An Appreciating Asset

When I was preparing for pastoral ministry, an older, seasoned pastor warned me about the dangers of getting a messiah complex. He actually said to me, “You’ll come out of seminary full of ideas, thinking you’re going to change everyone and save the church. But, after awhile, you realize it’s just not going to happen.”

I wondered at the time, How long had it taken for his ministry passion to die? How many walls did he have to hit? How many disappointments did it take?

I also wondered why he didn’t tell me this before I was already committed to this work and almost through seminary.

This pastor wasn’t trying to discourage me. He was trying to give me a realistic view of ministry. But, I realized then, I don’t want to be realistic about ministry. There is nothing tame, realistic, or rational about God’s transforming grace. If a persecutor of the church could become a church planter and biblical author, I thought, God can change anyone. I decided that I wanted to be a conduit of that unrealistic kind of grace. The question is how? How can we help open a window for transformation in the lives of broken people and churches?

Gratitude (a word that’s closely related to grace) has the power to do just that.

I’ve always found it strange that the apostle Paul expresses such deep gratitude for people, even when he’s preparing to correct their behavior. In 1 Corinthians 1:4 he says, “I thank God for you …” and in verse 14, he’s thanking God that he didn’t baptize many of them as they quarrel on about who belongs to which apostle.

As disjointed as this might seem, I think Paul understood the power of gratitude to help guide people toward real transformation.

The power of thankfulness

Expressing authentic gratitude for people and to people—whether for qualities they possess or things they have done—generates more of the same in them and in others. Following are a few examples.

Most pastors and their families who have lived in church-owned housing have their share of horror stories. In one parsonage where we lived, I was asking the trustee responsible for parsonage upkeep about the well-used and strange couches in the house. He said, “Oh yeah, the ones in the front room came from my mom’s house after she died. The ones in the family room came from a doctor’s office.” Great! So, I can catch some strange illness in the family room and go out into the front room to die!

Quite often, the parsonage is on the losing end of budget conflicts. The expectation is that the pastor’s family should be willing to suffer for Jesus, so money should be put into the ministry, not the parsonage.

But one of the trustees where we serve now had a different vision—a vision of a parsonage that would be a place of sanctuary for the pastor’s family. God put it on her heart to take care of the pastor’s family. When I expressed my gratitude to her, I saw her encouraged and her sense of calling affirmed.

In thanking the trustees publicly for their care for my family, this principle of pastor-care has spilled over into other groups as well. The only downside is that I have very little to complain about with my pastor friends. I am not expected to do everything, but I am expected to take sabbath time. And I am not under-appreciated or underpaid.

Our church has become known for hospitality. When I spend time with prospective new members, they almost always say that they immediately felt a sense of warmth and welcome from the church.

Obviously, not every person in our church is warm and welcoming, but I can, with integrity, give thanks in worship and at other gatherings that people can get a taste of God’s hospitality in our midst. As I look around during our greeting time in worship, I can’t help but smile a little when I see normally reserved people launching out of their circles of friends and places of comfort to greet a new person. They have been changed.

When we publicly give thanks to our volunteers, from children’s ministry to small group leaders to office volunteers, we almost always see an increase in the number of people willing to serve. People somehow know that they are missing out on something.

What fuels the transformation?

From a human perspective, gratitude has this impact because it lifts up the values of the church and the characteristics of Christ-followers in a way that is easy to hear. The Book of James says that people who listen to the word but do not do what it says are like people who look at themselves in the mirror, but in looking away, forget what they look like (James 1:22-25). If we look into the mirror and see ourselves as we were meant to be—noble and generous—then most people want to be even more generous, to truly be our best selves.

But, we easily fall into spiritual amnesia. Our personal inclinations and the enticements of the world promote some lesser version of ourselves that is self-centered and petty.

Gratitude causes longer gazes in that mirror. People see who they are, or at least who they want to be. How many times have we seen weight loss commercials or ads for workout equipment where someone is lost in the joy of admiring his or her transformed body? In the same way, gratitude holds up a mirror to show people, “This is who you are, who you were intended to be. Now, continue becoming who you are.” We can help build joy into people over their transformed lives through our expressions of gratitude.

In this way, gratitude not only invites others to strive for their true potential as followers of Christ, it is also encouraging to the people who have changed. Perhaps we should all be self-sufficient and faithful enough to serve and strive even when no one seems to notice. But, what a lift we get from someone noticing enough to say, “I am so grateful for you!” Gratitude is one of those things that helps change persist and continue to progress.

What’s the catch?

There really is no downside to expressing gratitude, but there is a catch. It must be authentic. People can smell insincerity. Blowing smoke to try to manipulate people will only serve to deaden their ears to our praise.

We all know there are broken places and broken people in each church. There are the “squeaky wheels,” the “never-satisfied,” and the “joy-eaters.” Discouragement seems to follow and even blend with victories.

Recently, we were having a meeting that celebrated the growth of our children’s and youth ministries. We were seeking feedback on plans for a new facility to accommodate those ministries. The spirit in the room was positive and light, but then out of nowhere, someone came up beside me and asked in a way that I knew was trouble, “Nothing’s being done about the kitchen?”

“I don’t think so,” I said, “we can’t do all that we might like with our resources, so we have to prioritize.” With a pretty high level of frustration, she proceeded to tell me how people—important people!—are going to be very unhappy about this omission.

You know, I thought, I was almost having fun before that little exchange.

How do we keep a grateful spirit even in the face of discouragement and disappointment?

One of the greatest helps to me is getting around people who are joyful and grateful and faithful. People who inspire and encourage me build my gratitude level just by their very presence.

I am part of a men’s Bible study group. Spending time with those guys, sharing how we are being encouraged by the word, and striving to make life-application is such a lift. They make me grateful to be their pastor and their friend. I often head home afterward saying to myself, “I’m so glad I get to be a part of this!”

As we look out on the congregations we serve, we see neither pure saints nor pure sinners. Each person is conflicted, broken, and struggling. But all of us are also, gratefully, under grace, which forgives and saves and transforms. I remember that for each person who has crossed the line of faith there is a party in heaven just for him or for her. God is so glad that the lost have been found, even if they are not yet perfect. I remember that each person is made in the image of God with great care and purpose, and that each person is one for whom Christ died. And, I am grateful.