Leader's Insight: When Lay Leaders Leave

You’ve had those weeks, haven’t you?

On Sunday a once vibrant young couple confides that the hour-long commute from the town where their teaching jobs have taken them has been slowly draining their energy and unplugging them from the close connections they once enjoyed in the area of ministry where they have volunteered. They’ve decided to bloom where they are planted, which means in the rich soil of another (larger) church body.

On Monday an e-mail that nearly melts your monitor suggests (okay, insists) that one of your church’s preschool caregivers isn’t theologically deep enough to shepherd their two-year-old and they are moving their family of five to a greener pasture complete with really deep sheep. The adults in this family had volunteered in the preschool area on a rotating basis.

On Tuesday you discover that one of your emerging lay leaders has demonstrated such skill that he has emerged himself into a new job—in another state.

On Wednesday you hear from a lady whose cantankerous, antagonistic, verbally abusive husband hasn’t warmed up to the men in the church.

You’re afraid to get out of bed on Thursday.

Our Initial (Over)Reaction

And if (more likely when) you’ve had one of those weeks, have you indulged yourself in a loud, defensive, one-way conversation with God that sounds something like …

“But God, seriously, where’s the commitment level these days? Back when I was in college and serving in a part-time ministry position, I drove more than one hour, each way, in blinding blizzards …

“And c’mon, how deep do you have to be to sing ‘Jesus Loves Me’ to toddlers? Is it fair for people to expect a doctoral degree to teach the finger motions to ‘Itsy Bitsy Spider’ …

“Besides that, the visitation team of The Apostle Peter, Paul, and Jesus’ own mother probably couldn’t have reached mean old what’s-his-name. The three times he did show up at church in the past two years, all he did was complain: ‘Music was too contemporary, the chairs were too uncomfortable, the sermon was too filled with Scripture … ‘”

What Did Jesus Do?

One of the (many) times I have fumed my way through a lay leaving week, after venting a Venti-sized cup of frustration, I happened to read in the Good Book I say I live by that Jesus endured quite a number of lay leavings too. After reading about the time Jesus challenged his twelve closest leaders by asking, “You do not want to leave too, do you?” I was quickly reminded (by his Spirit, I believe) that I am not Jesus and it would be presumptuous for me to insist that people in our congregation remain loyal to me, when what I have tried to preach for the past umpteen years is that they remain, above all else, loyal to Christ, wherever he leads them.

Another ministry-minded fellow named William Beausay II wrote about a Jesus who knew the frustrations of leadership. Beausay said, “Some followers remained loyal, whereas others became traitors, snitches, backstabbers, hobnobbers, and wannabes. He realized that people can run hot for you, then very cold. Leadership relationships constantly churn and change.”

Okay, I thought. I get it. Jesus knows my pain. That’s great. But how did he deal with it? I mean, what kept him in the race when it seemed like everyone else was dropping out or switching teams?

Beausay answered my question in the very next paragraph:

“Jesus and his message never wavered through these changes. He spoke the truth from his heart and in the spirit of love and redemption, whether he was cooking fish on a charcoal beach fire with friends or addressing thousands on the side of a mountain. Same man, same message.

“If he felt hassled or irritated by the inevitable ins and outs of his ministry, he rarely complained. He seemed to discuss his irritations privately with his Father. The next time you’re feeling like a lay leadership loser, try praying all night.”*

Ah. So there it is then. My action plan. Keep speaking the truth, from Scripture and from the heart. Keep working hard on developing relationships with the ones who haven’t left. Keep taking my concerns to the Father by praying, all night if necessary.

That’s a pretty good prescription for Lay Leaving Lividity. Having followed that Rx a few times, I’m reminded that with every leaving there’s usually a new arrival just around the corner. At the beginning of summer I start to wonder, with some excitement, what our church body will look like by September. It won’t be the same as it is now. Guaranteed. But after seeing how Jesus handled the leavings in his life, that’s okay with me.

Clark Cothern pastors Living Water Community Church, Ypsilanti, MI.

* “The Lay Leadership Skills of Jesus”, by William Beausay II, LifeWay.com. Beausay II is the author of The People Skills of Jesus: Ancient Wisdom for Modern Business (Thomas Nelson, 1997).

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