I was cleaning up the living room, picking up newspapers and throwing toys into the toy box, muttering about how many pairs of shoes were on the floor instead of in the closet. As I pulled out the vacuum, my three-year-old looked up from where she was playing with her little brother and said, “Who’s coming over, Mommy?”
She assumed (based on previous experiences) that we only cleaned when we expected company. It was a logical deduction for her to make, even though—on that particular day—I was simply longing for a little order.
St. Catherine of Sienna once said, “Make for yourself … one actual home … and another spiritual home, which thou art to carry with thee always.” Quaint language aside, I think St. Kate is on to something. I spend a lot of time making my actual home, doing everything from home improvements to scrubbing toilets. But what do I do to maintain this spiritual home inside myself?
My spiritual home is my true home, the place where I am most truly myself, my soul. It’s the core of who I am. And like my physical home, it requires some attention to make it all it can be.
Perhaps you think of your spiritual home as a place you visit on occasion, or a place where you have to keep things in very careful and restrained order. Your ministry, your volunteerism, may provide some spiritual shelter. But can you “carry with thee always” a place like that?
In The Ragamuffin Gospel, Brennan Manning wrote, “Home is that sacred space—external or internal—where we don’t have to be afraid; where we are confident of hospitality and love.” While leadership and serving can be a part of that home, the foundation for your spiritual home is your relationship with God and with yourself. When you know God’s love, you can accept yourself, you can begin to build and furnish a spiritual home with relationships that are also accepting and affirming.
Feeling at home with yourself begins with knowing yourself: your opinions, your likes and dislikes, your interests—and then getting to a place where you can give that self hospitality and love without fear.
How? Consider these questions: If you had some time away from the obligations of work, ministry, family—what would you enjoy doing? Do you even know yourself well enough to answer? Do you actually make time to do the things you enjoy?
Do you have friendships that nurture you? Do you read or meditate on things that make you think, that comfort you or turn you toward loving others? The things you give attention to and take time to ponder, will have some sort of impact—for better or worse—on your spiritual home.
Caring for yourself, choosing to be loving or forgiving, is spiritual home improvement. But nursing grudges or constantly berating yourself with negative self-talk will eventually leave your spiritual home in uncomfortable disarray.
I don’t know about you, but my soul is not always full of sweetness and light. Sometimes there is anger, sadness, and even a wondering: Do I matter? Does God care about me? But being at home with myself means recognizing that this doubting side, this wounded side, is just as much a part of my spiritual home as the bright and wondrous feelings. When I have a bad day or when I feel misunderstood or frustrated; that’s not less spiritual. It’s simply how my spirit is, and sometimes the best thing I can do is accept who I am at this moment. If I’m open to having God meet me in the middle of the mess, He will.
Like a physical house, the messiness in my spiritual home often results from neglect. Sometimes, as leaders, we neglect our souls in an attempt to take care of others.
For me, time alone spent reading, taking a walk, or writing in a journal nurtures my soul and helps me to feel at home with myself. But when such time gets crowded out, my spiritual home looks a little messy.
Being at home with yourself means finding a place where you can be honest in your spirit: with yourself, first, then with others and even with God. That honesty will make your spiritual home a place where you can know and even accept yourself, and begin to accept the love of others.
Copyright 2006 Keri Wyatt Kent. Keri is a freelance writer and speaker, and the author of Listen: Finding God in the Story of Your Life. Learn more at www.keriwyattkent.com. This column is adapted from an article that originally appeared in the November 2003 issue of MomSense magazine.
Copyright © 2006 Promiseland.
