Simon Fox is executive director of Adventures in Caring, an organization that mobilizes volunteers to visit the sick and lonely in hospitals and nursing homes. He spoke with BuildingChurchLeaders.com about the practice of compassion.
What is compassion, and how can it be taught?
Let’s start with what compassion is not. It’s not just a feeling, a sentimental, touchy-feely thing. At its heart, compassion is the art and practice of being with someone who is suffering. It comes from the Latin root compati. Com means “with, together” and pati means “to feel intensely, to suffer.”
There are three aspects of compassion: giving to, doing for, and being with. The first two can be done at a distance. Giving to (those who are poor) can be a check in the mail, and doing for (those who are unable to help themselves) can happen at an emotional distance, such as bandaging a wound without any feeling. But being with requires all of you showing up in body, mind, heart and soul.
Compassion cannot be taught by lecture or sermon alone. Clear examples must be presented, not just theory or philosophy. It is a process of self-discovery. And it is an art, so it must be practiced.
Is compassion always appropriate? Are there situations when you should not be compassionate?
Well, compassion is not being a doormat or never saying no. And for people who are not suffering, tough love is appropriate. But compassion is the balance to severity. It is being with people authentically. Authentic compassion teaches people to be grateful, accountable, and resourceful.
Compassion also means giving the right assistance in the right amount in the right way at the right time. Like medicine, it needs to be given in a therapeutic dosage. This is the art of it, the attention to detail that puts the care into the giving.
What benefits does compassion bring into the church? How does it benefit the congregation?
Compassion is nourishment for relationships. It holds families and communities together. Relationships grow stronger through compassion. This ability to be there for others, when it counts, speaks louder than any words. When people are truly there for one another in their darkest hour, the bonds of trust and love go deep. The sense that someone will love you despite your imperfections and failings builds lifelong friendships and true communities of faith. People want to be part of a congregation because of the quality of the relationships in it.
The practice of compassion also develops our ability to accept our own imperfections. When you fail and want to beat up on yourself, you can look at yourself with God’s loving kindness instead.
Where can people serve? Where are the best places to practice compassion?
If you want to see the power of God’s love at work, practice compassion where people don’t get any. Look to where people get the least attention, acknowledgment, affection, or acceptance, or where they are forgotten, abandoned, ignored, disrespected, humiliated, isolated, never touched, or harshly judged.
The most obvious places are nursing homes and orphanages. Then there are the homeless, or boys without fathers who join gangs looking for some sense of connection. And then the sick in hospitals and the dying in hospices.
Also, choose places where you can have an in-depth conversation. And remember, the most important thing in anyone’s life will be related to his or her faith, family, or work.
