According to our research, teenagers today are the most unreached people for Christ in the nation. Less than 10 percent of America’s youths have accepted Christ as their Lord and Savior. Our research team has interviewed hundreds of young people. In the course of these interviews we came to understand and appreciate them even more.
Among the many areas where we learned so much, perhaps the most revealing was hearing about their fears.
There are two basic reasons churches today do not reach youth. The first is that they simply do not try to reach young people with the gospel. There is no intentionality. The second is that many leaders and laypersons do not understand youths. It is my prayer that this brief background will help you understand teens better and thus have a greater passion to reach them.
In this article, I look at the 10 greatest fears of our young people.
Fear # 10: “I will never have a happy marriage and family.”
A majority of youths do not believe they will have an intact and “good” family when they reach adulthood. One of the greatest desires for their future is a good home life. Among the youths we surveyed, 73 percent believe that children of divorced parents have more problems than children of non-divorced parents.
Among their clearly articulated desires, having one marriage partner for life was near the top. And most of the youths we surveyed expressed a deep need to have a spouse and children within a few years. But they fear that the trends of culture mean that very few of them will see these desires fulfilled.
Fear # 9: “Someone I know or love will die of AIDS (maybe me!).”
For the teens of today, AIDS is not some distant problem known only through the evening news. To the contrary, the disease is ever-present in the minds of these young people. And though a superficial discussion may not uncover this fear, our interviews confirmed their numerous concerns about the disease.
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The American Board of Family Practice discovered this fear when asking youths to cite their greatest concerns for the future. Among the top five concerns was the fear of AIDS, specifically someone close to them getting AIDS.
Not only are the youths fearful of AIDS for the future of their nation and world, they fear the disease infecting someone in their families. Almost every teenager we surveyed had knowledge of someone in his or her school, church, neighborhood, or community getting the dreaded disease. For this generation, AIDS is a real and present danger getting ever closer to them and their families.
I remember well a discussion with a 17-year-old male who seemed extremely agitated about AIDS.
“I’ve got this buddy that really gets around. I bet he’s had sex with 10 to 12 girls in the past year,” the young man commented. “What are the chances that he’s been infected? How soon before he notices something is wrong? Can he be tested for AIDS? If he has it, how long before he dies?”
I had little doubt of the identity of the young man’s “friend.” He was sitting across from me in the interview.
Fear # 8: “I feel like I have to have sex to be accepted.”
This fear was particularly prevalent among the female teenagers, where two-thirds of the adolescent girls feared the pressure to have sex. The pressure came from different sources, but the most commonly mentioned source was boyfriends or dates. But other sources of pressure were almost as great.
These youths were perceptive enough to realize that the media contributed to an ethos which says premarital sex is fun, good and expected. Indeed the media have convinced many parents, politicians, and educators that premarital teen sex is inevitable. These adults therefore urge “safe sex” rather than abstinence.
Sexual pressure is not limited to young females. Over one-half of the male teenagers cited sexual pressure as one of their greatest fears. Repeatedly in focus groups, I heard both boys and girls cry out for boundaries from the adult world. But most of the teens reported a dearth of such guidelines and discipline in their homes, schools, and even their churches.
The facts about young people and sex seem to confirm the fears of teens. The average age for first-time intercourse for girls is 15; the boys’ average is 14. Three-fourths of them will have sex by their senior year of high school. Forty percent of 14-year-old girls today will become pregnant at least once before they turn twenty years old.
Youths further fear sexually transmitted diseases (STDs). Just 20 years ago there were only four known types of STDs. Today there are over 30. Mostyoung peopletoday know a friend or acquaintance who has had an STD.
Fear # 7: “I cannot find time to do everything.”
The youths of today may be the busiest generation in America’s history. Life is getting exceedingly complicated for them. They are busier than ever with extracurricular activities, community involvement, work, and responsibilities at home, especially if both parents work.
One of the key reasons teens are so busy is that they have so many choices. They have more choices in sports, more choices in recreation, more choices in school, and even more choices in church. But these teens have shown little discernment in making choices. Often they refuse to say “no” to any option; the result is frustration and sometimes burnout.
One 14-year-old girl explained it this way: “Mom wants me to be involved in a lot of activities at school. She wants me to take college prep courses. And of course she wants me to be involved in church. But she works a lot, so I have to clean house, cook, and baby-sit.” I asked this girl how she felt right now. Her response was concise but clear: “Tired, real tired.”
Fear # 6: “I can’t tell right from wrong.”
One of the distinguishing features of youths today is their inability to tell right from wrong. And many of them know they do not know. Fifty-six percent of female teens and 61 percent of male teens think their generation has a serious problem because they have no sense of right and wrong.
Teenagers are confused. Not only do the majority of them admit that they have difficulty discerning right from wrong; they also say that such concepts as right and wrong are elusive and situational. With this type of mindset, what then can we anticipate from this generation as they lead us in the twenty-first century?
Fear # 5: “Peer pressure scares me.”
Peer pressure is nothing new. Every generation faces challenges and pressures from people whom they loosely identify as friends. Paul is a 14-year-old from Tennessee. His peers see him as a likeable and friendly person. Most of them do not see Paul as one who would yield to peer pressure for wrongful acts.
“I guess I have kept my nose clean,” Paul responds. “Other than some minor things, I’ve never really been in trouble.” One of the girls in the focus group asks Paul if it is easy to say “no” to his friends when they try to get him to do something he knows is wrong.
“Easy? Hardly. I don’t like being made fun of. I don’t like being called a wimp. But you know what really bothers me? I’m afraid that one day I won’t say no. The pressure is just so incredible.”
Fear # 4: “I (or someone I know) will be a victim of violence or crime.”
The youths of today are the most violent generation in America’s history. They are the victims or criminals in a growing trend of violence. In 1950 the rate of 14- to 17-year-old who been arrested for a felony was four per 1,000. Today it has increased over 30 times to 118 per 1,000.
Many youths live in fear. Among boys, one in three carries a weapon with the intention of using it if necessary. Each year over a million secondary school teachers are threatened with physical violence and over 5,000 are actually physically assaulted.
The violence portrayed in the media seems to have a paradoxical effect on young people. The ever-present scenes of violent acts and gory incidents lower the level of sensitivity to violence in the real world. Meanwhile, the deluge of violence on television and in the movies engenders a fear among teens that “it might happen to me.”
Fear # 3: “I will not be able to make it financially.”
When my three sons were still living at home, I asked my oldest son, Sam, to tell me some of his greatest fears or worries. The worry he immediately mentioned was the ability to make it financially once he got on his own.
That response surprised me. My boys had been raised in a middle-class home where they were rarely deprived materially. Though their complete wish list was probably not fulfilled, I cannot say the any of my sons were lacking in their material needs. Where did he find this fear?
“Dad,” my son responded, “there are no guarantees out in the world. A college degree does not mean that you’ll get a good job. And if you get a good job, you may not get to keep it.”
Sam’s words were representative of many of the youths we interviewed. Over the course of several months of focus groups and interviews, we discovered the vast majority of those to whom we spoke fit one of the following situations:
- One of their parents was presently and involuntarily unemployed.
- One of their parents worked in a manufacturing or other blue-collar position where the workforce was being trimmed significantly.
- One of their parents held a middle-management position where downsizing was taking place.
- They had close friends who fit well any one of the above scenarios.
Teenagers are clearly worried about their economic future. Even those in financially comfortable homes today are concerned that they will be able to have such a lifestyle when they reach adulthood. This younger generation may live in a material world, but they doubt their own ability to continue in that world in the near future.
Fear # 2: “I can’t get a good education.”
Researchers speak with unanimity about teenagers’ view of the value of education. Three-fourths of the youths of today fear that they will not get a good education. Many fear that they cannot get into college and, if they can, they worry about how they will finance their education. And over half of the young people today worry about taking the ACT or SAT exam.
Why are teens worried about a good education? This fear ties directly to the previous fear. A good education, the youths believe, will lead to a good job which will provide a good income. In other words, the fear is primarily financial.
The youths of today are realists about the economic value of a college degree. They believe the degree is the ticket out of poverty or financial mediocrity. Over 80 percent of the teens say that they intend to go to college to get a better job and to make more money. They do not want to be a part of the economic have-nots. It seems that in this world of moral and family uncertainty, the youth think their only path to happiness may be found in the material world.
Fear # 1: “Something bad may happen to my family.”
Teenagers are growing up in the midst of the highest rates of divorce ever. More children are living in single parent homes than ever before. It should be no surprise then that teens fear something bad happening to their families.
Amy is a 14-year-old from Florida. Her parents have been married seventeen years, but she fears that the marriage will not last.
“You should hear my parents fighting,” she laments. “Sometimes I feel like they love each other, but they scream and threaten to divorce. One of these days they’ll probably go through with it.”
How does Amy feel about this possibility?
“It scares me to death,” she responds softly. “Where would I live? Would we have enough money? Would I see both Mom and Dad? Would I have to spend time in two homes? What about my friends? Yeah, it scares me to death.”
Teens fear the breakup of their families. Their fears are well founded.
To Understand, Not to Depress
We are presenting this information on the youth of America not to offer depressing information, but to help Christians understand the fears of these young people. And by better understanding them, we can be better equipped to reach out to them in the name and love of Christ, their only hope.
Thom S. Rainer is dean of the Billy Graham School at Southern Baptist Theological Seminary in Louisville, Ky. The author of 16 books, he also serves as president of the Rainer Group and Church Central Associates.
Copyright © 2003 by Dr. Thom Rainer. Used by permission. www.ChurchCentral.com