By definition, addictions occur when sin rules us. Many men sin by being poorly disciplined sexually. For those who are truly sex addicts, lust is in control. The nature of sin is to fight, hide, and deceive to remain in control. Addicts are self-deceived by their sin, believing they do control their sin and that the cost is minimal.
While trying to control sexual sin, the sex addict will typically hide their acting-out behavior (masturbation, pornography, hiring prostitutes, multiple affairs, and so on). The guilt and shame of their behavior will also prompt them to be deceptive, hiding from themselves and others.
All of these may be outward signs of a hidden sin:
- Depression
- Irritability
- Increased time alone
- Hiding finances
- Becoming protective of information on a computer or cell phone
- Increased distance (emotional, sexual, physical) from a spouse and other close friends and relatives
Unfortunately, each of these signs also indicates other underlying problems. Because sin is powerful, the addiction may not be visible until God decides to reveal it.
The key to battling sexual addiction is not by identifying the hidden sin in someone. We are most successful in combating sin when we create a church community that fosters intentional accountability relationships. Sin is more powerful than any of us alone; it is only when we join together in Christ that we can break the power of sins like lust.
