surgery. He eventually left the church.
To be effective outside the church, to the community, people inside the church must get along. Attending to those doing the work of the ministry, as I painfully learned, can be done inefficiently, grinding the wheels of ministry to a noisy halt.
I’ve since discovered it doesn’t have to be that way.
From Infirmary to Injury
Sentenced to a starkly furnished hospital waiting room, I confined my solitary thoughts to the events down the closed-off corridor. My 63-year-old father was in surgery to repair the damage of a near fatal heart attack. Five hours and four by-passes later, the surgeon spoke the words for which we had hoped: Dad would pull through.
But relief quickly dissolved to fear: a staph infection contracted in the hospital threatened his recovery. I had thought modern medical centers were citadels of sterility. What I did not know, however, is that almost as many people die each year from infections contracted in hospitals as from the illnesses for which they are hospitalized.
Instead of healing, this hospital contaminated my father, undermining the institution’s purpose. Fortunately, my dad recovered from his lingering infection. But too often, churches, like hospitals, endanger the health of its constituents. Health is also a church issue. Dis-ease among staff and volunteers can be a fatal distraction.
After Todd’s resignation, two years passed before our congregation restabilized. In retrospect, early detection and treatment would have been possible had I implemented the following:
• A complete physical. Unfortunately, I possessed little experience in staff relationships. I had served as an associate once, but this was my first time recruiting a staff member. I had stumbled through Todd’s candidating process. I was unaware of the myriad personality inventories that analyze work habits and forecast potential areas of conflict.
If only we had both been x-rayed early on, the shadows on our good intentions would have been detected. We could have agreed to cut off discussions at the candidating phase or determined that occupational therapy would be sought from the beginning.
• A daily regimen. An associate’s job description should be detailed beyond what seems necessary. Uncommunicated expectations generally translate into unacceptable performance. The last time I read 1 Corinthians 12, mind reading wasn’t on the list of available spiritual gifts.
Neither is mime reading. Todd’s job description did not specify office hours, so I attempted to model appropriate work habits. At times I felt like Charlie Chaplin penguining around the office, hoping to motivate Todd by my long hours and visibility. But he didn’t pick up on my cues. Exhausted and resentful, I picked up a bad attitude.
When I hired my next staff member, I assumed nothing. I made sure the minute details of his job description included office procedures, weekly time minimums, weekend and evening expectations, and an accountability structure. Although I felt self-conscious about what seemed like detailed and high expectations, I swallowed hard and discussed it openly with the candidate. To my amazement he appreciated the thoroughness of the listed expectations.
Scott was an experienced youth pastor. He was familiar with a myriad of team ministry models, but he had his preferences. His performance was enhanced by a job description he knew fit him.
“A snug uniform fits me best,” he said while looking over the prospectus of the position. “Too loose a fit is uncomfortable — leaves too much room for doubt. I like a coach who has a game plan for each player. As long as I know what is expected of me, let me on the field, and look out!”
Later, when trust is earned, the demands of a job description can be relaxed. But knowing what is expected does relieve staff members from the anxiety of wondering if they are doing too little or too much.
• Frequent office visits. I dropped the ball with Todd. What I should have dropped was my pen. Instead of expressing my concerns or complaints in person, I wrote memos and slid them under his door. My own insecurities couldn’t handle rejection, so I avoided the messy matter. Had I regularly dropped by Todd’s office for friendly chats and ministry updates, our relationship would have endured face-to-face discussions about unmet expectations.
I now work with five other staff members. We insist upon weekly checkups. Staff meetings are a must. To maintain a common heartbeat, there is an obvious need for structured evaluation, planning, and prayer. Maintaining quality staff times is not easy, but valuable efforts rarely are.
I’ve discovered that water-cooler conversations and chit-chat in an associate’s office are just as profitable as two-hour staff meetings. Talking on their turf underscores our equally important roles in ministry. Informal give-and-take builds trust. As far as they’re concerned, I can’t chew the fat too often. And gratefully, I’ve learned it sure beats chewing someone out.
I was first introduced to this corrective technique by a retired conference superintendent named Clarence. What made him effective as a denominational executive I found described in Peters and Waterman’s management classic, In Search of Excellence. Successful managers are not chained to their desks. They budget time for banter. “Management by walking around” Peters and Waterman call it. Clarence called it “ministry the Master’s way.”
Wandering around the office is an aerobic exercise that prevents bad blood from circulating among the staff.
• House calls. Marcus Welby isn’t the only one who makes routine home visits. So does a senior pastor worth his smelling salt. Staff families need to be in each other’s homes if rapport and trust are to be nurtured.
If this marriage axiom is true — you marry your spouse’s family, not just your spouse — the same is true in staff relationships. Staff families can support the excitement of the ministry only to the degree they can relate to one another.
Here was another area of my negligence with Todd. Whereas we saw each other every day, our wives and children had only a superficial relationship. Sunday contact was not sufficient to bond our families, to own the common vision. When deadlines demanded overtime and additional sacrifice, the reservoir of trust, understanding, and support was empty.
Getting It Off Your Chest
Infection spreads when it goes untreated. Todd and I also neglected to treat our frustrations. Our need to smile and lead Sunday morning worship side-by-side conspired against an honest admission of paralyzing conflict.
To use a Chuck Swindoll analogy, we behaved like porcupines. When we got in a tight situation, our quills pricked each other. We’d back off to avoid the pain each other’s presence caused, going our separate ways. But the chill of ministry drew us to seek companionship’s warmth. Drawing near with unresolved hostilities, however, we soon were rubbing each other raw.
My reluctance to communicate what I really thought — my frustrations, resentments, emotional burnout — contributed to my nine-month bout with clinical depression. I became the victim of an emotional stroke. My faith drooped, and my feelings disappeared. Unexpressed anger and resentment could not be allowed to build without burping bile after a while.
I am learning how to communicate my frustrations. I have my secretary to thank. She doesn’t bottle her feelings or carry a bottle of Tums. It’s never a secret when she is troubled by something I’ve said or done. She takes the initiative and asks, “There’s something on my mind. Can we talk about it?” Her example is enabling me to talk instead of balk.
Several questions now help me monitor my feelings toward those with whom I work: Are there knots in my stomach when I arrive at work? If so, what do they signal? Does my tardiness point to a deeper issue: a passive resistance toward someone in the office? Does my “radar” detect an emotional distancing between another staff member and me? Is it possible he or she has misunderstood something I said or did?
Assuming the Best
I was much better at making notations in the debit column of Todd’s chart than on the credit side. And while I’m no psychologist, I think I know why.
For many of my childhood years, my dad managed residential properties. I observed him age prematurely as he dealt with irresponsible tenants and trashed apartments. As I entered adulthood, I think I subconsciously viewed people critically. Rather than giving them the benefit of the doubt, I questioned their integrity. No one could be trusted.
To make matters worse, while in college, I worked for a man who reinforced my assumptions. A negative, lugubrious employer, he never acknowledged good effort. But when I blew it, he made sure I knew about his displeasure.
Perhaps both environments tainted me. As a result, Todd was more apt to hear about my reaction to a project when I wasn’t pleased than when I was. What I have since come to understand is not only my bias but a proven managerial maxim: Most people want to do their best. They are motivated by opportunities for success and affirmation.
In their book, Manage Your Time, Manage Your Work, Manage Yourself, Douglass and Donna Merrill say, “People tend to live up to what is expected of them. If poor performance is expected, poor performance will be delivered. If great accomplishments are called for, these too will be delivered. Learn to have faith in and respect for your employees; you will be the winner and so will they.”
When our church hired a husband-wife Christian education team, I tried the Merrills’ approach. Because the husband-wife team had just completed graduate work in education, I knew they were more in step with such issues than I was. While I communicated certain expectations, I assumed the best, standing back and letting them prove themselves.
When I mentally questioned their timing or approach, I bit my tongue and bided my time. I cheered their efforts and checked my former ways. My supervisory role, I discovered, was to identify and remove any blocks impeding their ability to do their best.
I am also recognizing my role as cheerleader. It was Mark Twain who said, “There is only 18 inches between a slap on the back and a slap on the posterior, but oh what a difference those 18 inches make!”
Positive performance deserves praise, and praise perpetuates performance. I now keep my pom-poms in my front desk drawer.
Nine Habits for Highly Effective Volunteers
But what about those who don’t punch a time clock?
In many respects, managing volunteers and paid staff members requires similar skills, so there is some overlap. For instance, both are motivated by praise. Still, I’ve made several other discoveries that help me keep volunteers motivated and our relationship healthy.
1. Appreciation. Even more than paid staff, volunteers need recognition. When we supplemented our church office with eight receptionists, who each donate four hours once a week, we provided each with a name plate. Each week when they come to work, they slide their names into the holder on the reception desk.
We also make them feel important by giving them a sense of ownership in the church’s mission. Public praise from the pulpit, hand-engraved certificates, newsletter recognition, customized thank-you cards are a few of the ways volunteers in our church are compensated.
I’ve found it especially tempting to focus on their work only, to the exclusion of the volunteers themselves. Though delaying a project awaiting me, the few minutes I inquire about a volunteer’s weekend or family or a recent prayer request makes a difference, giving the volunteer an emotional boost.
2. Flexibility. For years we struggled to find people who would commit to teach Sunday school twelve months straight. Finally, when we opted for a rotating schedule (each teacher gets every other month off), we had more than enough volunteers from which to draw.
Our system may not resemble textbook recruitment, but it is more sensitive to the hectic lifestyles of our members. As you can see, we use a similar philosophy in recruiting receptionists.
3. Extra guidelines. Uncertainty breeds anxiety and dissipated energy. Volunteers must be able to restate what they think you want them to do. Thoughts unattached to paper are too slippery for comfort. Job descriptions drawn up on paper aren’t just for those drawing a salary.
The ushers’ job description is a good example. As part of the recruitment process in our church, ushers are given guidelines and expectations (in addition to a training session). Each usher is assigned to a rotating monthly schedule. Four Sundays on, four Sundays off. They are asked to wear a shirt, tie, and suit or sport coat, and arrive 15 minutes before the service. They are encouraged to carry breath mints. Their duties include distributing bulletins with a smile, assisting those who have difficulty finding a seat, and collecting the offering. Following worship they are requested to pick up loose papers and tidy the sanctuary.
4. Authority and responsibility. Contented workers are those who know a project is theirs to complete. They know the pastor will not step in and take control once the assignment has been given.
When one missions conference was still four months off, I sat with the missions chairman. After agreeing on the theme and desired outcomes of the month-long event, I felt comfortable leaving the details to Martin and his committee. Their enthusiasm and conscientiousness in past conferences earned my trust.
When it was all over, the committee beamed with a sense of accomplishment. Their pride was well-deserved. The speakers they had chosen were top notch. The way they had creatively expressed the theme was remarkable. The narthex resembled an international airport terminal complete with a metal detector through which people passed to enter the sanctuary. My willingness to keep hands off resulted in a contagion that carried the committee to do it again the next year.
5. Extra time. Time management is not just the struggle of paid professionals. Volunteers are juggling full-time jobs and family and ministry responsibilities. These issues occupy volunteers’ minds and consume energy. That can interfere with the church task you expect them to complete.
In our church, some office helpers need as much as half an hour to settle in and get their minds on the job. Some will brew coffee, make small talk, and flip through the church newsletter before they’re ready to type a letter or file minutes.
I not only need to be patient and flexible, I also try to be more generous with deadlines. That may shortcircuit efficiency, but workers enjoy their work more, and I’ve found that more gets done in the long run. That’s the kind of realistic clock that ticks with those who don’t punch one.
6. A professional feel. Recently I asked the head of our volunteer receptionists for her insights on how I might respond better to a troubled church member she knows well. Not only did she give me good advice, she left her work station feeling she had contributed to the overall ministry of the church.
So I’ve found that if volunteer staff are not included in regular pastoral staff meetings, at least they should be consulted. They need to feel their opinions and performance are respected and expected.
7. Free to fail. Our church chairman was a military officer for over twenty-five years. He serves on the church council, leads a home Bible study, and teaches Sunday school. In all of his commitments, he has tried a lot of novel programs. Not all of them have succeeded.
Nonetheless, he has a reputation in our church for being a successful leader. He has taught me that volunteers can be motivated by wrong choices. He gives himself permission to make mistakes. He’s been influenced by retired Rear Admiral Grace Hopper of the Navy, who claimed, “It is always easier to get forgiveness than to get permission.” Steve’s outlook is much the same. He has a readiness to risk.
Two of his favorite sayings betray his approach to life. One he terms the eleventh commandment: “Thou shalt not sweat it.” The other he places with the Beatitudes: “Blessed are those who have permission to change their minds.”
Once Steve devised a great system for assimilating newer people into the life of the church. He contacted two or three established couples who agreed to host regular dinner parties to which the new people would be invited. Each month several new folks would be enfolded. It sounded like a terrific idea.
However, it failed to weather the brainstorm. The hosts couldn’t find free nights in common with the newcomers. The visitors were not as willing to be assimilated as we had assumed. Rather than trying to make a foiled idea fly, Steve quickly admitted defeat and went on to some other approach. Because he was undaunted, I was too. Because he gave himself permission to fail, I’ve learned to give the same to others.
As long as you are working with people who know what success tastes like, you can give them the freedom to fall short. If you aren’t sure what a volunteer is capable of, delegate a task to her you can afford for her to mess up.
8. Regular time off. Whether they’re payroll-or cinnamon-rollrewarded workers, it doesn’t matter. Church work is people work, and people work leaves people pooped.
Sunday school teachers, encouraged to take the summer off from teaching are more inclined to re-up in the fall, refreshed, their emotional elastic back in shape. The same goes for volunteer custodial help, gardeners, greeters, or worship leaders. A breather is the best investment to guarantee a high-yield return.
9. Regular celebrations. At Crossroads, we look for reasons to have a party and seize the moment to recognize accomplishment.
It’s not a novel idea. They do it in the hair salon where I get my hair cut. Every season of the year is recognized by contests, displays, and wall hangings. Sometimes they even wear costumes to celebrate a special day or occasion. The team of hair cutters obviously enjoys working together.
Those who find reasons to blow trumpets or blow up balloons will laugh more, complain less, and trust each other to a greater degree. All it takes is keeping my ears to the ground for noteworthy achievements and seizing the day.
White-Knuckled Leadership
Several years ago while making a routine flight from Portland, Maine, to Boston, Henry Dempsey heard an unusual noise near the rear of his commuter aircraft.
Turning the controls over to his copilot, he walked to the back of the plane. As he reached the tail section, the plane hit an air pocket, and he was thrust against the rear door. Henry inadvertently discovered the source of the mysterious noise: the rear door had not been adequately latched. As the weight of Henry’s body fell against the door, it flew open, and the unsuspecting pilot was sucked out of the jet.
The copilot, detecting the open door on the instrument panel, radioed the nearest control tower, requesting permission to land, reporting that his colleague had fallen out of the plane.
Henry, however, had managed to grab the outdoor ladder at the rear of the plane. He clung to a rung with his bare hands while the plane maintained a speed of 200 miles per hour and descended from 4,000 feet.
Ten minutes later the jet landed. Henry’s head was a mere twelve inches off the tarmac. According to the newspaper report I read, prying his fingers from the ladder took airport personnel several minutes.
Holding on for Henry was a matter of life or death. Likewise, when the bumpiness of ministry threatens to toss me into an oblivion of wrecked schedules and misplaced priorities, I am wise to retain a grip, especially on the few key tasks that center around people ministry. If I let go of them, I’ve found I may not only have to let go of staff members, I essentially let go of productive ministry. When I failed to spend adequate time creating a spirit of unity with my associate Todd, the synergism of growth declined.
Benign neglect erodes the magnetic draw of our influence, and then we remain leaders in name only. As Christian management consultant Fred Smith has chided, “He who thinks he is leading and turns around to find nobody following him is simply out for a walk.”
Helping people work efficiently is no summer vacation. It is a year-long job, unpredictable as an August day in Seattle. The only predictable element is that it’s time intensive. As long as people are involved, people will be people, and prayers for patience will never be answered soon enough. As some pastor said, “The ministry would be a piece of cake if it wasn’t for people!”
Maybe so. But working with people and their unpredictable pain is ministry. And that’s why I’ll never pastor a perfect church, lead a perfect staff, or work a forty-hour week.
Copyright © 1993 by Christianity Today
