Turning 40 meant admitting I’m no longer a “miss;” I’m a “ma’am.” A hot date with my husband now consists of his-and-her chiropractor appointments. I wear Sagamore-brand separates because, frankly, I do. I get zits and wrinkles. Even my deodorant has a moisturizer in it. So what was there to celebrate about The Big 4-0?
Oh, my friends celebrated. They surprised me with a cake decorated with a tombstone. Others sent me dead roses and black balloons. They wrapped up Ex-Lax and Super Poli-Grip in ominous “Over-the-Hill” gift paper.
My family knew they’d better watch themselves, or they would have eaten their last hot meal. So they gave me a box of chocolate turtles and my annual mysterious kitchen implement. The children smirked as they sang “Happy Birthday,” but diplomatically avoided the “How old are you?” verse. My husband, Steve, told me I was more beautiful than when he married me (thankfully, he’s always been delusional). I was relieved when the hoopla died down.
The truth is, after I turned 40, I felt as though the “good old days” were gone. I’ve had to say hello to clothing with waistbands cut above the waist, waistbands cut below the waist, waistbands cut anywhere but at the waist. My jeans, like my skin, are definitely a “relaxed fit.” I wistfully recall the days when I wore a svelte Little Black Dress to parties (sigh). Now I wear a Big Black Dress.
“She is clothed with strength and dignity,” I read about the woman. “She can laugh at the days to come.” Laugh? I was more into whining … until God convinced me there is something to celebrate about growing older. In fact, as I studied the Bible, I was surprised to find he had exciting ideas for people over 40, such as Sarah, Abraham, Caleb, Anna, Elizabeth, Zechariah, the apostle Paul, and the apostle John. In my “old” age I finally discovered three things to celebrate about life after 40:
There’s a plan for us!
I feared life after 40 might consist of sagging, bagging, and dragging until death. I raised some great excuses to God about why I could no longer be used by him. I reminded him how Brain Drain had set in: On a good day, I can remember two out of three of my children’s names; twice this week, I’ve tried to unlock the wrong green minivan in the Kmart parking lot. “How can you speak of some new plan for me?” I asked God.
Yet when God appeared to Moses in the burning bush, Moses probably had written off the remainder of his life, too. After all, he’d spent decades doing nothing more inspiring than sharpening his sheep communication skills. Then, wonder of wonders, Moses heard God’s voice calling him.
“You want me to do what?” he stuttered, wide-eyed. “You’re not serious!”
“I am,” said God patiently. “And I have great plans for you.”
Moses responded to God’s proposals with rationalizations based on his inadequacies. Finally God got through to him, and used him to set a whole race of people free.
My years have taught me it’s far better to allow God’s work in my life than to avoid his plans. Like Moses, I reluctantly acquiesced and began to listen to and obey God. So far God hasn’t introduced snakes, locusts, frogs, or other creepy-crawlies into my life, as he did to Moses in Exodus. For that I’m deeply grateful. Instead, he’s opened new opportunities for me to go back to college after a 20-year leave! I’m glad God has ideas for my later life that never occurred to me during my years dominated by PTA meetings and potty-training.
Remember me, your spouse?
I also realized my husband, Steve, has been waiting at the end of the line since 1979, hoping I’d someday talk about something besides diapers, Little League schedules, and prom dresses. Steve might enjoy a loving, sane woman for a change, I conceded. Or at least one who’s awake.
So one evening I proposed we take a walk together, and reached for his hand. His eyes widened, and he scanned the street before us. “No muggers around,” he announced in a puzzled tone. “And the scary garbage man doesn’t come until Friday.”
“I know,” I answered. “I just want to hold your hand.”
Never tell your middle-aged husband this without him first passing a physical.
Thankfully, Steve survived the shock. We often walk together now, and have graduated to romantic lunches and even occasional overnight stays in neighboring towns.
“Where are you going this time? Don’t you ever want to stay home? What time are you getting in?” chorus our nearly adult offspring.
We nod impatiently and make it out the door before they can hassle us with any more questions. Steve steals a kiss in the garage, and we smile smugly as we pull out of the driveway. Married love after 40 can be even more sneaky fun than young love ever was.
God’s still God.
Certainly no one can deny aging presents unrequested challenges. At times I’m ready to throw in the towel and settle into a comfortable coma of middle-aged mediocrity. But deep down I know the God who’s sustained the 17,561 days of my earthly life so far will cheer me on as I pursue his dreams in the remaining 11,274 days granted me by the almanac.
Whether his plans for our post-40 years include a new career, more education, or broader ministries, one thing’s clear: God will never exchange us for a younger model. He’s promised never to leave us or forsake us: “For I am convinced that neither life nor death, neither hot flashes nor multiple college tuitions, neither girls in string bikinis nor teen drivers, nor a husband’s midlife crisis, nor gravity, nor spandex, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord” (the Rachael Phillips version).
Now that’s something to celebrate!
Rachael Phillips, a freelance writer, lives with her family in Indiana. This article first appeared in the September/October 2002 issue of Today’s Christian Woman.
Though Provokers
- God certainly had plans for the older crowd during Bible times—no mention of retirement there. What about today? What are your retirement plans? Do they include continuing ministry?
- What “unrequested challenges” are you dealing with, and can you see any way to turn those challenges into opportunity?
