Maintain the Value of Compliments
Compliments are so valuable they should be used sparingly in order to remain valuable. Nothing was more disturbing to me than to be paired in a round of golf with an overly courteous individual who complimented my every shot—good, bad, and mediocre. He insulted my intelligence, as if I didn’t know when I had made a good or bad shot.
Charles Pitts was an excellent golfer who complimented only “a golf shot.” I can remember well on the ninth hole when I hit a ball with an eight iron—high over a tree—that landed reasonably close to the pin. He walked across the fairway, shook hands with me, and said, “That’s a golf shot.” He knew how to keep his compliments valuable.
If we overcompliment, we not only become a Pollyanna, we lose our authority to praise. Praise should be earned. It should be specific and come from someone who knows what he’s complimenting. General Maxwell Taylor said that you can cheapen yourself if you are too quick to give compliments. Compliments remain valuable when they have integrity and are given at the right time for the right reason.
The Care of Cockleburs
Someone said every dog needed a flea to remind him that he is a dog. Most organizations need what my mentor Maxey Jarman called “corporate cockleburs.”
Genesco had one of the best in Lou Sutley. Mr. Jarman put him on many of the operating committees just for his dissenting value. He was highly intelligent and saw the other side of most questions, which Maxey felt should be looked at even though doing so was unpleasant. Once I was chairing a meeting in which Lou punctured several sacred balloons. I became so frustrated that I went to see Mr. Jarman in a huff and threatened not to sit in another meeting with Lou. Mr. Jarman smiled and said, “He evidently is doing his job well. He’s the corporate cocklebur. We need him.” Valuable cockleburs are scarce and should be carefully cultivated.
Intelligent opposition dedicated to the cause may by disagreeing with us energize an integrity and courage that we can use to accomplish the mandate for our organization.
Faith or Folly?
There is a marked difference between scriptural faith and foolish assumptions. Wise faith responds to the promises and principles of Scripture. Folly faith is fueled by human desire, generally rationalized by deceptive proof-texting.
A few years ago, I was teaching a Presbyterian Sunday school class on David. I pointed out that he carried the five stones because as a good entrepreneur he didn’t want to be undercapitalized. I opined that he knew if he missed Goliath with the first one, he certainly had a better than even chance of getting him with one out of the five, considering his skill. A dear lady confronted me after the class saying, “That can’t be right. You never fail when you’re working for God.”
“What about Stephen?” I asked. All the martyrs were working for God.
When we abuse prayer, we are practicing faith folly. Too often prayer does not enter into the setting of our goals nearly as much as it does in the attaining of them. Better to seek God’s will in the setting than to ask him to bless the accomplishment. We should pour prayer over our human efforts like sauce over meat.
Who Sets Our Priority?
Years ago, Dick Halverson, former Senate chaplain, and I conducted a retreat for laypeople. He gave me great freedom when he said, “Do you realize that Christ did not have a daily planner? He simply went about doing good. When the woman with the sickness stopped him as he was going to raise the dead, he simply took care of it. He didn’t say, ‘Wait a minute. I’m on my way to raise the dead and that’s more important than stopping your issue of blood.’ He simply used each opportunity to do good. When we believe that God engineers our circumstances, he sets our priority.”
As I get older I have come to a better perspective on how God engineers our circumstances. When I was young, I was a great planner. I still believe in planning organizational activities. However, I’ve learned to leave a flexibility in my spiritual service. Now I see instances that seemed insignificant at the time that were actually tremendously significant. A conversation with someone at the time might mean little yet might change a life.
I had breakfast with a young professional and gave him one thought, which he wrote down. Later he told me, “That re-vectored my life.”
Use and Abuse of Humor
For years I’ve studied the serious use of humor. I once asked Malcolm Muggeridge if there had ever been a book written about it and he said yes—there were two, and both were dreary because the men writing failed to have a sense of humor. Most books about humor end up as joke books and not about the use of humor.
We all recognize humor as a relief from hostility and rising tempers. Humor can be the softest of soft answers. Humor can be a coagulating agent for diverse groups in an audience. It is often used to give a psychological break when sustained thinking becomes tired.
There are many misuses of humor. I’ll mention only three. First is the person who tells a story as if it happened to him. Since most people in the audience have likely heard the story many times before from many different people, such a tack not only decreases the effect of the story but impinges on the integrity of the teller.
Second, using too much humor causes listeners to wait for the next laugh and thus ignore the serious part of the talk. Laughs generally are much more appreciated than thoughts by the average person. That is evidenced in our society being saturated with entertainment.
Third, our humor should be theologically correct. I doubt we should ever laugh about hell or immorality. I’ve seen cartoons in Christian publications that were contrary to their stated theological beliefs.
Humor should illustrate a basic principle more than it should be decorative. The more we see good humor in human situations, the more they serve as excellent illustrations. Another important use of humor is to lubricate the needle. Some are so gifted in the use of humor that several minutes after we are away from them, we realize we were inoculated by truth with a needle lubricated with healthy humor.
Consistency Is Vital
Followers basically want to align with their leader, but they must have a clear idea of how to do it. The leader’s consistency is the answer.
An inconsistent leader confuses his followers. This creates a vacuum of leadership in which the aggressive go off on their own while the majority become immobilized, not knowing what to do for fear of making a mistake. A psychiatrist told me, “Be sure your employees know what makes you smile and what makes you frown. Be consistent. Always smile at the same thing and frown at the same thing, so your people know how to make you smile and how to avoid your frown. Employees feel secure when they know they are helping the boss to smile.”
The False Test of Spiritual Endeavors
Recently I attended a Guideposts seminar on “The Power of Positive Thinking in Business.” One attendee was a bright executive, vice-president of a large corporation. During the break she wanted to visit with me, because she’d heard of my having mentored executives.
In our conversation, she mentioned, “I used to be a Methodist, but now I’m all-out New Age, and it works for me.” She said it with such emphasis, conviction, and triumph that I wanted to learn more of her story, but the break ended. Often I have heard leaders claim God’s blessings on their efforts because “it works.” Many times we rationalize a questionable method as practical because “it works.”
But is “working” the real test of spiritual endeavors?
A friend, Warren Hultgren, once pointed out to me that “working” isn’t the perfect test, for Moses struck the rock twice and it worked. That is, water came out—but he was kept from the Promised Land. Our nonscriptural human methods might work, but do they keep us from entering the “Promised Land” of peace and joy?
Sincerity in Communication
When we want to communicate, we must accept our responsibility to use language the other understands. Non-believers, particularly those without a Christian background in church or family, hear many of our revered standard phrases as pious babble. Even our tone of voice turns them off. We have adopted the seminary brogue so widely that when surfing the TV, we can tell a sermon by only a word or two.
Using “blessed hope” and “saved” means a lot to those who have it and are, but nothing to those outside the Christian community. We must have enough passion to communicate that we learn the language of those outside our ranks and then use it meaningfully. In Mexico, I find myself frustrated by the inability of its people to understand English rather than by my inability to speak Spanish. Comically, I find myself talking louder and repeating myself more as if repetition and volume could create understanding.
Within the Christian community, sincerity of communication must be a hallmark; we must be careful not to use our assumed personal connection with God as a persuasion tool.
Healthy Attrition
A certain attrition rate in aspiring leadership is healthy. The Army has 7 percent, the Marines 14, and some of the drill sergeants think it should be as high as 25. “Beware of him of whom all men speak well” should apply to our leadership—not that we go out to disqualify people, but we should not maintain people who disqualify themselves, either by lack of character or gifts.
I started out as a voice student hoping to make the opera. Fortunately, I had an honest teacher who one morning after a lesson said, “Fred, you have everything to be a successful singer except talent. You can’t make it. Don’t waste your life trying.” He was so right and so courageous. He blessed me with his honesty. I went into business where I had a talent. Remember what Spurgeon told his young students: “Young man, if you can’t speak, you weren’t called to preach.”
Breaking Psychological Barriers
Roger Bannister did more than run the first four-minute mile in history. He broke a psychological barrier. Almost immediately, others started doing what had never been done before. They, too, ran the mile in under four minutes. Training couldn’t account for that; there wasn’t that much time between when he broke the record and when others also began running under four minutes.
Leaders need to recognize and break psychological barriers for their people. The greatest barrier I have seen in the church is: “The deeper life is not for me. Only a few are caught in the web of his grace.”
Successful Timing
Proper timing is part feel and part logic. I was walking through a West Coast manufacturing plant with the president when he surprised me by saying, “The most important ability of a leader is timing.”
Being in the right place at the right time often determines success. This isn’t just luck (particularly for Calvinists).
Our emotions have a lot to do with our timing. If we are too anxious, we may fire someone too early. If we are afraid, we wait too long. My experience is that many more miss proper timing by being late than by being early. Fear of making a mistake is the culprit.
Genesco was thinking to start a public-relations program in New York. Maxey Jarman and I were having dinner with the public-relations executives, listening to their proposition. Afterward, walking down Fifth Avenue, he asked me what I thought. I told him I felt I needed more information before making a decision. He said, “Specifically what information do you need? I think you’re just procrastinating.” I said, “You’re right. I’m scared of spending that much money.”
I never forgot the question Maxey asked me. I’ve re-worked it into three words: “Why not now?”
Listening to the Spirit
I was speaking one night at the Shrine Auditorium in Los Angeles to six thousand sales executives. I knew there was an hour-long cocktail party beforehand, so I figured I would need a quick way to connect with the audience. I knew some wonderful stories, slightly off-color, that would grab the group’s attention and generate a big laugh. However, I didn’t feel comfortable using them.
As I paced my hotel room, I bowed my head and said, “Lord, I won’t do it, and if during my presentation the time seems right to give a witness I’ll do it.”
About halfway into my talk I sensed a little hiatus, a transition, a sense of “now.” I said only a few words about my faith, but a holy hush came over the crowd. I knew something had happened.
They stood and applauded and recalled me to the platform, but I didn’t feel worthy to go. I knew I hadn’t done it alone.
For the “Old Man” or the “New Man”
Sometimes Christians ask me if I think psychology can be used with integrity in Christian situations. My answer is yes, provided you start with a firm understanding of what the new birth is and what it means to be a new creature in Christ.
There should be a difference in the way a Christian and a non-Christian approach psychology. The overriding question for the Christian is whether psychology is being used to develop what the apostle Paul called the “new man” or whether it is being used to revitalize the “old man” and make him more comfortable.
People like to have the old man made comfortable. They receive comfort from hearing of a God of love, an em-pathetic, caring counselor kind of God, a Santa Claus God, a God to whom you can quote, “Ask whatever you want,” and get it. That is not prayer based on redemption but on greed.
When we make the old man comfortable, we deceive our listeners and sacrifice their welfare to our own desire for comfort.
Joy in Sacrifice
Christians should know the joy of giving as well as the need for giving. We give to satisfy our need to give, to respond to God for what he has given us. Giving cleanses our conscience.
I learned this lesson from my father, who was financially abused by the churches he served. He never made more than $3,000 a year, and yet he taught me to tithe. Not only did my dad tithe on his gross income, he gave a gift above the tithe. I’ve never forgotten his example. When I was making six dollars a week I tithed sixty cents. That made it easier to give when my income was in six figures.
There is a level beyond obedience in giving. It’s joy. Once we feel the joy of giving, we have received the blessing of giving. I can’t explain it, but there is a connection between joy and sacrifice.
Creating Thirst
Dr. Howard Rome, the psychiatrist, once told me, “You don’t understand motivation until you understand thirst. Motivation is satisfying a thirst.”
With this insight I began to observe that many pastors present water to nonthirsty members. The person who doesn’t want to understand Scripture doesn’t listen even to the best teaching. Horses that are not thirsty can’t be made to drink. Pastors who are thirsty to teach the Bible must find listeners who are thirsty to hear it. We must first recognize the lack of thirst and the need to create it before we give someone the satisfaction, which will then be gladly received.
Everyone is Motivated
We use the word “motivation” as if it were only forward motion at various speeds. This is a wrong understanding of motivation.
Those who are doing nothing are motivated to do nothing. Those who are active are motivated to be active. To motivate people who are motivated to do nothing, we have to overcome the first motivation in order to get them in a forward movement. I was told by a corporate president who manufactured railroad engines that the biggest problem was harnessing enough power to start the train rolling. Aircraft designers have to build enough power into plane engines to break the pull of gravity before they can power the flight itself.
As leaders we need to recognize that inertia is a motivation, not simply the lack of it.
Tongue Management
In Scripture the tongue is referred to as fire, one of the greatest discoveries of mankind. By it we do many things. Yet unmanaged it becomes one of the most destructive. The management of the tongue starts with the management of the heart, for out of the heart the tongue speaks.
For the tongue to have freedom, the soul must have purity. It must be purged of pride, greed, hostility, or the poison of the heart will come out of the mouth.
Harvesting Your Mental Activity
We would hardly think of growing wheat without garnering it or tending fruit trees without picking the fruit, yet so much of the harvest of our mental activity is lost because we lack a system for retaining it or warehousing it.
For many years, I have kept a dictation machine nearby, supplemented by pen and paper, to record what I see, hear, observe, think, and read. I record stories, phrases, metaphors, thoughts that need additional exploration, beautiful definitions, and well-turned phrases. I have been doing this for more than sixty years. I not only collect what I believe but what opposes my belief, for I think opposition is helpful to our thought processes. It is said that writers see more, I think perceive would be a better word, for perception comes in so many different ways.
Not only does recording assure retention, but it correctly remembers. Practice gives us the ability to see and hear much more accurately.
Former Senate chaplain Dick Halverson at the first of every year made fifty files for the Sundays he would preach. This meant he had someplace to file everything he ran across. He sorted once, not fifty times.
Treating the Wealthy With Love
The Book of James tells us not to treat the rich any differently than the poor, yet I’ll guarantee you a known millionaire can’t go to a church where he isn’t courted. Such attitudes coward money can seriously erode a leader’s integrity.
Better to say to the rich person, “I have a scriptural injunction not to be influenced by your wealth. I know that in all areas of life wealth is power. It receives respect. It is catered to, even in the church. But I know you want me to be a person of integrity, and if I am, then I’ve got to treat you as just another member. I’m interested in your soul much more than I am in your wealth. If you see me treating you differently than others, would you be kind enough to remind me of my responsibility to you?”
I must also say to this person, “Now, my treating you the same as every other member does not decrease your responsibility to give according to your wealth. If I preach tithing, I have to preach tithing to you.”
Before I could say such a thing, however, I would need to earn my right to talk to him. I would want him to know I’m interested in him as a person. Then I could say to him with integrity, “If you ever went broke, you would be just as important in the church as you are today. Your wealth does not display or affect God’s love for you.”
The wealthy person needs this kind of honesty and love.
The Value of “I Don’t Know”
Recently a wealthy young man came to me with some problems in an area beyond my expertise. After listening a bit, I said, “I have no experience with what you’re talking about.”
“You have an opinion, don’t you?” he responded. I said, “I would hope I’m considerate enough not to give you an opinion in an area in which I have no knowledge. I’d like my opinion to be worth something, and I have no opinion that is worth anything regarding your situation.”
He was disappointed, but I felt good about my response. I was afraid that if I gave him my opinion, because of his respect for me he would have taken it as advice.
There are times I say to myself, in effect, I don’t belong in this situation. I can’t let someone’s disappointment or my ego throw me off course. Integrity demands I stay with the things I can do and do well.
How many times have you asked directions from someone who didn’t know but wouldn’t admit he didn’t know? His ego and ignorance sent you on a wild goose chase.
Fred Smith, Sr., is a noted author, speaker, and management consultant who has been advising and mentoring leaders for sixty years. A recipient of the Lawrence Appley Award of the American Management Association, he has lectured internationally on the philosophy of leadership and has been awarded two honorary doctorates. He has served as chair of four national ministry boards, including Youth for Christ and Key Life.
Copyright © 1998 Fred Smith, Sr.
