My almost 16-year-old daughter came home from her weekly volunteering in the 3-year-old room at church yesterday and told me that a couple of the kids in her group will be moving to the 4-year-old room as they celebrate birthdays this month.
“It’s so sad,” she said. “I’m going to miss them.” She also pointed out that the oldest kids, especially in a preschool classroom, often are the ones who contribute most to the small group “discussion” she and her co-leader try to have with the kids.
While it’s hard to let go and let the young people in our care move on to bigger and better things, it’s essential to our goal—which is to get them to grow up in their faith. I love that my daughter cares so much for these kids, and that she genuinely shows them God’s love as she teaches them. And while it’s hard to get attached and then have kids move on, she’s learning a valuable leadership lesson—the goal of mentoring people, whether they are 3 or 30, is to get them to grow. To do that, we must encourage, instruct, and then be willing to let go. This is a step that will facilitate their growth, as well as ours. When we are willing to let those we lead move forward, we are affirming our trust that God is in control.
The relationship between Paul and Timothy in the New Testament offers a model for mentoring and ministry. Paul referred to Timothy as his “true son in the faith.” In 1 Timothy 4:14-15, Paul writes to Timothy and says, “Do not neglect your gift, which was given to you through a prophetic message when the body of elders laid their hands on you. Be diligent in these matters; give yourself wholly to them, so that everyone may see your progress.”
In his second letter to Timothy, Paul reiterates this theme, but in a much stronger way. Rather than telling Timothy not to ignore or neglect his gift, he writes, “… fan into flame the gift of God, which is in you through the laying on of my hands. For God did not give us a spirit of timidity, but a spirit of power, of love, and of self-discipline” (2 Tim. 1:6-7). The words are much more urgent—perhaps because they were apparently written toward the end of Paul’s life. He knew he would soon have to let go.
One of the most gratifying things in Paul’s life had to be watching Timothy develop into a “man of God” (see 1 Tim. 6:11). His letters seem clearly to expect Timothy to make progress not just by listening to Paul but by being diligent and self-disciplined.
Timothy was brought to faith by his mother and grandmother, through their instruction and example of deep faith. The letters reference a specific time of prayer and commissioning where Paul and other church elders laid their hands on Timothy. Paul obviously wrote letters instructing and encouraging Timothy. But then he had to step back and watch Timothy move forward.
So often, I have read Paul’s writings to Timothy and received them as God’s word to me, exhorting me to develop my gifts, to serve, to fan into flame the gift within me. But lately, I’ve thought about those words as a model for mentoring—as a script for leading and encouraging others.
How can you encourage growth in the children or young people you lead? I think these verses give us several strategies. First, they need to know that when they place their trust in Jesus, his Spirit resides in them. That means they have spiritual gifts as well as a Spirit of power, love, and self-discipline. When kids truly grasp that God is with them and for them—when they see that he has given them spiritual gifts and divine power—they have taken an important step of growth. We can facilitate this by specifically naming the strengths we see in them and reminding them of God’s power and love. This will look different if you are leading 3-year-olds than it will with 13-year-olds, but we can still communicate the basic idea in age-appropriate ways.
We as leaders need to remind those we lead to develop their gifts, to lean into the power and love that God gives them, and then to move forward. We need to provide opportunities for them to take the next step, whether that step is to move on to the 4-year-old room, to love their enemies, or to be a student leader like my daughter. If they are to truly grow, we can’t hold them back and we can’t do things for them. But we can cheer them on. We can let them move on with our blessing and encouragement.
Keri Wyatt Kent is the author of seven books, including Simple Compassion and Breathe. Learn more at www.keriwyattkent.com. The Bible passages in this article are from the New International Version.
