Listen

Just before he died, Jesus told his followers to “go and make disciples” (Matthew 28:19).

I’ve noticed that different people interpret what that means in different ways. Some seem to think it means just getting people to convert to Christianity, to start a relationship with Christ. The church I grew up in put quite an emphasis on the conversion experience, which usually had to be preceded by convincing someone to believe in Jesus. This is not a bad thing, but I think there needs to be more to it than just that. If we simply want to convince those we minister to that they ought to believe certain things, we limit the work Jesus could do in their life, and in ours.

As someone who ministers to children, you are responding to Jesus’ call to make disciples. But how can we do that in a way that actually works? In a way that builds not only the faith of those we lead, but our own faith as well? Is that even possible? Yes, it is—if we can learn how to listen.

Jesus told his followers to make disciples, baptize them, and “teach them to obey everything I have commanded you.” And what was his greatest command? “Love God and love others.” That’s not just starting a relationship. That’s keeping it going.

To teach people to love, you can’t just tell them they ought to love. You have to love them, to teach by example. So to me, the most effective way to make disciples is not to argue with them or merely convince them that you are right but to listen to them.

When you minister to children, you come alongside them. You hear their story, and find God at work in their story. Seeing God at work will, if you let it, build your faith and trust in Him. And then, if you can share what you observe with those you minister to, by saying something like, “It sounds like God really took care of you in that situation,” or “God seems to be showing you his love through that friendship,” you will build the faith of those you lead as well. By simply listening, you will be discipling them.

God is at work in the hearts of all people, even small children, even before they are aware of it. If a child hasn’t identified that presence as God, the beginning of discipleship is to help that child notice the activity of God in everyday experience.

A few days before he died, Jesus told his followers, “Because I have said these things, you are filled with grief. But I tell you the truth: It is for your good that I am going away. Unless I go away, the Counselor will not come to you; but if I go, I will send him to you” (John 15:6,7). The word we translate as “Counselor” is, in the Greek, Paraclete. It means someone who comes alongside. (We get words like parallel and paraphrase from the same root.) Paraclete—God who comes alongside us. Which is what a good counselor does—comes alongside us and walks with us, listens, and guides. Jesus was talking about the Spirit, which comes alongside us and lives in us, listening and guiding us.

Just as the Spirit comes alongside us, we can love others by coming alongside them. How? By being compassionate. The word compassion comes from two Latin words, cum and pati, which point to the word’s meaning, “to suffer with.”

If we are led by the Spirit, we will increasingly imitate God and become people who are filled with “come-alongside-ness.” That is, we listen to God and people and then come into their story, get involved with them enough that we can point out where God is in their story and allow them to do that for us as well. When we are full of come-alongside-ness, we will be willing to walk with people through their pain; we will listen before we try to fix. We will be with people. In our ministry, we have ample opportunity to do this. We also need to connect with peers, so we can learn and pray and encourage each other to grow in our faith. Because when we listen compassionately, we minister to others, but we are also ministered to. God speaks to us through them.

Now, I am not always as compassionate as I’d like. But listening helps my compassion grow.

Other people—even children—are in that process, too. Sometimes “coming alongside” means listening as someone confesses weakness or mistakes or just hearing the person’s point of view. Sometimes it means just giving them a place to share. It usually requires that we pay attention, not just to the situation being described at that moment but to the person’s whole story—or at least as much as we know of it. Knowing where God has been in that story up to now will often give us clues about the best way to be compassionate.

And as people who minister to children, isn’t that what we are called to do? To come alongside, to listen, to love as Christ would love? And as we do so, becoming more like Him?

Adapted from Listen: Finding God in the Story of Your Life by Keri Wyatt Kent. (April 2006, $19.95, Cloth) by permission of Jossey-Bass, a Wiley imprint. Keri Wyatt Kent is an author and speaker whose ministry focuses on spiritual formation. Learn more at www.keriwyattkent.com.